


Hurricane

by AngelKurenai



Category: Sherlock (TV), Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Blood, Blood and Gore, Detectives, F/M, Flirty Dean Winchester, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Protective Dean Winchester, Serial Killers, Threats, supernatural season 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2020-09-07 01:30:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 73,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelKurenai/pseuds/AngelKurenai
Summary: Summary: With one of the most dangerous serial killers on the loose and in your tracks you have no choice but to rely on the help of the police to ansure your safety. It doesn’t hurt that the detective in charge is the one of the most skilled there is and probably, well, definitely the most charming one you have ever seen. Or that his flirting with you takes your mind off the danger waiting for you right around the corner.& Based on: Imagine detective Dean Winchester flirting with you while working on your case.





	1. Chapter 1

“I have to see him!” you raised your voice as the policeman refused to let you pass.

“M'am I told you, detective Winchester cannot see you now. He’s busy!” he repeated what he had told you just a few seconds ago and you glared at him.

“I heard you the first time! But I’m telling you I _need_ to see him!” you insisted, trying to push him aside but still glaring at him as he grabbed onto your arm and wouldn’t let you go.

“M'am please don’t make me use force to make you leave. Understand that he is busy!” he was obviously getting annoyed as well but it wasn’t your fault he couldn’t understand.

“I know that very well-” you almost growled “But he’s told me I can come to him anytime I want to see him. And I am not playing here! This is about a case!” you tried pushing past him but he wouldn’t budge.

“Mam!” his voice rose, scaring you for a moment “I told you he cannot see you now, he is busy! And if it is about a case then there are plenty of other officers to talk to!”

“But you don’t understand!” you raised your own voice “Dea- Detective Winchester is the one taking care of it! Please just let me in for even a second and you’ll see for yourself!” you insisted but he wouldn’t have any of it.

“Miss enough!” he shouted, practically pushing you and making you stumble “I told,you cannot see the detective now that-”

“What the hell is going on here?” Dean’s voice clearly laced with anger caught both of yours attention. The policeman’s grip on you loosened for a moment and you found the opportunity to slip from his arms and ran straight to Dean.

Being the damsel in distress was not your thing but this week had been one of the hardest of your life. You had tried putting off going to Dean for your case again but at this point you thought you were almost going crazy, you needed answers and at the same time… his comfort. His arms were like a small heaven to you that you’d found in your darkest times. And at the moment you needed it more than anything. So without even thinking you crashed right into his arms, and he didn’t miss a second to hold you tightly to him.

“Hey!” the policeman protested, angry at you but didn’t do anything to pull you away from Dean’s embrace “Sorry detective, she just wouldn’t stop asking to see you. I told her you were busy but she wouldn’t have any of it.” he said to Dean as he pointed at you, giving you a glare.

But it was nothing compared to the one Dean shot him “And why didn’t you let her in the first time?”

“Wh-what?” he blinked “You were busy, you have been talking with-”

“That’s not a fucking excuse!” Dean roared and you too felt scared for a moment “Let me make it clear for ya Josh, and let everybody else know. Whenever (Y/n)- Miss (Y/l/n) comes asking for me you will let her in, even if I’m talking with the fucking president of the US, got it?”

“Uh ye-yeah- yes sir, got it.” he lowered his head as Dean mumbled a rough ‘Good’ to him.

“Oh and Josh, next time you or anyone decides to use force on her to make her do anything- _anything_ she doesn’t want-” he clenched his jaw, taking a look around him as everyone was practically watching in grave silence, fear written over most of their faces “-I’ll make sure you won’t be allowed to hold a gun not even on Halloween, much less fire you.” he said seriously and for a moment you looked down, feeling guilty for being the reason to all this trouble.

“Come on.” he whispered more softly to you, his hand rubbing the small of your back as you bit your lower lip and walked with him; not daring to look around you. You could feel the stares of everyone on you already, just as you could hear the whispers especially from those assistants that you’d gotten to meet over the couple times you’d been at the police station for your case.

“I’m sorry” you finally breathed out as you got inside his office, pulling away from him and slumping down on a chair.

“Sweetheart-” he sighed, kneeling in front of you and soon cupping your face, making you look him in the eyes “-You don’t get to apologize, alright? Never.”

“I’m just-” you bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to get distracted by how good he looked in that blue button-up shirt with his dark tie loose around his neck. You spotted his long black coat hanging somewhere and for a moment you got carried away thinking how good he looked in that too.

You shook your head, brushing away all of the thoughts as you fidgeted with your hands “I just really needed to see you, that’s all. I didn’t think I- I’d cause such a mess.” you mumbled and he shook his head.

“You’re not causing a mess, you never are, beautiful.” he leaned to kiss your forehead, making a blush creep up your cheeks “It’s better now that they know how to treat you. Come on, relax now. Want something to drink?” he asked, already getting up to get you something.

“Just some coffee if you’ve got.” you said softly and he nodded his head “I drink it-” you started again but he cut you off.

“I know.” he grinned softly “I remember.” he sounded proud “Here” and he handed you a cup, proving you right on what he’d said.

“Hm you really do.” you bit your lip and he grinned.

“I wouldn’t be such a good detective if I wasn’t conservative or didn’t have a good memory.” he shrugged and you hummed in agreement “Especially about things that interest me.” he added softly, sitting right next to you.

Your eyebrows shot up and a small smirk formed on your lips. Not even five minutes with Dean and you were already loosening up and relaxing, forgetting about what troubled you and what occupied not only your day but also night.

“And the way I drink my coffee interests you?” you asked shyly and he chuckled, shaking his head.

“The coffee? No, I’m not interested in the coffee.” he gave you an adorable grin, making you frown for a second.

“But?”

“I’m interested in you.” he said honestly, biting his lip softly and making you thankful that you were sitting because your knees already felt weak.

“Detective-” you started but stopped when you saw a disappointed look take over his face.

“I thought we were clear on this, (Y/n). It’s Dean for you.” he stated softly and you nodded your head with a small smile “But- it’s probably not the time to talk about it. Is it?” he noticed how reserved you were, more so than usual and he frowned deeply.

“Well actually-” you started but pursed your lips, stopping yourself.

“What is it?” he asked in a low voice, protectiveness taking over “Because I’m guessing you’re not here just for my charming smile and pretty eyes.” he chuckled, managing to make you ease up a little bit.

“Well, although that is a good enough reason-” you smiled slightly, not meeting his eyes as you felt your cheeks burn at his mere gaze “It’s not just that, no.”

“Tell me what’s going on?” he asked, tugging a few strands of hair behind your ear as his hand rested on the back of your neck.

“I-” you trembled slightly as you thought about it. Talking with Dean, being in his presence and his arms you felt safe and comfortable. Like it was just the two of you and you didn’t have to worry about anything. But reality was much more cruel.

“I think she’s back Dean.” you admitted, looking up at him with eyes laced with tears and fear, shock written over his face as well soon turning into anger and defense.

“And she’s coming for me.”


	2. Chapter 2

“And she’s coming for me.” you almost closed your eyes, feeling yourself shake with terror even at the thought of it. You were never anything special, you had a normal life – or what you at least considered to be normal – maybe a little boring but it was at least drama free. Until of course you became the target of a serial killer, who by the way was still on the loose and escaped no matter how many times the police caught her. Fan-freaking-tastic, right?

“What?” Dean’s voice was rough and his jaw clenched, his chest almost puffed out.

“Ye-yeah.” you breathed out shakily “I- I mean she hasn’t made a move yet but I’m- I’m seeing some things and I am so scared it just is not my imagination.”

“Damn it, what has she done now?” his eyes were hard as he placed a hand on top of your shaking ones holding your coffee.

“She- she hasn’t made her presence known, as I said, but I- I always feel like there is someone watching me. I can always feel a presence there but I- I never see her. And I’ve spotted a shadow by the window of my living room or kitchen, and-and whenever I get back from work I hear footsteps behind me but whenever I turn nobody’s there. But I swear, I swear Dean I heard them! I’m not crazy, Dean. Please believe-” your voice was shaking with fear as you remembered the events.

“No, no sweetheart.” Dean squeezed your hand, shaking his head furiously “I believe you, trust me I believe you.”

You let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes for a little as you tried to keep a sob from leaving your lips. You let a small whimper involuntarily “I wish- I wish I didn’t have to be here for this Dean, I wish I-” you let out a pained chuckle “-I wish I could really be here only for your pretty eyes but-”

“No, hey. No, don’t do that.” he said firmly, cupping your face and making you look him directly in the eyes “You don’t apologize about something that’s completely human. You’re scared, it’s fine. That woman- she’s nuts, and God knows what she might do next. You did the right thing, I told you to come to me if something like this happened and I sure as hell meant it.” his green eyes held a fire in them as he looked at you protectively.

-Flashback-

You remembered the first time he’d promised to protect you. She had almost strangled you with her bare hands before the police arrived. Of course it was one of the many attempts and you knew that even if detective Dean had arrived she wasn’t going to let go of you so easily. She’s promised she would be back and of course she was a little later. Either way, that night she had left before she could get caught that night and while you were sitting on the ambulance, a nurse taking care of your wounds – the ones she had created – Dean had walked up to you. It was in that moment you had seen such determination in his eyes for the first time.

His jaw was clenched, his tie pulled loose and his hair slightly a mess as if he’d been running his fingers through them. You didn’t doubt it because all the while you were at the ambulance he was inside your house trying to take clues. So considering the state he was in things weren’t going all that well.

“Hey” his voice was more hoarse than you remembered the last time you had seen the handsome man.

“H-hey” you whispered, doubting he even heard it but you couldn’t say it louder because your throat actually hurt like hell. You coughed slightly and Dean frowned, sitting next to you.

“Are you alright?” he asked with a pained look himself.

You gave him a half smiled, pointed to your throat and he nodded his head “Aight, sorry.” he mumbled and you just shrugged.

“(Y/n)” he said after a small pause and you raised an eyebrow at him “I’m sorry, for everything that happened. If- If I had made it here earlier she wouldn’t have-” he cut himself off, trying to swallow the lump in his throat as he looked down at your bruises and cuts and of course the bandages that covered the most serious ones.

“Dean” you grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze - as much as you could at least - and shook your head with a smile “Don’t- don’t blame yourself, please.” your voice was hoarse and every word hurt so much to say but you couldnt let him believe such things “Not- not your fault.” you coughed slightly and he pursed his lips shaking his head.

“You’re the one covered in bruises and blood because I was just too fucking late, yet you are the one comforting me?” he asked and you just shrugged, giving him a tight smile.

“It- it doesn’t matter.” your whispered in a hoarse voice but he just shook his head.

“Yes, yes it actually does (Y/n).” he clenched his jaw, getting angry again but now mostly with himself “I promised I would always come to protect you yet I was too fucking busy with other cases to think about you. Damn it, I hate myself for this.” he ran a hand through his hair and down his face.

“D” you could only whisper but he didn’t seem to listen, or at least pay attention. He was too caught up with cursing at himself for what happened to you. Could he get any more selfless?

“I couldn’t do the most simple thing, damn it. I couldn’t protect the woman that I- I-” he shook his head “It won’t happen again, I promise you (Y/n).” he finally looked you in the eyes, your tear-filled eyes. You wished so bad he could complete the previous sentence.

“I know that that’s what I said the previous time but-” he let a small growl at himself.

“Dean, you came running as soon as you heard about her being here.” and it was true, he had slammed in the Impala and hit the petal to drive as fast as he could to get to you. He had passed by red lights and crashed several times, you did hear it from one of his officers, so you could never really blame him for being late or ignoring you or even more not keeping his promise to come.

“I know, but it wasn’t enough.” he shook his head “So that’s why I’m not going to take up another fucking case until I’m done with her.”

“Wh-what? You- you can’t-”

“Yes, (Y/n) I actually can and I will.” he pursed his lips, holding your hand now in his “I don’t care what happens, I am going to do this, I am going to get her and I am going to make sure you are safe. Come hell or heaven, I am not going to let anything, and I mean _anything_ happen to you. I am going to protect you even if that means giving my life for you.” and his eyes held that fire in them, looking at you intensily and determined.

“No” you whispered, shaking your head as your eyes lowered.

“Yes, actually yes.” he said in a rough voice “I am going to protect you, I promise you that sweetheart.” he cupped your face, making you look back at him. You knew he would go to great extents to actually keep this promise for you that it both made you feel at peace and scared you because you knew he wouldn’t care what happened to his own self.

“I will fight for this if I have to, I won’t sleep but I will get her or the least make sure you are safe 24/7.” he said and you couldn’t help but close your eyes, nuzzling your face in his hand “I will protect you.” he added in a whisper and you opened your eyes slightly.

“And if you ever, and I mean _ever_, need anything you call at any time. Or come to me, always. Don’t hesitate. I will stop everything for you.” and as he rubbed his thumb on your cheek you thought that somehow this wasn’t just his cop side speaking. Hell, it wasn’t that in the first place and that was something you didn’t know how to react to.

The only thing you did was give him a shy smile and lean into him, resting your head on his shoulder as he carefully wrapped a hand around your shoulders.

-End if Flashback-

He did keep his promise at that, despite how guilty it made you feel about all of those other people that wanted his help. The only thing that put you at ease was that at some point she just disappeared and everything went back to being peaceful and quiet and, luckily for you, Dean could focus on other cases again. Although, honestly he always did check up on you - more than how much a detective should - and you didn’t mind seeing him as often.

“So what now?” you asked, looking him deeply in the eyes.

“Now I am going to do everything in my power to catch the bitch and make sure she never lays a finger on you.” he said firmly and even if you opened your mouth to speak no words came out as a knock was heard on the door.

“Detective Winchester?” a hesitant voice was heard and you already saw Dean roll his eyes at it. You gave him a small smile and shake of your head and he let out a long.

“Yes.” he said, getting up on his feet and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Uh I- I am sorry for interrupting, detective.” she glanced at you and you knew all too well why she seemed a little scared at the moment. Maybe, just maybe, you felt a little flattered at how Dean had been so protective of you before but you were too caught up with your problems to think about it.

“But we got a call from uh the office of the President, uh they said they had a case for you. Something about attempted assassination or that.” she said, handing him a couple of files “They sent this through the fax too.”

You heard Dean let out a frustrated sigh, muttering things under his breath, and you could almost practically read his thoughts at the moment. You knew what would come next so you decided to speak up before he could.

“Uh detective-” you caught his attention as you placed your coffee on the side “I should probably get going, you have more important things to deal with. I uhm I will be fine, thank you for listening to me.” you got up but before you could take a step away from him, he grabbed your hand and gave you a stern look that meant for you to stay put.

“No” he said turning to her “Call them and say I am busy at the moment. If they want the case done they can hire someone else otherwise I’ll call him myself and settle things.” he placed the files on his desk and she gave him a small nod.

“Of course detective.” she said.

“Oh and call the team, tell them to give me a text of their whereabouts. I need to gather them, I have an important case for them.” he said and your eyebrows all but shot up. He was putting up his team for you? You knew that things were serious at that moment because his team consisted by some of the most skilled cops, that got hired only for the most dangerous cases. That or… he worried a lot about your well-being in a not-so-professional way.

“Alright detective.” she nodded her head and was out of the door.

“You- you don’t have to do that.” you mumbled, biting your lower lip.

“Yes, I actually do. Because I want to.’ he gave you a small smile “I am not going to rest until I’ve made sure you are alright. Come on, let’s get you home.” he gave you a boyish grin as he grabbed his coat.

“I can- I can go home myself, you don’t need to make sure I am alright all the time. I am just- I am keeping you from your work and I don’t want that.” you fidgeted with your hands and he sighed as he let his hands drop when he wore it.

“Sweetheart, I told you. It’s not because I have to, it’s because I want to. Besides, I don’t know what you consider fun but for me it certainly isn’t trying to catch criminals. On the contrary, spending the night with a gorgeous woman like you- that is something straight outta my wildest dreams.” he winked at you as he fixed his tie and your eyebrows shot up.

“I am sure if you weren’t such a good detective and if flirting was actually a job you’d be the best at it, detective.” you shook your head, avoiding to look him in the eyes when you felt your cheeks heat up.

“Only when it comes to someone like you, not that I have ever had the chance to meet a woman as beautiful as you, like ever.” he shrugged and you scoffed a laugh.

“Now you really are just exaggerating. I’m sure that when it comes to you, there must be plenty of women around.”

“Plenty? Maybe. But this unique? Not once.” he shook his head “Besides, it doesn’t hurt, you know?”

“What?” you asked in a lower voice as he opened his office’s door for you to leave. He gave a few goodbye nods and smiles along with waves at some people.

“Flirting with you. I am doing by job of distracting you, in case anyone gets suspicious of how close we are, and… I’m testing my luck. Just in case, you know, I have a chance with you in the end.” he gave you that adorable grin and innocent shrug of his shoulders that made your heart skip a beat.

“Probably.” you bit your lower lip, feeling thankful that even if you acting like a teen girl in love, you at least were forgetting about the threat that waited for you every second f the day.

“But-” you gave him a smile when he opened the doo to his beautiful car and went around to get in the driver’s seat “You’d have to try a lot for that, detective.” you said with a shy smile and he just grinned at you.

“Well, I told you we have all night, beautiful. I wasn’t kidding.” he turned on the car.

“What- what do you mean?”

“You think I’m just going to leave you alone with that psycho on the loose? Hell no. I am going to stay in your house tonight, and if you dare protest: just let me remind you this is my job, sweetheart.” he winked and you felt all air get caught in your lungs.

A night with detective Dean Winchester in your house, what could possibly go wrong?


	3. Chapter 3

“So this is my humble house.” you mumbled, unlocking the door and getting inside with Dean following suit “You’ve been here before but considering the mess it was in, I guess this is a little bit better and certainly much more different. After what happened with her-” you swallowed the lump in your throat “I decided to change a few things so here it all is.” you let a soft sigh, motioning in front of you.

“And considering the situation you were in, I certainly prefer this one over that.” he said with a half smile and you nodded your head.

“Absolutely agree on that, detective.” you took of your shoes and set them next to the door “Speaking of which-” you chewed on your lower lip nervously “What are you going to tell them at the office exactly? I mean they saw us leave together, and me get in your car which I don’t think it’s all that professional. And they are going to ask about it, so you’ll-”

“Relax” he said gently, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder and cutting off your rambling “For one, I don’t have to justify myself to anybody. I am the one that helps solve most of their cases there, and if I want to I could leave any moment. I am only staying because I love this town. And secondly-” he shrugged softly “The truth, I suppose. I am here for work, your case is the most important one not just for me but the entire police station. We all need to catch her and as a possible next victim you need protection.”

“So what better way than to do that yourself huh?” you asked biting your lip and a wide grin spread on his face.

“Exactly, sweetheart.” he winked.

“So… that’s the only reason you really are here. Right.” the disappointment was hard to miss from both your voice and face and as much as you tried to mask it, taking of your jacket Dean did pick up on it and smirked at you.

“You are a lot more to me, (Y/n), and you know it.” he said a lot more gently than you’d ever heard him before.

“I know, I know.” you couldn’t help the flutter of your heart as you smiled at him and he did the same.

“Besides-” he continued, the flirty smirk back on but you didn’t mind it one bit “I might never mix business and pleasure but-” he licked his lower lip “It would be my greatest pleasure to protect you, even if that is the last thing I do.”

“Don’t say that please.” you whispered with a deep frown and he gave your shoulder a squeeze. You both knew if she wanted to she could be lethal, how you were still alive surprised you but you weren’t going to push your luck.

“Alright, alright. Not gonna bring you down, tonight. I’m here to make this night the best of your life yet, in any way I can do that.” he grinned as you groaned, rolling your eyes.

“Dean” you half-moaned, half-whined his name but that only made him laugh. That or maybe the deep red that tinted your cheeks at the moment.

“Love how you already say my name, princess.” he winked and you bit your lip.

“Alright, _detective_.” you emphasized “Would you like to give me your coat, must not be easy to move around in the house in that no matter how good it looks on you.” you said as he chuckled at your behavior, slowly taking off his long coat and handing it to you.

“You know I could always comment on that-” he said with a glint in his eyes.

“Don’t.” you cut him off, realizing what you’d actually said before; shaking your head you motioned for the living room which was not really far away “Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Uh a beer would be great, thanks.” he gave you a boyish grin and you nodded your head. You made your way to the closet, putting his coat away – you were a little sad because he looked so fucking good in it but at the same time you could never say no to watching him in a suit either. You quickly made your way to the kitchen and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge.

“You’re very lucky tonight.” you said as you walked in the living room to see him texting on his phone.

“Oh trust me, that I already know.” he grinned, looking up at you from the couch and you laughed with a shake of your head.

“Didn’t mean that, detective.” you pointed out, handing him his beer “I just managed to refill the fridge this morning. With all the work and… the worrying these days I can barely do a few things right.” you sighed, sitting next to him but making sure to keep your distance. Even if the only place you truly wanted to be was his arms.

He took a sip of his beer before looking at you and letting a small sigh as well “(Y/n), I promised you I was going to end this and I will, even if it’s the last case I work in my life. I will never forgive myself if I allow her to lay a single finger on you again.” he said softly yet firmly, his eyes showing how determined he was.

For a moment you actually got lost in his eyes as Dean tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear and soon cupped your cheek. You were keeping yourself so hard from nuzzling your face in his palm as his thumb rubbed softly over your cheek. His phone’s buzzing caught both of your attention and you blinked, turning your head away as his hands fell. You heard him let out a slightly frustrated sigh but started typing back at the person.

“Who- who is it?” you whispered “If you don’t mind me asking.” you hurried to add.

“Sammy” he said with a small smile “I’m talking with him about what more we can do about your protection. It’s for sure she’ll come for you at some point and we can’t be unprepared. He’ll look into all of her files tonight, he says, and try to estimate how many years she’ll get in prison.”

“With all those murders, shouldn’t she be in for life?” you whispered, feeling your heart beat in fear at the possibility of, even at being caught, her getting out at some point.

“We’re not talking about regular prison, sweetheart.” he looked at you with a smirk “If we catch the bitch, alive, we’ll make sure she goes somewhere she’ll end up wishing I killed her. It’s one of those places that officially doesn’t exist but I am not supposed to talk to civilians about-” he paused, shaking his head “-Stupid FBI stuff, wasn’t paying attention in that class.” he added with a grin and shrug and despite everything you actually let a giggle.

“But you are already talking to me about that.” you bit your lip and he raised an eyebrow, stopping for a moment his actions.

“Yeah, I am. But you’re not just any civilian to me.” he said with a smirk and you just smiled to yourself.

“Send my greetings to Sam.” you said softly and he nodded his head, soon mumbling a “Done”. You had met Sam when you first came in town actually. He would travel a lot and it seemed like it was your luck to meet him that night at the bar, all that time ago, because if it wasn’t for him you wouldn’t have ended up meeting Dean a few years later when you really needed a cop’s help. Sam had insisted he was the best at his job, which he absolutely was, and when you really found out they had been after her for very long it all became easier for you and you didn’t feel like you were putting too much on their shoulders. Sam was a great friend, one you could always confide in with your biggest secrets, while Dean was… well, a whole other issue.

“He says hi too.” he told you after some time “And… is asking if you are drunk? _What the hell, Sam?_” he shook his head.

You giggled “I once told him that if I ever let you inside my house to spend the night here I would have had to consume an entire bar first.” you shrugged innocently as he gave you a look of disbelief.

“Wow (Y/n), thank you so much. That really is a confidence boost.” he scoffed as he typed something back to his brother.

“It’s not about that and you know it. I’m sorry to inform you, detective Winchester but your reputation really does keep up with you. And with all those broken hearts you leave in your way, I am not really looking forward to being one of your many victims.” you said with a simple shrug and half smile, unable to really understand how much it actually got to him to hear you say this.

Maybe he didn’t let it show on his face but it actually hurt him to know you considered him to be a womanizer with absolutely no feelings. He liked to flirt, alright, but he knew that what he felt for you could by no means compare to any of his previous flings. He was the type of man to always say ‘rolling through town, no string attached’ to every woman he’d been with, the morning after, but with you he didn’t want that to be the case. And he hated it how your opinion about him was just that.

“You live a dangerous life, I can’t blame you if you want to let some steam off here and there. I just can’t afford that, that’s all. I’m looking for something more permanent, more quiet, more slow and… more true. It’s just we don’t click, no harm with that, right detective?” you said with a small shrug, slightly bitter and sad about it but actually honest.

And that’s what bothered Dean the most, he knew you meant it and actually thought of him as that. But truth was he wanted to offer you so much more, just the best because you deserved it but the life he led just took it all away from him and he feared there wasn’t much he could do about it.

“Right” Dean said in a low hoarse voice as his eyes fell on the phone in his hands.

Truth was you did feel your own heart tighten inside your chest as you spoke the words but you were only being honest, as much as you wished you didn’t have to. That was who he Dean Winchester was, and maybe your feelings for him had started growing dangerously so, but you had to keep everything under control because the two of you simply could not happen.

“Alright so-” you cleared his throat, the tension between you thickened but not in th good way “-Do you want something to eat? I know I don’t have anything ready at the moment but I could always cook something quick.” you offered, already ready to get up.

Dean licked his lips, putting his phone away as he took a sip of his beer “I’d really need that to be honest, but I don’t wanna put you into too much trouble.”

“Nonsense” you shook your head, offering him a soft honest smile “You are putting your life at stake for me, detective. It’s the least I could offer.” you grinned fully at him and what you’d previously said had almost been forgotten. Almost. Because the tightness in his chest was still there.

“I would give my life for you any moment, (Y/n). Without a second thought.” he said as if it was the most simple thing for him but you actually couldn’t stop your heart from skipping a beat.

“And I guess that’s the problem with us, detective.” you whispered softly before licking your lips “How about-” your voice got louder “-Instead of your life, you give me your hand tonight?”

“You know I can really take this in many ways, right?” he asked with a sly smirk and you laughed at him “Because either you are implying something very naughty, which I am up for anytime, or you are asking me to marry you which once I am even more up for any-fucking-time.”

“You’re unbelievable.” you scoffed but couldn’t stop a wide smile from appearing “I was talking about cooking, Mr Winchester.” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Aw shame, you already had me going.” he pouted those full lips that made you weak on the knees “But I’m still in, sweetheart.” he got up with an excited smile.

“If you really are tired though I can understand, Dean.” you said more softly now “I already feel bad I have to keep you up now, with all the work you must have had today at the police station.” you looked down in shame for a moment.

“(Y/n), I swear if you apologize one more time about having me here to look after you, in case she jumped on you, I will kiss the living heaven out of you to shut you up.” he said teasingly but still in a gentle voice tone “I want to be here, and it honestly is the most relaxed I’ve been in a lot while. Cooking with you will just take away more of the build up stress, trust me.”

“If you insist.” you shrugged with a smile.

~*~

“Alright, so what can the FBI do for you tonight m'am?” Dean said with a happy grin as he took of his suit jacket off and started rolling his sleeves. You tried so hard not to get carried away as you saw him drap it over one of the chairs, and then proceed to loosen his tie around his neck, along with undoing a few buttons. The small part of skin of his chest showing along with his arms, as he rolled his sleeves up, in perfect display for you made your heart skip beat after beat to the point you were sure it was not beating right.

“Uhm ye-yeah.” you cleared your throat looking away and opting for opening fridge to look inside “First, since you are my guest tonight just let me know what would you like to eat?” you smiled up at him as he leaned against the kitchen counter. The mere movement was so simple yet so captivating considering the muscles of his arms and chest flexed under his shirt and- oh boy, you were a goner.

“Well, since I don’t want to tire my beautiful host tonight- how about some pasta with sauce? Easy, fast and tasty.” he smiled and you nodded your head.

“Sounds great to me. I’ll make dessert too, and considering I have some filling already waiting in the freezer I’ll make a quick dough and- I hope you like pie, detective because I am really in the mood for that tonight.” you smiled up at him but it definitely could not compare to the big childlike smile he gave you.

“Woman of my heart.” he breathed out “Why don’t you just marry me already?” he asked in such an adorable way you had to hold yourself back from actually saying yes.

“I’m taking that you like it then.” you chuckled as you fetched everything the both of you needed “Alright, detective. Show me how skilled you really are.” you said with a mischievous smile and he chuckled, winking.

“Oh you’d be pleasantly surprised, miss (Y/l/n).” he replied as the both of you started working on the food.

Both you and Dean moved in perfect sync as you prepared everything. It almost came naturally to you but everything he did made you feel at home. You didn’t even have to say a thing as you moved around each other while cooking, it almost made it look as if you were dancing. It all felt peaceful and despite the few jokes here and there, and the remarks from the man that had you laughing and blushing furiously, when silence would follow you had never felt more comfortable.

There were moments you got carried away staring at him as those perfect arms of his moved on the sauce and you could hear the faint hum of a song. You knew you recognized it, you were sure it was metallica, but you couldn’t pinpoint what song exactly. It was a great contrast to see him so relaxed and at ease in comparison to his usually worried and reserved (if you could say) self when he was working on some case. He was a man that had seen a fair amount of things in this life and job, being into the entire cop thing ever since he was a young boy as Sam had told you, and sometimes it felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He could hardly let go of the memories that haunted him, from innocent victims to members of his team that he’d lost over the years. The most recent of them, that Sam had told you about actually, was someone named Charlie.

It was a great contrast to see him loosen up for a moment, especially when that moment was shared with you.

“Didn’t know you had this in you, detective.” you mumbled with a sly smile when you heard him sing softly to himself while tapping his foot.

“You say anything to anybody, especially my brother, and I put you behind bars.” he tried to say seriously but a smile was on his face.

“You are the one with the gun, I am not going to push my luck.” you chuckled raising your hands; before the both of you went back to cooking.

The night went on by smoothly as you finished everything. You tried not to pay attention when he seemed to try to get close to you, trap you between the kitchen counter and his body because he wanted to get something from the drawers, but you certainly didn’t miss the smirk on his face. After that the two of you ate in silence, only making a small talk but definitely feeling comfortable all the while.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more perfect.” Dean grinned as he took the last bite from his slice of pie and you giggled.

“It’s all homemade, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” you took a sip of your whine and he did the same, grinning at you in the end.

“Enjoyed it? (Y/n) this is seriously the best damn pie I have ever eaten in my life!” he said like an excited little child “And trust me, I’ve eaten lots of it in my life.” he pointed out, resting his arms on the table as he leaned forwards.

You really tried hard not to get distracted by how well he looked with that loose tie around his neck, his shirt slightly undone and his arms showing because of his rolled-up sleeved. You never knew you’d have a thing for a man’s arms this much before but Dean Winchester was really making you feel all sorts of things without even trying to.

“I don’t really take pride in my cooking but that coming from you means a lot, Dean. So thank you.” you giggled, tucking a few strands behind your ear a little too shyly. You had managed to impress a man like him, much less have a dinner that – with the way you interacted – could as well be considered a date. This definitely surpassed every expectation.

“Don’t, I’m just saying the truth.” he smiled at you clicking your glass with his “Just careful-” he paused for a moment “You’re making me fall harder for you and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop it.” he winked and took a last sip of his whine as you did. In your case mostly to hide our blush.

“Alright-” you cleared your throat “Now that you’ve made me blush fifty shades of red-” you chuckled and he grinned “I really think you need to get some shut eye. You look really tired.”

“As much as I would love to stay the entire night up and talk with you, sweetheart-” he let a heavy sigh, running his hand through his hair “I’m beat. It’s been a very long day and I really feel like I’m gonna pass out.”

“I understand. Uhm-” you got up and he followed suit “I have a guest room upstairs but- but it’s a mess. After what happened with- yeah, I haven’t been in to tidy things up and- I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Sweetheart, for real it’s no problem. I can’t blame you either. I’ve had so much worse, and considering the situation I am in, your couch seems very appealing too.” he gave you a lazy smile but you couldn’t help but still feel bad.

“I- I wish I could ask you to sleep in my bed since it’s big enough but- but that seems too straight forward.” you bit on your lower lip but his deep chuckle warmed your heart.

“Although that really seems like a dream coming true I’ll wait to fight my way in there.” he gave you a soft grin “Promise, the couch seems great.”

“Alright.” you let a long sigh “I’m- I’m gonna get some blankets and pillows for you while you take a shower. And please, Dean-” you raised a hand before he could protest “-You are practically risking your life here for me, job or not, and going to sleep on my couch on top of it! A shower is much needed, we both know it. Now don’t protest officer because I will have to use force and trust me, you don’t want that.”

“Did you just call me an officer?” he asked with a perplexed smile and you just chuckled, shrugging.

“No matter your ranking you are always a cop, and that doesn’t mean a shit to me now. Come on, I have a few fresh clothes for you to wear too. Shower’s first door up the strairs, and don’t question my order sir.” you said with a smirk as you walked forward.

Dean merely laughed to himself, shaking his head as he watched you leave with a fond smile as he breathed out “That woman.”

~*~

To say that Dean didn’t need this shower would be a major lie. His entire bode felt sore and his muscles ached at first but definitely relaxed once he let the hot water run down on him. He got a little carried away, just resting his arm on the tiles and his head hanging low as the steaming water washed away all of his worries and most of his stiffness. Almost all of them at least. He couldn’t find it in himself to not worry about you. The possibility of something happening to you put the fear of gods in him and he didn’t like it one bit. He blamed himself for it, he couldn’t help it.

Pushing back his wet hair he ran his hands down his face. He stared at his reflection in the mirror after wiping away the steam to clear it out. He let out a heavy sigh as the same thought kept running through his mind, the same thought that hunted his every day ever since he found out she was after you.

“It’s all my fault.”

He shook his head at it and turned to wrap a fluffy towel around his waist, appreciating the fact that you had let it there for him. He didn’t notice any clothes so instead he opened the door only to instantly stop on his tracks when he felt something collide with his chest. His hands instinctively grabbed you before you could stumble and fall back. You blinked and finally looked up at him with those big innocent eyes of yours and for a moment he forgot how to breathe, let alone speak.

If only he knew how you were feeling at coming face-first with his bare chest. Bare wet chest, straight out of the shower with only a towel around his waist.

“S-sorry” you blinked, taking a step back and Dean let his hands fall by his side as he chuckled at you.

“No problem, sweetheart.”

You gave him a shy smile and brought the clothes up to him “Uhm I hope they fit. They are in good condition even if I practically ignored their existence all this time. They- they belong to an ex, not that… you really care about that, but he forgot them here after he moved out and… yeah.” you let out a shaky sigh.

Nobody could ever really prepare you for what truly was under those suits you always saw him in and boy was this a sight for sore eyes.

Dean scoffed but laughed “Idiot”

“Why?” you raised an eyebrow, giving him a perplexed look and he smiled at you.

“For letting a gorgeous woman like you go. Not that I can complain, if anything I should thank him sometime.” he chuckled and you bit your lip, smiling with a shake of your head.

“Well, Erik’s pretty far away at the moment. Probably traveling somewhere in Europe or something but- Thanks for that, I appreciate it.” you giggled.

“Shame for him. You don’t let the most exciting journey of being in a relationship with you just go away.” he said so smoothly you would have melted right then and there.

“Alright you poet-” you chuckled “I’ll leave you to change, I’ve already prepared everything downstairs for you to sleep, and if you need anything just ask. No matter the time.” you said with a gentle smile and he nodded his head.

“You’re a treasure.” he breathed out and you just brushed him off, turning away mostly to hide your blush.


	4. Chapter 4

However this time, and just as he finally thought he could actually feel himself drift away there was another sound that caught his attention. _But this one was the most disturbing of all: __**Your scream.**_

Dean’s eyes snapped open and he jumped in his place as if someone had just electrocuted him. His body acted as if on reflex and he grabbed the gun from under his pillow and din’t think a second to push the blankets away before he got on his feet and ran towards you. His bare feet echoed in the silence, although he still could feel as if your cry for help echoed in his ears.

“(Y/n)!” he roared, kicking the door open and soon raising his gun in front of him.

He wished at had been your idea, he knew you wished that as well, but there sure as hell was a figure there in the shadows casted by the moonlight and the tree’s big leaves. The only light inside the room was your bed lamp that of course wasn’t enough to lit up everything. His heart hammered in his chest and he felt the all-too-familiar adrenaline pump through his veins along with his blood. He clenched his jaw as he growled at the person. He glanced at you to make sure you were alright and nobody had touched you only to find you staring with wide eyes at the window, outside of which the person was; having climbed on the tree.

“Stand still now!” his voice roared in the room and he knew he heard him crystal clear because the window was open “Hands where I can see them!” he added, holding his gun with both hands as he growled at the person.

The person seemed scared for a moment, not moving. Dean slowly approached them as they stood still, and he could swear for a moment – luckily – that considering the figure and as much as he could make out it certainly wasn’t her. But that didn’t mean he would be more gentle, if anything. Just because they had tried to sneak in your house or even take a peak at you he would make sure to make their life a living hell.

“I- I’m sorry.” came a low stuttering voice that showed how intimidated the person was by Dean pointing a gun at them but it all happened fast because they soon started sliding down from the tree and Dean snapped into action, running for the window to grab him but he wasn’t fast enough. He pointed with his gun, following him but not having a clear shot of him. And for fear of upsetting the entire neighbourhood with aimless gunshot his put his gun away as he caught a last glimpse of… the kid.

“Damn it” Dean growled frustrated, putting his gun away “Fucking teens and their stupid hormones.” he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, remembering the cases similar to this event having come up in the police station.

A whimper caught his attention and his head snapped to your direction, his eyes widening as he rushed to your side “No, no hey. Hey it’s alright.” he whispered as you blinked, finally looking at him. Your entire body was shaking but the moment you locked eyes with Dean’s you launched forwards and wrapped your arms around him, Dean doing the exact same.

“Alright, alright.” he let a small sigh as you buried your face in his chest “Everything’s fine, princess. Nobody’s getting to you.” he whispered, his voice still rough as he could feel you shaking in his hands.

“Wh-what-” you squeaked and Dean gave you a squeeze. You closed your eyes shut as held the back of your neck,rubbing softly before he cupped your cheek; pushing your hair out of the way and making you look at him.

“It’s ok, I promise everything is ok princess.” he cradled your face as his forehead touched yours. He was looking deeply in your eyes, hoping for a sign that you could finally calm down.

You took in a breath but it was shaky “I felt a presence. I- I stood there for a moment befo-before turning and they- they were just standing there. Watching me.” you closed your eyes, whimpering softly “The window was open but they didn’t do a thing. Wh-who was that Dean?” you opened your eyes, tears welling up in them.

Dean felt his heart break in pieces inside his chest at seeing you so vulnerable. He had seen you in fear before, but now that you were so fragile at the mere prospect of her standing out there – even if it really wasn’t her – made Dean fear not just for your physical but also emotional well-being.

“Just some idiot. Kids these days think it’s fucking alright to creep around like this and stare at women, there have been reports of such events before in the station.” he growled “Don’t worry, I’ve seen him before. I know him, I’ll make him regret ever thinking to come close like this.” his voice tone softened as he rubbed his thumb on your cheek.

Your eyes fluttered shut as your lips parted and a shaky sigh left your lips. You gave him a weak nod, choking on a sob that left your throat before burying your face again in his chest covered by the black T-shirt. The only thing Dean could do was close his eyes and bury his own face in your hair as he rubbed your back comfortingly. He felt you still shake in his arms and a tear or two make his shirt wet but he didn’t even think to pull away. He only let you shift so that you were sitting on his lap, or more like could curl in it as Dean had his arms wrapped around you.

“I- I thought it was-” your voice whispered shakily and Dean stopped you with a squeeze.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” he sighed heavily, feeling his heart tighten “She’s not gonna get you, (Y/n). I promise you, as long as I am alive I’m not gonna let her lay a finger on you ever again. I’ll be here for you, always.”

He slowly felt you calm down in his arms, or at least your body tremble less and give him a small nod “I know.” you sniffled, pulling away to look him in the eyes. You gave him a weak smile, although your red and tear-filled eyes showed how much all of this was affecting you “I know” you whispered, leaning in to press your lips on his cheek in a soft kiss.

He gave you a soft smile before saying in a low rough whisper “Come on, you need some sleep.”

You moved from his lap and holding onto his shoulders, fisting his shirt in your hand and as his arms were wrappedaround you, he helped you walk to your bed. He tucked you in like you were some little child, sitting next to you as he pushed the strands out of your face.

“Do you think you can do this?” he asked softly as you looked up at him “Or do you want me to stay here?”

“I wish I could make a joke about this now but-” you let out a shaky sigh, closing your eyes for a moment “No, Dean thank you. You just go get some shut eye, I don’t want to wake you up with my nightmares for no reason.”

“Your nightmares would not be no reason.” he said with a clenched jaw and you gave him a small smile.

“I know, but go. I’ll be alright, I know that perv’s gonna get what he deserves from my brave detective so I don’t have to worry.” you said in a low voice and Dean nodded his head, unable to mirror the subtle smile that was on your face.

“If you say so.” he said in a low voice, before he got up.

“D” you whispered before you could stop yourself, taking hold of his hand “Thank you.” you added and he knelt in front of your bed again.

“Don’t.” was the only thing he said, kissing your forehead before doing the same with your hand. With one last smile he got up and took his gun.

“Can you leave the light and door open?” your low voice caught his attention again and he nodded his head.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight, Dean.” he heard you whisper as you shifted in your bed, wrapping the blankets tighter around you as you nuzzled your face in the pillow. He rested his weight on the doorframe, looking at you to make sure you were alright before with a final sigh, he left to get some sleep before something woke him up again. Possibly his own worries. That were also called nightmares.

Just like it would happen with you.

~The following morning~

Rays of sunlight peaked through every corner of your house as you walked down the stairs. Your head was hurting from the lack of sleep and the scare you got the previous night could have you still shaking, but you could only feel your lips curve into a smile when you thought of how Dean had barged in the previous night. From how angry he was thinking you were in danger, to how ready he was to tear everything that would harm you to… how gentle and protective he was with you afterwards.

You knew he always was good at his job of protecting other but you had never seen him take it to this level. It made you feel special, you couldn’t deny it.

You paced a hand over your mouth to keep yourself from giggling loudly as you took in the look of Dean on your couch. Adorable didn’t even begin to describe him. You bit hard on your lip as you watched him sleep on his stomach, his arms spread and falling off the couch and his lips slightly parted as he snored softly. You never thought a man as tough as him would be like this when sleeping. You slowly walked towards him, making sure to make no noise because he deserved the extra sleep, and bended down slightly with a tilt of your head to take a better look at him. You grinned to yourself at how peaceful he look, that an insanely cute with his lips parted like that. You took in his messy hair, something you always loved about him. They always looked so soft and now, like this, sticking out in every possible direction you just felt more tempted than ever to run your fingers through them.

You also tried not to get too distracted by the freckles on his cheeks and looked away. Only to notice his blanket had fallen of slightly. You tucked it back in place and covered him better, smiling when he snuggled more with the pillows you’d given him. You started to wonder how long it has been since he last got a good night’s sleep- even if your couch could not be considered exceptionally comfortable it could definitely make anyone feel at home.

Biting your lip you pulled your hand away and walked around carefully, starting to fold his clothes and leave them on the other couch for him to find when he woke up. You had to keep yourself really hard from just running your fingers over the fabric but you didn’t keep yourself from feeling jealous of the clothing material for being all over him all day. Yes you were, who the hell could blame you?

You walked to the kitchen and thought of preparing something to eat. Considering it was the first time you had someone – a man as handsome as Dean at that – in your house ever since you broke up with your boyfriend, you really felt at a loss. But you just shook any worries away with a smile and just focused on the task at hand.

About an hour later, and several pancakes later, you heard footstep behind you. You looked over your shoulder to see Dean walk in slowly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand almost like a little kid.

You giggled, looking down at the eggs you were now preparing “Morning.” you said a lot more cheerfully than you expecting considered the fear you had to feel the previous night.

“G'morning.” you heard his deep voice say, and you had to admit you loved his morning husky voice a little too much.

“Slept well?” you asked as you felt him come closer to you.

“Yeah, actually really well. But I woke up even better.” he said with a lazy grin as he came next to you and took a bite of the bacon that was sitting on the kitchen counter “Everything smells so damn good.” he swallowed before continuing “But all of this for me? You’re spoiling me, sweetheart.”

You chuckled looking at him from the corner of your eyes “Don’t flatter yourself, detective. I just feel like I need to do my best to repay you for all you’re doing for me.”

“You don’t have to.” he shook his head with a smile “Where do you have the coffee mugs?” he asked as you pointed to the shelves right next to your head.

“Do you want coffee?” you almost jumped when you felt his body press to your back and his breath fan over your cheek and neck.

“Y-yeah” you whispered, trying to keep yourself from squeaking.

You could practically imagine the grin on his face as he took hold of two mugs and pulled away from you, ready to make coffee for the two of you. You still couldn’t shake of the feeling at the pit of your stomach at how he remembered the way you liked your coffee, even if you had never really told him.

“This house is really nice.” Dean said in a soft voice, leaning against the counter as he looked around “Save for the assholes sometimes it’s… quiet, home-y.” he said with a half-smile and you looked at him.

“Partially why I wanted to live here. It reminds me a lot of my old house, and at the same time it’s all mine. Without any parents to ask me all the time where I’ve been or what time I was going to come back.” you said with a soft chuckle “You know, usual parent stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess.” he gave you a small smile and shrug.

You looked at him and your smile fell, realizing the mistake you’d made. You looked back down, biting the inside of your cheek “Shit. I-I’m sorry, Dean.”

“No, no it’s alright.” he shook his head, brushing you off “I’m used to it. It’s been very long after all.”

“No, Dean. Really, I- I never think before I talk and I know that… I know how hard it has been for you and Sam, ever since your mother’s death.” you placed the eggs on a plate “And what happened with your father afterwards was… No kid should have to go through that in its life.” you mumbled, turning off the fire.

“Yeah, well Agent John Winchester wasn’t really known for being soft. He raised us as warriors and I don’t think I can blame him anymore, I can’t hold a grudge on him. Not now. At least I am glad I could do as much as it was possible for Sammy to not feel his absence as much as I did. Although that was nearly impossible.” he shrugged with a sigh, going on with preparing the coffee.

“You didn’t have to be his father though, Dean. It wasn’t fair for you, nobody should have to ask from a little child something like that. You- you got to hold a gun when other kids were playing with cars and other toys.” you felt your heart tighten inside your chest as you remembered all of the things Sam had told you about their past. You were more close with the younger Winchester, knowing him for that long and all, but you still felt really at ease with Dean to be openabout your thoughts.

“Yeah, well I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it?” he asked, glancing at you before he looked out of the window “Important thing is Sammy managed to be a lawyer the way he always wanted, and is at the same time involved with this so we didn’t have to part ways, and me… Well, this job ain’t that bad. The family business, that’s how we called it. We save people, one way or another, and at the end of the day that’s what matters.” he said, finally blinking and looking back down at the coffee.

“People like your mother.” you whispered with a soft smile and he looked up to lock eyes with yours.

“Yeah” he whispered “And people like you.” he added with an equally tender smile and your smile turned into a shy one.

“She’d be very proud of you. They both would.” you whispered and he gave you a barely visible smile, but you knew that he meant it. He nodded his head, looking down for a moment before clearing his throat as if to the change the subject.

“Plus-” he took a deep breath “If I didn’t do this job we wouldn’t have met, would we?” he said with a soft smirk and you chuckled.

“I suppose.” you mumbled with a shrug as you poured some juice in two glasses as well.

“And now that I’m thinking about it-” he put on a playful smile as he looked at you “Don’t you and my brother talk an awful lot?”

“Why, detective?” you giggled “Jealous much?”

“Shouldn’t I be?” he asked with a chuckle as he handed you your cup of coffee “I think I have every right to.”

“Not exactly, Mr Winchester.” you pointed out but he just rolled his eyes “Besides, Sam and I are friends. I think that was obvious from the first moment.” you added more softly, feeling for some reason like you needed to justify yourself to him.

He decided not to comment on that though and only came to sit right in front of you as the both of you enjoyed your breakfast in comfortable silence, only a few words being spoke here and there about how you were feeling and if you were still too shaken from what had happened. To say you felt flattered from his concern would be a great understatement. It also didn’t hurt that while doing his work and being here with you, you got the chance to know the man better. No matter how much Sam told, and no matter how much Dean would let you know about him the first time he worked on your case, there still were things you didn’t know about him; such as his great appetite.

You had to admit it was adorable how he stuffed his face with all the bacon he could get and the eggs because he was starving, and – his words – your cooking rocked.

“Oh lemme go get that.” he said through a mouth full, trying to swallow it down by taking a sip of his coffee when he heard his phone ring.

“Alright.” you giggled eating some of your pancakes.

Dean came into view a few minutes later, talking on his phone “Yeah, Sam, I’m- I’m still at (Y/n)’s but I’ll make sure to make a stop their on the way.” he paused listening to his brother talk for some time before speaking again “Yeah, no problem with that. I sent a text to Cas last night. He said he’s ready to help anytime, I’m just gonna give him another call today from the office to settle everything.” he paused as he took his previous seat, listening to his brother talk again as he ate more of the bacon, or what was left of it.

“Nah I don’t think how much of a help Crowley will be considering what’s happened with-” he stopped as Sam said something while the only thing you did was raise your eyebrows at him. You knew from rumors that the Winchestersresorted to all kinds of means to get some cases done but you didn’t know that actually meant working with criminals. Not that he was that per say, he was a businessman with lots of money. Practically King of his enterprises, you didn’t really know what they were about and didn’t care to ask, but practically everybody knew there was tons of blood on his list too.

“You think?” he asked “Yeah, ok alright I’ll look into that too. You just send the pictures you got on my mail, you’ll just have to wait till I go home or at the office, I’ll need a computer.”

“Oh I- I have a computer.” you spoke up, catching his attention.

“Really? Yeah, that would be great (Y/n).” he told you, pulling his phone slightly away and you were immediately on your feet to go get it.

“Huh?” he asked as he spoke into the phone “Yeah I’m with her at the moment, why?” he asked, stopping to listen “No Sam, of course she still hasn’t ran as far away as possible from me. No she hasn’t even kicked me- What the hell, Sam!? Whose side are you even on?” he asked in disbelief and hurt that it made you giggle as you got back in the kitchen.

“Here” you said softly as you opened the computer for him.

“Alright, just send me the files I’ll call you later about more details.” he said before listening to Sam say something else. Dean merely rolled his eyes and glanced at you.

“I’m ok Sam, don’t need any of your crap now.” he sighed heavily, listening to him some more “Yeah, alright. I’m fine, ok? Fine. I’m not gonna do something stupid, I’m not-” he cut himself off again as Sam said something more that made him clench his jaw.

“_Bye_ Sam.” he said sharply and pursed his lips before hanging up.

“Everything alright?” you asked in a low voice and he let a sigh, finally nodding his head.

“Yeah, don’t worry.” he said in a rough voice as he typed on your computer. You only bit the inside of your cheek and played with your food. You missed the way he looked at you from his seat or the way he shook his head, licking and biting his lip in frustration. Cursing at himself, and maybe his brother, inside his head.

His eyes focused on the computer as he finally opened the message his brother had sent him and his back immediately straighten “Son of a bitch.” he growled and you didn’t miss to notice the change in his behavior that moment.

“Wh-what?” you frowned, getting actually worried “What is it, Dean?” you got up from your seat and made your way to him. You didn’t have the time to even think you could be prying, maybe you got a little too worried about him but the moment you took a look at the screen you felt your heart leap to your throat. And it was not the good kind of way.

“She-” a lump formed in your throat, preventing you from speaking as your eyes focused on the brunette. You could almost feel tears well up in your eyes as your heart started beating faster inside your chest in actual fear. The memories were just too painful as you remembered all the near-death experiences you’d had every time she was standing in front of you.

“So… she is back in town after all, huh?” you asked in a low voice and Dean let a small growl of frustration as he ran his fingers through his hair. He clenched his jaw as he clicked on a video.

“I thought it was just my imagination. I _wished_ it could be but-” you almost choked on a sob and Dean’s eyes jumped on you when he realized you were struggling to breathe the longer you looked at the pictures, and video of her.

“Wha- No, (Y/n).” he breathed out, snapping the laptop shut so that you wouldn’t look anymore at it “(Y/n)” he said in a more rough and strong voice, eyes almost wide as he took hold of your shoulders “Calm down, please just calm down. (Y/n), it’s alright.”

“I’m-” you blinked, shaking your head as he wrapped his arms around you. You let out a shaky sigh, closing your eyes for a moment.

“I’m ok. I promise, I’m ok. I’m fine. I will be.” you said shakily, slowly pulling away when in reality the only thing you wanted to do was hold onto him and never let go.

“She really is back for me… isn’t she?” you whispered, looking up at him in the eyes as he let a long sigh, rubbing softly your head, pushing some strands out of your face.

“She is, yeah. That’s what Sam thinks, and that’s how it seems.” he clenched his jaw “You’re the only one from her victims that escaped, and she never lets anyone live. But that doesn’t mean I am gonna let her get you. This time I am not just gonna try to put her behind bars.” he said angrily, almost growling the words.

You frowned as you looked at him, scared of what could possibly happen next. You had never seen Dean like this and it almost scared you. He looked like an animal ready to attack any given moment and tear its pray into pieces to defend you.

“I am gonna kill her myself, I’ll end this once and for all.”

~*~

After making sure you were alright, Dean changed into the clothes he was wearing the previous day. He didn’t seem like he really wanted to leave you but when he got a call from his partner that they needed to meet up he gathered up all his will and actually made the decision to leave you. You knew he was worried, with the recent footage more so than before, and he actually insisted at dropping you off at work to make sure you’d arrive there safe, but you insisted you would be just fine. You had to get on your feet and you had to do it on your own.

“_Call me in case something comes up, alright? No matter the time. And text me when you get there. I’ll always be ready to reply.”_ he had said with an intense look, before finally leaving the house. You stood on the doorway for a few minutes, watching him get into the Impala and after a final glance and nod of his head drive away.

He didn’t want to. It was more obvious than ever before, and, knowing the feeling of the small tug at your heart when you watched the car disappear, you realized you didn’t want him to leave either. But you knew he had a job to do, much more important than you and, probably, your life. Just because he worked at the police station of a small town like this didn’t mean his job wasn’t appreciated or that he wasn’t sought after - hence, the files from the freaking office of the President of the United States just the night before.

With a last heavy sigh you decided to get ready for work, wear your uniform, and head out for yet another day, hopefully, like every other of your life.

~*~

You chewed down on your lip as you stared at your phone in your hands. You fought really hard to keep the smile off your lips but you couldn’t at how sweet he was being. He’d actually sent you a message to make sure you had arrived at work safe and sound and had the butterflies in your stomach going crazy.

“Let me guess-” a voice said and you jumped, putting the phone hastily back in your pocket “Federal business?” she raised an eyebrow, smirking knowingly as you huffed, rolling your eyes. Your shoulders relaxing.

“If you wanna know-” you had given her that excuse so many times it was an on going joke anymore “It actually is.”

“Right.” she said, placing her bag next to her on the counter “Just like is threatening the entire police station to fire them all if they ever disrespected you?” she grinned when your eyes widened.

“How do you know about that?” you blinked, already going to your task of preparing her coffee. It had become a habbitanymore and you had fallen into a comfortable routine you didn’t even have to ask what she wanted when she came in the morning, because even when she ordered something extra it happened to be on a specific day and you always beat her at it.

“Jenna was there for something about the robbery in Ric’s house. Now- don’t avoid my question, miss (Y/l/n).” she said leaning forward and you just rolled your eyes again.

“It’s nothing, ‘Lena. Besides, you didn’t ask one to be exact.”

“Oh don’t get me started with this! I could always tell Caroline and we’d have the answers out of you in seconds anyway.” she shrugged as you gave her a look.

“Elena” you pursed your lips before finally shaking your head “It’s nothing important, after all.”

“Of course.” she straightened her back “Just like his getting out of your house this morning is no big deal, huh?”

Your eyes widened and you almost dropped her drink “Wh-what? How do you know that now!?”

“I just happened to be driving by this morning, to take you to work but I saw his black beauty of a car parked outside before he finally excited and I had to leave.” she said with a glint in her eyes “You slept with Mr green eyes, didn’t you?”

“No, 'Lena.” you shook your head “He just- He spent the night at my place, yes, but nothing happened. It’s not what it looks like.” you insisted.

“Really? Come on, (Y/n). I’m your friend, I wouldn’t blame you - and honestly nobody else would - if you actually did something. Dean Winchester is a man that many women want to be with, and many actually have. But ever since he met you, he seems to have eyes only for you. He’s got the hots for you (Y/n), and that’s very obvious.” she said casually but her words were definitely not as simple to you.

You tried to brush it off and not let your hoped get up “Whatever.”

“Come on, he’s a gorgeous man and he’s shown an interest in you. Yeah, that’s making lots of nurses jealous at the hospital but- who cares?”

“They’re talking about us?” your eyes widened as you gasped.

“The entire town knows him, (Y/n). He and his brother are practically heroes here, of course people are gonna talk about them. It just happens that they took notice how the older Winchester, also the biggest flirt and womanizer known, seems to be head over heels for someone.” she shrugged “They don’t really know much about you, considering it was all brought up by him actually rejecting one of them a good couple nights ago, but still-”

“Bloody great.” you huffed “But things- It’s not- We’re just… friends, Lena. We don’t- nothing happened last night, nor will ever happen.”

“Right. And let me guess, it was all part of his job too? Sleeping at you place.”

“Yeah, it actually was. Just like- just like texting me this morning. It’s all just part of his job. It might seem like a joke but it’s actually all… federal business. Dea- Detective Winchester is just really good at his job, and he wants to make sure he can save as many people as he can. He’s doing his job right, that’s all Elena.” you bit the inside of your cheek in the end.

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” she crossed her arms over her chest.

“No, I’m not trying to convince anyone. I am only stating facts.” you said a little more bitterly and sadly than you wanted to “When A-_ she_… she came after me he didn’t have to resort to something like this, because we thought it would be easy for them to catch her. But they didn’t. She was never put behind bars, and I know- everybody does that he never let go of that. Things were quite for some time, things still are but he is still worried as he should be considering his job. It’s only been a few months, and for a cop like Dean- it’s hard to let go of cases like this. That or…” you trailed off, a deep frown setting on your face.

“Or?” she raised an eyebrow as you handed her her drink.

You let out a defeated sigh “Or… things are worse this time, doc.” you looked at her. Her playful smile vanished when she realized you were being serious and she realized everything.

“What?” she whispered as you shook your head.

“I wish I- I am wrong, I really do, but I am scared that I might not be. I’ve actually caught sight of some thing that really scared me. That’s why he was at my place last night. She-” you locked eyes with her “She’s back, Lena. She’s back for me, and both Dean and I know that now.”

~*~

“Dean” you sighed into the phone, smiling nonetheless. You’d started using his first name more and more and truth was you enjoyed it a little more than you should.

“I will be fine, don’t apologize for being unable to come pick me up from work. And yes-” you didn’t give him the chance to continue “-I know it’s late, and I know it’s dark and dangerous and all that but I can manage on my own. I’m a grown girl, don’t worry about me. You have other cases to work on.” you shrugged although he couldn’t see it.

“_I told them I don’t want to get involved with any more cases, though.”_ you heard him say in frustration.

“You know that practically impossible, especially when it’s the President asking you to.” you fixed your bag as you locked the door of the small restaurant behind you “Besides- how can you ever explain it to anyone? Sure you’ve done it before but that lasted only for a couple months, and that was it. We don’t even know how long it will last this time.”

“_This is not just some case, (Y/n).”_ his voice was stern _“I can’t be stuck in a fucking office when she is on the loose, threatening you every freaking second. I __**shouldn’t**__ be stuck here, but I am. And if something happens-”_

“Hey, let me stop you right there detective.” you were serious but your voice held a lighter tone “I am the one supposed to be pessimistic and worried here, remember? You’re the tough cop that always comes to my rescue like the perfect knight you are. I have faith in you, alright?” your voice turned into a whisper “I know you’ll do it this time, you’ll do it in the end. Right now you just need a win, or maybe more than one. So take up that case and every other you need after that. I promise, I’ll be alright.” you weren’t even walking, just standing there and talking to him trying to give him some courage.

“_You’re… amazing.”_ he breathed out in a hoarse voice _“You’re-”_ he stopped himself and you just listened to his heavy breathing for some time _“I’ll finish this, (Y/n). I promise you, I won’t rest until it’s over.”_

“I know you won’t.” you felt your heart swell inside your chest as you looked down “You’re too stubborn, detective Winchester.”

“_Glad you noticed, sweetheart.”_ you heard his deep chuckle that warmed your heart _“Oh uh just a sec.”_ he said as you heard some mumbling and shuffling before his voice became clear again _“Gotta go, princess. Your knight has to talk with the king.”_ he let a soft chuckle and you rolled your eyes, hating how you’d let it slip because now he wouldn’t stop teasing you about it _“I’ll make sure to give you a call when I’m done but don’t forget text me when you get home, alright? I’ll have my phone open for you.”_

“Careful there, detective. Might sound like you care a little too much about me, maybe more than the case.” you said with a soft laugh but you didn’t get one in response, you were only met with silence.

“_I do.”_ he said, almost sounding a little hurt.

You shook your head although he couldn’t see it “I know.” it was barely audible, before you cleared your throat “Alright, I better not keep you occupied anymore. I’ll text you when I get back. Bye, Dean.” you almost didn’t give him a chance to reply, not that he seemed like he was about to because a pause followed after your words. You could practically picture him clenching his jaw as you spoke to him, his entire body stiff at what you’d said. You let a sigh, shaking your head before putting your phone back in your bag.

“Well, that was… interesting.” a voice stopped you before you could take a step forward.

“What…?” you whispered, your eyes widening in utter terror. You could recognize that voice anytime over any other. You didn’t even have to see a face to know who it was, but she stepped from the shadows nonetheless just to verify your worst fear.

“I never thought that coming back to continue what I started would mean… _this_.” a curious smile formed on her lips “But it only makes things more appealing.” her eyes locked with yours and every hint of amusement vanished.

Just as your heart dropped “You”


	5. Chapter 5

“You” you breathed out, your bag falling from your hands. You limbs felt numb all of a sudden and your entire body was frozen.

“Hello, (Y/n).” the calmness in her voice made your skin crawl “It’s a pleasure to see you, it has been a while since we actually spoke.”

Your breathing was uneven and your heart was hammering inside your chest, wanting to beat out of it. Your hands were shaking and your knees felt like giving away. Your throat and mouth went dry and your eyes stung with unshed tears as the memories were too painful to brush away. Every time you even saw a picture of her you remember everything she had done to you, you remember how it was to feel the life slowly leave your body and cold surround your soul. You never knew how she did it, but the fear she put in your heart was beyond imaginable. You stared at her in utter horror, your blood rushing faster through your veins as you tried to control your body as fear took over. You already felt like suffocating and she wasn’t even close to you as much as she should to really harm you. It was nearly impossible to control everything considering the nightmares you’d had over time about what she could possibly do to you next. However, you willed yourself to take a deep breath and calm yourself down as much as you could. Dean’s comforting voice could be heard in your head and you stayed strong for _his_ sake.

He believed in you, he would want you to stay strong and fight just like you had done every other time she came after you. You were going to make him proud and fight back like you never had before. He’s saved you plenty of times, it was time to prove that I wasn’t for nothing.

“I’m sorry if I find it hard to say the same, considered you almost killed me the last time I saw you.” you hissed at her, anger evident in your voice mostly to mask your fear.

“I know that, which is precisely why I am here now. To finish what I started and put you out of this misery you call your life.” she talked about killing you like she was doing you a favor and it sent unpleasant shivers down your spine at hoe calm she could be about this.

“No, thanks but I like it this way. I’m actually gonna keep it as it is, don’t need any favors from you.” you scoffed, trying to mask your fear as she walked closer to you.

“Of course you do now, don’t you? Ever since you met him things have changed.” she said with a soft, but creepy smile, as your breath got caught in your throat “Detective Dean Winchester.”

“Why? Jealous, _Amara_?” you growled and she merely scoffed a laugh. You didn’t use her name often, you had only said it two times before and that was way back, before you knew what she was capable of, and before the mere thought of her put the fear of gods in you.

“Oh _please_.” her arrogance got to you more than it should, which wasn’t exactly ideal considering she could put a bullet through your skull any moment. Of course she had a gun with her, you didn’t need to see it.

“I don’t know, to me it really seems like that.” you wanted to be brave, you tried to, you didn’t want to let her see how scared you were. Not this time.

“Maybe considering how he wants to _kill you_ and _protect me_\- your relationship is not really going to work. Just saying.” you added, although you could feel yourself shake slightly.

“Interesting theory but you don’t know a single thing about me and him, and I can’t say it’s your fault. Nor his, I wouldn’t expect him to openly talk about this.”she shrugged before continuing “Point is- I’ve kept silent for some time it would seem that I didn’t want to go on with this but- that’s not true. That’s far from it, and I am not going to let a girl like you ruin everything. This is so much beyond you, you don’t even understand it (Y/n).”

“Yeah you know what? I understand that you want to kill me. I understand that you have done your best the first few times we saw each other, the scars will remind me forever of those moments.” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat as tears formed in your eyes “I understand that this small break you gave me of a few months was to make things worse and prepare your next move. To break me down emotionally as well. Because you knew that Dean would not stop until he caught you. And he almost did last time. So no, I don’t need to understand what your motives are. I don’t care to know who has wronged you this much to turn you into a killer because at the end of the day you’re just that. A killer.” you shrugged, taking in a shaky breath at how drained you felt.

It took all your will power and strength to keep a straight face and not crumble in fear, not to mention speak up to her like that. Every time you’d faced her before you had almost died, so every time she was even mentioned you could feel as if you went back to those moments where life slipped straight out of you. And you could feel every single bit of it.

“It makes this easier for you, doesn’t it? Thinking I am just a cold-hearted killer that will stop at nothing to get what she wants. That doesn’t care, doesn’t think, acts on instinct… and doesn’t feel. That would make things easier, but they’re not easy I am afraid. Tell me, in these few months I was gone, did you even stop for a moment to think why Dean let me go that time? Why he didn’t just kill me?” she tilted her head to the side and you clenched your jaw.

“Because he wanted you behind bars, because he thought there could be a chance for you to redeem yourself because-because he wouldn’t go for the kill first before-”

Her laughter cut you off “Dean? Detective Dean Winchester wouldn’t go for killing the criminal the first chance he got? Do you honestly believe that or are you trying to convince yourself?” she shook her head, walking closer towards you almost like a predator, despite how calm she was “He didn’t kill me because he didn’t want to, it’s that simple. Because he will always help me, and I will always help him in return.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” you scoffed, shaking your head mostly to not let her words get to you; although they were already clouding your thoughts and vision “Dean’s a cop, a very good one at that. He is determined to save people, and criminals like you? He just kills you, sooner or later. _He doesn’t help you._”

“You don’t want to believe it, do you? I can’t blame you, it must be hard considering you saw him as your savior. But he only feels guilty, and you’ll see it for yourself.” she approached you and you growled at her, angry at both her and yourself for how your tears threatened to spill.

“Shut up.” you hissed “And don’t get any fucking closer to me.” you were getting defensive the closer she got.

“You… have feelings for him, don’t you?” she asked with a tilt of her head “Doesn’t surprise me, he is an amazing man… and an amazing kisser, that I cannot deny.” she smiled softly as you felt your heart leap to your throat. You frowned at her, feeling more hurt than you should but you tried to convince yourself she was only lying. She had to be.

For the love of, she was a criminal. A cold-hearted killer, there was no way nothing could have ever happened between those two.

“What? Didn’t know about that? Guess he doesn’t tell you everything after all.” she shrugged her shoulders softly as you glared at her.

You felt your heart beat painfully so inside your chest, she wasn’t known to be a liar despite everything she’d done “Shut up.” you shook your head furiously.

“I know it’s hard to believe it, you don’t want to. I wouldn’t want to if I were you but… it’s the truth. I wouldn’t lie aboutthis. What reason do I have to, anyway?” she asked so simply it only made you hurt even more. You didn’t know why – or maybe you did – but the more her words echoed in your mind the more it felt to hurt you.

You gritted your teeth and shook your head even more “You’re lying. You’re only lying. What the hell do you want?!” you screamed.

“There is no reason for me to, after all. You _know_ it.” she said so casually it only scared you more “Either way, that’s not our point here. Ask him, I’m sure he can’t deny it.” she shrugged “This life, this job, this town- it’s keeping him from reaching his full potential but he is worth so much. Much more than a simple waitress trying to make money so she maybe can go to study and _hopefully_become a nurse so that she can save people. But I’ll be fair, with how much time you’ve spent the last year, it would be inevitable to fall for him.”

“You don’t know a thing about me, so shut it.” you growled and she laughed at you.

“Oh but I know so much more than you can think of. I didn’t come after you for no reason, (Y/n). I didn’t know what that would spark between you and him but-” she shrugged her shoulders “That can be dealt with your death, it’s the easiest of all.” she said and although you had been listening to her you were still looking around, your mind working to find a way out of the situation.

“Oh please don’t.” she sighed, shaking her head and your eyes snapped on her. You realized you had taken a few steps back and away from her, so of course she would notice that you didn’t want to be near her another second.

“We’re alone here, (Y/n). And no car is just going to stop by at this time of the night. And Dean-” she smiled in a way that made you clench your jaw “He’s far away now, he won’t be able to save you this time. _Sadly_.”

“Go to hell.” you growled your movement more frantic as you looked around you.

“Please (Y/n), don’t make me pull a gun on you now. You asked me some questions, it would be fair to only answer them before all of this ends, don’t you think?” she got closer to you a whole lot faster than before and you did the same with backing away.

“Yeah, and I think you’ve been paying no attention to what I was saying either. I don’t give a fuck. You’ve killed so many people and keep going, and I just happen to be your next victim, it’s as simple as that to me. I don’t need to know anything else.” you shook your head, your vision becoming blurry with each passing moment.

“Then why do I think you really are interested in what I have to say about Dean?” she walked closer to you as your watched her warily. You never knew with her, she had practically almost strangled you to death before. Who knew what could happen now?

“Spare me the details of your bad romance.” you said in a hoarse voice “If you’re here to just kill me you should know by now I am not gonna go down without a fight.”

“Of course I know that.” she smiled casually “I think that’s what he likes the most in you, amongst many other things… and no, I am not talking about Dean.”

“You’re just insane.” you breathed out, shaking your head as you started moving again. This time in a circle so you could get closer to your bag, hopefully without hr realizing what you had in mind.

“Insane is just… such a strong word, don’t you think?” she made a face and you glared at her, your mind working on your next move and the move after that and the move after that. You were not going down easily, not to her, no matter how scared you were. You could break down and cry all night after you were as far away as possible from her.

“Yeah, you’d be a great psychologist and I would really enjoy our sessions if you weren’t holding a knife over my throat. Maybe work a little bit on your methods.” you said with clear irritation and anger at her.

“But… I am not holding a knife.” she laughed perplexed “Not yet.”

“Ah yeah I bet. But I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about the last time I saw you, threatening to kill me as always, with a knife _in my own house_.” you pursed your lips as she shrugged.

“It’s the most common crime scene, don’t you know that? Besides, I thought it would be the easiest way to just cut your throat and let you bleed silently. People that die violently can never find peace and I would never want that.” she shook her head, looking at the moon for a moment – but it was so short you couldn’t do a thing “Some say their souls are those which we call ghosts.” she said before letting out another sigh “You deserve to know peace, (Y/n) and I am here offering you just that. Don’t you want it? Don’t you want all this suffering to be over? Don’t you want me to offer you peace like you’ve never known before?”

“By killing me?” you couldn’t help a laugh at her words “What am I even supposed to say to that!? I- I don’t think there is a single thing I can say to you, you’re just out of your mind.” you shook your head.

“Why?” she looked truly confused “For wanting to put you out your misery? I thought that’s what you’d want to. No more struggling to put money aside, no more putting up with sleazy customers and their lack of respect, no more tolerating your boss and his mood-swings, no more… being a burden to the ones you love. No more putting Elena, Caroline and the rest of your friends in danger. No more troubling Sam Winchester with your worries and fears. No more burdening Dean with this case, with your _existence_. He won’t have to leave cases aside because he has to think of you. Don’t you want to free Dean of this weight you’ve put on his shoulders?” she narrowed her eyes at you as you glared daggers at her.

“Shut up” your breathing was uneven as you struggled to keep yourself under control.

“You know you are a burden. You actually do.” she said almost looking as if she felt sad for you but you knew it was a lie.

“Don’t worry.” you clenched your jaw as soon as you reached your bag “I actually plan on sparing Dean from having to look after me by the only way I know.” you looked deeply in her eyes as she frowned for a moment. You knew she was suspecting it for some time now but she didn’t exactly understand what you were trying to do.

“By getting rid of you.” you growled and you moved too fast for her to understand.

You quickly bent down to grab your bag and since you had no time to search for something to defend yourself you did the first thing you could think off, swinging it right in her face. She let out a loud groan, stumbling back and giving you the chance to run away. The You didn’t get far away before you heard her run after you.

“(Y/n)!” she shouted and you could hear a gun click behind you. You almost froze in place as she got closer to you, and you finally turned around to face her.

“I wish I didn’t have to use this.” she clenched her jaw, finally showing more emotion than you had ever seen her express. You glanced at her forehead to see a long gash run across the side of her head until it reached her brow, some blood running down. Another small slice was on her right cheek too.

“But you forced my hand.” she shrugged softly as you growled.

“Yeah, well so did you.” you glared at her “Hey how about next time you don’t break into my house?” you asked and as expected her hands lowered just an inch. She didn’t realize it, but you did.

“What do you-” she started but you cut her off.

“Use some keys.” you said and as fast as you could your threw your keys that were in your pocket right in her face. As a reflex she closed her eyes and backed away, giving you once more the chance to run away again. This time things seemed more in your favor as the big restaurant building was casting a shadow and she couldn’t see you.

But that didn’t mean she was not going to fire at you. Gunshots were heard and you saw several just close to your ear as you tried not to move much to give her a sign of where you could be but at the same time everything in you screaming for you to back away from her. A yelp left your lips when a bullet pierced the skin of your arm. You groaned at the immensepain, your first instinct was to clench your arm as a warm liquid started oozing out. You glanced down, the slightest bit of moonlight allowing you to see the crimson liquid. You whimpered when you squeezed your arm to keep the blood under control but you couldn’t.

“I didn’t want it to go this way, (Y/n). You are forcing my hand.” her voice echoed as her footstep got closer. And you let her as you leaned against a wall, your knees almost trembling. You were thankful for the few cars that were there and could shield you from her and most of the bullets. You knew you would have been more hurt by now.

“Yeah well-” you clenched your jaw as you glared at her “So are you.” your hand took hold of a tire iron and swang it at her. You proceeded to hit her in the stomach, effectively knocking off her gun. You kicked her as hard as you could, making her slam into a car so much there was a dent in it. The moment you took notice of where the gun was you made a run towards it. But just before you could reach it she took hold of your leg as she was curled on the floor and made you fall.

You growled as she dragged you towards her but instead of letting her do so you kicked her hand and then face, making her groan and moan in pain. You gritted your teeth as you kicked her hand again and again, surprised by how firm her grip was on you and how she just wouldn’t let go; only itching closer to you as you both were sprawled on the cold pavement. But with one final kick she let go of you and you managed to crawl towards the gun before she could recover.

“Stop right there!” you shouted at her as she pushed her brown curls out of the way and looked at you, a deep frown setting on her face as she scowled.

“You don’t know how to use it, (Y/n).” her voice was so calm as she got on her feet. And even with a gun in your hand you found yourself backing away.

“Put it down before you hurt yourself any worse. I’ve decided I’ll make it easy on you, quick and painless. You don’t have to fight.” she was slightly bent but was still walking forward towards you.

“I said to fucking stop!” you screamed at her, tears welling up in your eyes not just from your arm, but also extremely from your leg. You wouldn’t be surprised if you saw bruises there the next day. Would you lie to see the next day come, though?

“You’re not going to pull the trigger, we both know it.” she shook heer head with a half smile.

“Do you want to test me?” you growled at her.

“And then what are you gonna do, princess. What are you going to do after that with your house being so far away from here?” she raised an eyebrow.

Truth was you didn’t have an answer to that, you honestly didn’t even know how to use the damn gun in the first place properly. Your hands were shaking from everything you were feeling and holding it was the only thing you had in mind once you grabbed it. Would you shoot her or not to begin with?

You didn’t even have to answer as you heard a car approach and as you both glanced behind her you saw lights appear at the end of the road. Your heart jumped to your throat and as she looked at you with wide eyes and a glare you stilled yourself. You locked eyes with her and held the gun more firmly in your hand.

“Stay right there.” you growled before she could move anymore.

You took steps back, your eyes moving between her and the approaching car that seemed to slow down as soon as the driver spotted you. You were thankful because with how you were standing in the middle of the road he could have just as easily run over you. Not that it actually seemed as bad as getting killed by her hands. The headlights shone over you, illuminating the whole situation that was taking place.

“What is going on he-” the person started, getting out of the car only to freeze in her place when she noticed the gun on your hand “(Y/n)?” you recognized that voice and when you glanced back a small sigh of relief left your lips when you saw your friend’s mother.

“Liz” your voice trembled as you shook your head and she glanced at the person you were pointing your gun at, as you firm on it got tighter. A gasp left her lips, being a cop herself she could recognize Amara immediately.

“Get in the car!” she shouted and with a small whimper you did as told, the gun falling from your hands as you ran to the passenger’s side. But you didn’t get inside, you only watched as Liz drew her own gun and pointed at Amara.

“Stay right where you are!” she shouted but of course Amara wasn’t going to listen to her as she took off. Liz shot at her but she didn’t manage to do anything and before she could run after her you spoke up.

“No, Liz.” you shook your head “You won’t do much, please.”

“What the hell was she doing here?” she let a frustrated sigh, putting her gun away as you looked down for a moment.

You looked up and locked eyes with her as a sympathetic expression took over her features “Oh (Y/n).” she breathed out.

“She’s after me and she’s not going to stop, Liz.” you whisper, a small whine leaving your lips when you pressed your hand tightly on your arm to stop the bleeding.

“My gosh” she breathed out, picking up your bag and putting inside some of the things hat had been spilled out as you threw it at Amara. The both of you got inside the car without saying a thing as she handed you the bag.

“(Y/n), your arm. It’s bleeding.” she breathed out in her classic mom voice that she always used on you as well.

“No, it’s- it’s fine.” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat “Just-” you blinked several times, trying to keep the tears at bay “Can you drive me somewhere?” you asked as she was fast to give you a nod.

“Anywhere you want. But (Y/n), that needs taking care of.” she said, putting the car to movement.

“No, it’s alright. I got this, my- my friend will take care of it.” you looked down at yourself, the blood staining more of your clothes than you thought.

“(Y/n)” she sighed in that disapproving way of hers that just showed you her concern.

“No, Liz.” you shook your head, not wanting to look at her with your red eyes “I’m alright. _I promise. _And I- I will be better if you take me there. I know I will.” you knew she wasn’t worried just about your physical well-being but also your emotional. The fact that you were not talking much, or even expressing how you felt, bottling it all up made her frown at you.

“(Y/n), I know that facing her on your own is not easy sweetheart.” she said more gently, without pressuring you “I don’t expect you to just deal with it like you have faced thousands of criminals in your life. You were too stong to begin with when you put up a fight with her.” her voice turned into a small whisper “You don’t have to keep it inside, sweetie.”

She could see you fighting the tears back, of course your eyes were red and you were clenching your jaw and fist but didn’t reply to what she asked of you without words. In the end she just sighed and focused her eyes on the road.

“You’re just as important to me as my daughter is, (Y/n). I don’t want anything to happen to you, I want you to be alright in every possible way.” she said gently, not meeting your eyes.

“I know, Liz.” you smiled weakly “And I will be alright, all in due time.” you sniffled, hastily brushing away a stray tear from the corner of your eye “If you take me to him I know I will be alright. He’ll always take care of him. I know.” you whispered and she reluctantly nodded her head.

“Where are we going then?”

~*~

“(Y/n)?!” a shocked gasp had left his lips the first moment he took in the sight of you, bloody on his doorstep and holding onto Liz to keep yourself from crumbling down. He had gathered you in his arms without giving it a second thought, feeling it was almost natural to take care of you and protect you. He had helped you inside and the first thing he took care of with Liz’s help was your bleeding arm.

At the moment you were only feeling light-headed because of the pain killers and the extra alcohol you had consumed without him seeing because the pain was still too much for you to take. He had stitched it up pretty well, though, so you were glad you didn’t have to deal with blood loss as well. You could still understand most of the things they were saying as they stood in the door, Liz ready to leave.

“Please make sure she eats something too.” you heard Liz’s voice say as you cuddled with the blanket in the couch, your head resting on your knees “Sometimes she lets her emotions take the best of her and I- I worry that she might fall down.”

“Don’t worry, Liz, I will. Thank you for taking her here, if something happened to her, I-” he shook his head, not saying a word as he glanced in your direction.

“Don’t mention it, Winchester. You were the first one she wanted to see after such an experience and I can understand why.” she gave him a soft smile as he looked down for a moment.

“Please-” her voice turned into a whisper although you could still hear her “Don’t let her out of your sight, especially tonight. I know that the emotional trauma of seeing that woman again and having to fight her on her own was bigger than she might admit.”

“I wasn’t planning on letting her be, Liz, you know that.” he gave her a half smile “I know how she can be, I won’t let that affect her. I am going to make sure she has everything she needs and hopefully get her to talk a little bit. I’ll let her know that she is safe as long as I am around and breathing.”

“I know that.” she offered him a small smile and nod of her head “Goodnight.”

“Goodngiht, Liz.” he gave her a short hug and watched as she gave you a small glance, your eyes softly shut before she left.

He closed the door softly behind him, walking towards you and sitting next to you on the couch. Your eyes fluttered open and you blinked, your eyes falling on the door for a moment. You frowned before looking back at the man next to you “I must have drifted off.” you whispered and he gave you a tight smile.

“Doesn’t surprise me, it’s been a hard night for you already.” he said, his hand reaching out to tuck a few strands of hair behind your ear. He almost did it subconsciously and you smiled softly at him, maybe for the first time in hours genuinely.

“I guess.” you whispered, finding it easier than denying it. You wanted to be strong but you just couldn’t.

“(Y/n)” he sighed, giving you a look “You almost got killed again. Fighting back that woman despite all she’s done to you took some real strength, and I don’t mean just physical. You don’t have to be strong, (Y/n). You can let it out, you have to.”

“It’s-” you bit your lip as you looked down at your arm, tears welling up in your eyes.

“I won’t judge you. I swear. Honestly I am the last person that could judge you. I’ve dealt with monsters like her my entire life, nobody and especially me doesn’t expect you to have this kind of strength in you. Not when you haven’t faced true evil before her.” he said with a deep frown, his honest eyes boring into yours as he now cupped your cheek.

“She- she said some things that I-” you almost choked on a sob so you pressed your lips tightly to keep yourself from crumbling in pieces in front of him.

“She’s lying, that’s what she does (Y/n).” he took hold of your other hand and gave it a squeeze “But even if she isn’t- it doesn’t matter, ok? You have to let it go, at least for now. She only wants to get in your mind, that’s how she does it. And in this state it’s only going to break you worse.”

“I- I wish I could.” you whispered, looking down at your hands, biting hard on your lip so that you could draw some blood.

“I know, (Y/n/n). Trust me, I know. But you have to, for tonight at least. And tomorrow we’ll deal with this… together, yeah? Together.” he held your hand firmly in his, making you look up at him.

You gave him a weak smile and nod “I really need this. I need this, I just can’t. I can’t go back to my house or- or work for some time.” your lower lip trembled.

“I completely understand. You can stay here for as long as you want, (Y/n). There is no questioning that. I just… I need to make sure you are alright and right now you-” he stopped himself, reluctantly letting go of our hand and face.

“I’m not. I know.” your voice was a weak whisper.

He let a small sigh, running his fingers through his hair as he licked his lips “Look, I know this is hard for you but keeping it all in is making things worse. And you know it (Y/n).” he whispered the last part, locking eyes with yours.

“It’s all-” you frowned, looking at your hands “Awful” you choked out, looking back at him with glossy red eyes.

“Oh (Y/n).” he frowned deeply, not thinking a second before wrapping his arms around you and being unable to hold your emotions in, you broke down. You clenched the fabric of his flannel in your fists as you buried your face in his chest, your body shaking with sobs as you let the tears flow. You whimpered softly, for what reason you didn’t know anymore, but let the tears run down your cheeks and make his shirt wet. He didn’t protest not for a second and only tightening his hold on you, making you shift so that you were sitting curled on his lap. He ran his fingers through your hair, his head resting on top of yours without saying a single word. His other hand was running up and down your back, trying to soothe you down as he whispered over and over again in your ear that it was ok.

“I’m- I’m sorry.” you hiccupped, pulling slightly away as you finally realized the state you were in. But before you could move away from him he tightened his hold on and shook his head with pursed lips.

“Don’t. Just don’t.” he cupped your face, looking you in the eyes “You’re the last one that should apologize for a single thing, (Y/n).” he said more softly this time, leaning in to press his lips to your forehead in a soft kiss. You closed your eyes and let out a shaky sigh.

“I’m- I’m just being a burden to you.” you whispered, sniffling as you looked down.

“What the hell are you even talking about?!” his eyes widened before a frown set on his face “(Y/n) don’t you ever fucking say that again. You did the right thing to come here tonight, and I sure as hell am not letting you go back to your place again.”

“I don’t want to bother you I just- you were the first person I could think of when in the car.” you whispered almost shyly as you looked away from his eyes.

“And I am most honored about that, believe me. _More than you can understand._” he gave you a soft smile “Come on, how about I make something for you to eat hm? What are you in the mood for, tonight?”

“I- I’m not hungry, I’m sorry. I just, all I need at the moment is to sleep but I-” you cut yourself off, not wanting to say you were scared of the nightmares that could come. You already felt bad for putting him into the trouble of taking care of you to begin with, you didn’t want to trouble him with your worries and fears like a pathetic little girl.

“It’s alright to be scared, (Y/n). Trust me, I’ve seen so much in this life and still feel shaken after every case I finish. Nightmares are just…” he sighed trailing off “Nobody can easily fight those off.”

You didn’t say a thing, you only leaned on his side and rested your head on his shoulder. Much to your surprise he didn’t stiffen, he only seemed to relax and hold you in his arms firmly yet gently. You still couldnt’ understand how he could do it.

“Alright-” he said in a whisper, breaking the silence “If you can’t eat now, and I understand that, how about you just take a shower and I’ll bring you some of my clothes. You’ll sleep in my room, the bed is much softer there.” he suggested with a soft smile.

“I- I don’t want to have to make you sleep out of your bed, though.” you whispered, not thinking to say no to his clothes when you literally wanted to crawl out of yours and never see them at the moment.

“It’s no big deal, (Y/n). I’ve dealt with much worse in my life.” he said it so casually but at the same time there was a bitter tone in it that made your heart ache for him “Doesn’t matter. Say- If you want to, I can sleep there too but I must warn you I am a big cuddler.” he added with a soft chuckle that made your lips lift into a small smile.

“It’s the least I can take for making you put up with me.” you said with a soft shrug.

“Don’t say it that way, (Y/n). I am not putting up with you, I want you here.” he kissed your temple and you closed your eyes for a moment “Come on, I’ll show you the bathroom. There is plenty of warm water already since I didn’t have time to take one before you came.” he said and you slowly swang your feet off of him.

“You can take all the time you need though, I’ll leave the clothes there for you along with some clean towels.” he helped you get up, your legs shaking slightly.

“You just have been dying to see me in your clothes and bed, huh Winchester?” you raised an eyebrow, appreciating the deep chuckle that left his lips. It brought a sense of comfort and managed to make you feel more light-hearted.

“I’ll admit- guilty.” he grinned at you, almost shyly before wrapping his arms more firmly around your shoulders.

“Thank you.” you whispered, the small smile you had on leaving as well “For everything.” you looked up at him before wrapping your arms around him in a final tight hug.

“Don’t mention it.” he whispered, his face buried in your hair. Almost not wanting to let go of you.

~The following morning~

You didn’t know what it was that woke you up. You thought it was partially from the sun that shone over your eyes, peaking through the curtains in just the right ways to get you out of your sleep. You also thought it was partially from the warm body pressed tightly against yours that was such a strange feeling, being on your own for so long and all.

But you weren’t going to complain, not in the least bit. You needed someone next to you after such an encounter, you couldn’t afford to spend the night on your own in such a big bed and room. It would make you feel more cold than you were on the inside.You smiled in your sleep as he snuggled closer to you, his arm around your waist tightening its hold on you and his face buried on your neck from behind. You felt that your legs were tangled and your smile got bigger at realizing how much of a cuddler he was indeed. You took a deep content breath, glad to not feel your heart beat in fear and shock after seeing her again.

But as your eyes slowly opened and they managed to adjust to the light you realized that the reason that was mostly responsible for your waking up was something else. The door of the bedroom cracked open and blinking you looked at the direction the sound came from.

Your body stiffened and your eyes widened slightly as you whispered the only thing you could “_Dean?_”


	6. Chapter 6

“Dean?” you whispered, a frown settling on your face soon afterwards.

“What the-” he blinked several times, looking between you and his brother before realization flashed through his eyes and his fists clenched along with his jaw. His eyes hardened as he looked at you but you kept frowning as you couldn’t now realize what he thought of the situation.

“Sam” you said softly, nudging your friend and trying to push him slightly away. But it really did feel like having to wake up a moose like him was going to take so much more than a small push.

“Sammy” you said softly again. You managed to wiggle a little bit out of his grasp and rest your back against the headboard as you shook his shoulder. Sam didn’t seem to have any of it, only cuddled more with you and letting a small sigh you sneaked a glance at the clearly pissed off man on the doorway. You couldn’t exactly understand his reasons. Finding you in bed with his little brother was one thing, sure, but you had known Sam for very long and been great friends with him. On top of that, Dean was not your boyfriend or anything so what right did he even have to be this mad at you?

“Damn it, Sam. Wake up.” you hissed although you couldn’t blame him. You knew he had stayed up till very late at night, watching over you to make sure no nightmares would disturb you. You thought you had seen a dream when once or twice had opened your eyes to see him awake but you realize you didn’t. You doubted he’d had more than three hours of sleep so far.

He let a small groan and moan of protest. You almost felt bad about him, you still couldn’t help but blame yourself for all of this, and instead of shaking him you tucked a few strands out of his face. His eyes fluttered under your touch but he didn’t proceed to open them until-

“Sam!” Dean’s voice roared and it made both you and Dean jumped. You had never heard or seen him this angry – and possibly jealous? - before, but here he was. However, it got Sam to open his eyes, his hand that were around your waist went to his eyes as he rubbed the sleep out of them.

“Wh-what?” he asked groggily, slowly getting up, as with a sigh you started moving away from him.

“D?” Sam asked sleepily, smoothing his hair as he got up “What are you doin’ here?” he asked with a small yawn as you ran your hands down your face. You lifted the blanket off of you and turned so that your feet could touch the floor. You didn’t get up, though, only stood there looking at the ground.

You didn’t hear say a thing and as you looked at him for a moment you could see him glaring at his brother harder than you had ever seen him before. You kept on a stoic expression, showing just how numb you felt after everything that had happened. You almost made it look as if him walking in on you and Sam – even if nothing ever happened or would happen – didn’t mean a thing to you, it looked as if it didn’t matter and as if it hadn’t even happened. As if he wasn’t there for you. He snarled at his brother just as Sam spoke “Dean?”

“You and me.” he growled at Sam and you narrowed your eyes at him as you frowned deeply “Living room.” he looked at you, hell almost glared but not as hard as it was when he looked at his brother “_**Now**_” he sounded almost like an angry animal, voice rough and dangerously low, and your eyes did widen when he turned around and slammed the door behind him, making you jump.

“What…” you breathed out, blinking before you looked back at Sam “What was that?” you whispered as he shook his head with a heavy sigh.

He ran his hands through his hair before getting up “I forgot to call him and tell him what happened. Shit, he’s gonna pissed.”

“He already is.” you sighed, your fingers running subconsciously over the bandages on your arm.

“Yeah, well wait till he finds out you got hurt and I didn’t inform him.” he shook his head “We’re gonna have to look into that soon, alright?” he looked at you as you bit your lip.

“Yeah, Sammy don’t worry about it.” you gave him a sweet but almost forced smile.

“Just take some rest, small. I- I better get going, the more I make him wait the more angry he’ll get.” he smoothed his hair with both his hands.

“And why is he here?” you asked almost having ignored what he said, your voice more serious and the look on your face harder as you spoke about the older Winchester.

Sam raised an eyebrow at your reaction but decided to shake his head “Don’t know, honestly. I’ll ask him, you can-”

“I’ll stay here.” you cut him off before he could say anything else. He gave you a look but decided to shake his head.

“Alright, if you want to.” he gave you a tight smile, not wanting to question why you acted so cold at the mere mention of his brother’s name.

“Are you hungry? Because Dean won’t let me hear the end of it, so I am not going to be sleeping anytime soon.” he told as he walked towards you, holding the back of your neck before leaning down to kiss your forehead as you nodded at his words “I’ll make some breakfast, sounds good?”

“Sounds amazing.” you whispered, giving him a weak nod.

“Alright, I’ll…” he trailed off, letting go of you and exiting the room, closing it softly behind him. You didn’t even care to listen to what they could be saying, although at some point you could hear Dean’s voice raise dangerously so.

~In the meanwhile~

“No, I am not going to calm the fuck down.” Dean growled, eyes fiercely glaring at his little brother “And you better give me a damn good excuse as to why I saw that!” his voice rose again as he pointed upstairs.

“Gosh, Dean.” Sam sighed, rolling his eyes “How many times do I have to tell you nothing happened between us?! (Y/n) and I are _friends!_” he emphasized.

“You sure? ‘Cause it seemed far from that to me. You were getting really cozy right there, huh Sammy?” Dean scoffed, full sarcasm and venom lacing his voice.

“For the love of, Dean! Enough alright?” Sam shook his head in frustration “You ask me to tell you why she was there but you keep acting like a stubborn five-year-old, interrupting me all the time because he can’t fucking contain his jealousy.”

Dean growled, but instead of denying he was being irrationally because of his jealousy he glared at his brother harder than before “I am acting like a freaking five-year-old because just ten minutes ago I walked in on my brother in his bed, sleeping with the girl that-” he cut himself off, running a frustrated hand down his face.

“Dean, please.” Sam almost felt bad at the moment, even if knew none of Dean’s fears were true he couldn’t help but want his brother to realize how much he really meant to you “That’s not what it looked like.” he added with a sigh and Dean let out a humorless laugh that made him cringe.

“Not what it looks like? Really? You’re going to tell me that?!” his voice went from sarcastic to straightforward angry “She’s wearing your fucking clothes! She’s wearing _your_ flannel, Sam!” he roared “Sleeping in your bed, with you all over her and you’re gonna tell me it’s not what it looks like?!”

“She came to me, Dean what was I supposed to do?!” Sam shrugged, but tried to keep his voice low. The moment the words left his lips though he regretted everything because Dean’s eyes widened and before the younger Winchester could say anything more he had grabbed him by his shirt and slammed him on the wall, glaring hard up at him in a way it made Sam’s skin crawl. Mostly because he remembered this look on him a long time before, before all of this Amara-drama hit the fan.

“You knew how I feel about her.” his voice was low and dangerous, trying to hide mostly how hurt he was but Sam could see it in his brother’s eyes “You _knew_. You knew how I-” he stopped himself, pursing his lips as he looked at his brothers with all kinds of emotions flashing through his eyes.

“No, Dean. No!” Sam said a little breathlessly “She- I didn’t mean it like that, gosh no. (Y/n) just- just needed my help. Please, just try to hear me out.” he tried to swallow the lump in his throat but failed as he saw Dean look harshly at him. Dean let go fo Sam a little too rough but the younger man didn’t question it, if anything it made him smile just slightly as Dean continued pacing around angrily.

“Didn’t know you took this so seriously.” the words left Sam’s lips before he could stop them. But how could he? He had never seen his brother act this way for another woman and he would probably never say it out loud, not yet anyway, but Sam knew it was deep.

Dean’s head snapped in Sam’s direction as he gave his brother a cold glare and Sam quickly raised his hands “Sorry” he said softly and Dean let out an angry huff.

“Speak” he said in a rough voice, fists on the kitchen table as he prefered to stare down at his tie than his brother.

“She- she came here because she needed my help. She couldn’t go back home and that’s why she slept here. But that’s all.” Sam said as fast as he could, trying to explain everything.

“Still don’t understand why the hell would she sleep in your bed with you _while_ wearing your clothes?” Dean said through gritted teeth.

“It’s because she had no other choice, Dean. I swear, nothing happened. Nor will ever happen. Come on, man. I’m your brother, I know that she means a lot to you and that you-” he sighed when Dean gave him a warning look to now say the word “Care about her. A lot. An awful lot. Seriously Dean, I would never do such a thing knowing your feelings for her. It’s just- It was- what happened- she couldn’t-” Sam stuttered, not knowing what was the best way to bring it to his brother.

“If she needed help so bad she could have called me! _Me_, Sam! I asked her to.” Dean’s voice rose dangerously so “I told her I would be there for her any moment she asked me to!”

“But this time she couldn’t, Dean. She wanted to, I know she did.” Sam let a soft sigh, seeing that his brother had started believing him but still was hurt you chose to go to Sam before him – not to mention that he still had no idea when Sam knew everything – and Sam could definitely understand him “She called out your name in her sleep.” he said much more softly.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up and he slowly raised his head to look at his brother, but didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to.

“I don’t know _why_ she didn’t call you, that she can only tell you but I know that she wanted to. She wanted you to bethere, maybe more than me.” he breathed out a soft laugh “She called out your name in her sleep. It was adorable to behonest.” he laughed lightly “I’ll admit to be jealous of that but only in a good way. I am mostly really happy about the two of you, to be honest.”

“Sam” Dean’s face held no smile, although he’d really want to “What happened?” he asked in a low voice and Sam sighedin defeat.

“I don’t know if I- I can tell or she should do so.” Sam mumbled but Dean only clenched his jaw.

“(Y/n)’s under my protection, Sam. I swore I wasn’t going to anything happen to here as long as I am alive, tell me.” his eyes held no longer the previous anger and jealousy but mostly worry and fear.

Sam run his fingers through his hair, pursing his lips for a moment “It was Amara, Dean.” he breathed out, his own voice rough “She went after (Y/n) after her shift ended. (Y/n) was gonna go home and she- she was waiting for her there.”

Dean’s shoulders fell but his back straightened. His lips parted as his heart practically leapt to his throat “Son of a bitch.” he said in a grave voice.

“Ye-yeah” Sam whispered “And (Y/n)- she tried to fight her off but, well, she got hurt real bad. Amara shot her in the arm. She was bleeding very much and she came here because she couldn’t return home nor could go to a hospital, so I stitched her up. She was on the point of breaking down, Dean. It was… terrible.” he knew that he should chose his words more carefully, because he knew how his brother would react, but he had to be honest at the same time.

Sam watched his brother carefully, waiting for a reaction. He saw his expression turn from worried, to slightly scared to that of pure rage as he knocked off a few things from the table, managing to break them. But Sam continued anyway “She was in pain, so much pain. Both emotional and physical. I gave her pain killers, I saw her drink some whiskey too but she just looked so exhausted, so worn out it scared me to see her like that. And on top of that she- She couldn’t stop crying, Dean. In her sleep everything just got worse and I don’t know if she remembers any of the nightmares but- but she was shaking from the sobs, uncontrollably so.”

“Damn it, Sam. Damn it.” Dean gritted his teeth, running a hand down his face.

“I’m- I’m sorry I didn’t call you at first, Dean.” Sam sighed, looking down for a second “I just- I forgot all about it when I saw her all- trembling, barely hanging onto Liz for support in a way it showed how she fought to keep herself from passing out. She could barely utter a word, she was in pai and so bloody- her clothes were stained from-”

“Enough.” Dean growled, eyes shut tightly as he held onto a chair for support; his cnuckles having turned white “Enough, Sam.” his voice cracked in the end and Sam felt even worse for not letting him know a thing, even if he had simply forgotten.

“I really- I know how it for you to hear this, Dean. I really do.” he sighed “But you have to know that (Y/n) fought back. She really did put up a fight. When Liz found her she had managed to knock her gun out and actually catch and point it at her before she could do anything else. She didn’t just accept her fate and for that… you really are the one to thank for.”

“Yeah, as if that’s fucking supposed to make things easier.” Dean growled, shaking his head “Amara went after her, Sam! And this time she got real close to finally getting her and what the hell was I doing? I wasn’t there to protect her! I wasn’t even fucking there for her to come to. I was stuck in a freaking office working on some stupid different case!”

“Dean” Sam sighed “You could have still not been able to do something about it. Even if (Y/n) got the chance to call you, you’d have to drive all the way to the restaurant and not get there in time at that. It’s _not_ your fault.”

“The hell it is, Sam!” Dean roared “I should be there to pick her up from work but I let myself get distracted and she had to leave all on her own!”

“Dean, she’s a grown woman. I don’t think she expected you to pick her up in the first place, much let you do so if you insisted.” he shook his head “Just listen, don’t beat yourself up for this. You have to stay focused on this, Amara got dangerously close this time and we both have to be very careful from now. I know that you think (Y/n) got hurt because of you but this… it’s the last thing we can afford to think of right now.”

“It fucking is.” Dean growled, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

Sam knew that no matter what he said, his brother was not going to forgive himself that you got hurt. If anything, he probably felt like he was the one to pull the trigger at you and he knew that that very thought was going to hunt him in his dreams. Just the fact that he could have been there to prevent all of it, to prevent you getting hurt and to prevent all the emotional pain, and in the end wasn’t hurt him more than it would have if it was any other case. To Dean, and of course to Sam, helping you with all of this was not them doing their job, it was them protecting someone they cared for. But Sam had long ago realized that for Dean this had become so much more personal than it should, considering that it was Amara they were dealing with.

If anything worse happened to you - Sam couldn’t even think of the word death at this point - he knew Dean would lose it all over again, and so much worse than any time before.

“Dean” Sam started, watching his brother mutter things to himself with his eyes fixed on the floor almost glaring at nothing in particular. He was furious, maybe more than before, but now it was all with himself. He was beating himself up for it and it was so much obvious.

Sam wanted to speak again, to stop him from doing this to himself but Dean’s pacing was cut short when he let a low “Damn it.” and turned around, storming upstairs.

The younger Winchester didn’t try to stop him, he knew the two of you needed this time together and not just from Dean’s side but also yours. He was worried, Sam could clearly understand that, and he wanted to make sure you were alright himself. So Sam let him be, hoping that maybe you’d tell the older Winchester more about your feelings and finally let it all out. With a last shake of his head the taller man decided to focus on making something for you to eat.

~*~

Dean stood outside the door hesitating to knock. You didn’t understand why exactly, although you weren’t really ready to face him just yet. You’d heard him come upstairs, of course, considering how heavy his pacing seemed though you didn’t know what to tell him per say. You shook your head and with a sigh made your way to the door, opening it right in his face.

He was stunned for a moment, his eyes widening before roaming all over your body. You decided not let any kid of emotion show on your face as you spoke “Yes?” it sounded a little more harsh and cold than you planned and you winced on the inside.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up for a moment and he cleared his throat, feeling awkward as if he had been caught on act. You couldn’t see it but he still felt bothered by seeing you in his brother’s place like this, not to mention seeking refuge in his arms but not Dean’s. He wasn’t selfish, or at least he tried not to be because he knew how good friends you and Sam were, but it bothered him when he had asked you to call for him in case a single thing happened. He wanted to be your shelter during such times but… last night he wasn’t.The mere thought made him feel as if he had been stabbed to the chest.

“I-” he started, shaking his head to try and gather his thoughts because there were more important things to think of “How are you?” he ended up whispering in a rough voice.

You let a small sigh, looking down at your bare feet “Alright, I guess.” you mumbled.

You almost jumped when you felt his fingers brush past your arm and your wide eyes locked with his instantly “I just-” he started “I need to take a look.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to.” you wanted to retreat from him, take a step back hopefully have the courage to close the door right in his face but you couldn’t. You were too frozen as when you looked back at him Amara’s words would echo in your mind.

“Come on, (Y/n). Just a look.” he said with a frown, getting closer.

“It’s alright, Dean.” the way you said his name wasn’t the heartwarming way you usually would “Sam took care of it, don’t worry.”

Dean clenched his jaw but tried to fight the feeling off “(Y/n).” he said your name more firmly, catching your attention “Please” you had never asked him say this word and in such a way and despite everything you gave in and let him take hold of your hand. Goosebumps formed all over your skin as his fingers ran over your skin but you tried to bottle it all up.

He checked on your arm, slightly pulling the bandages away to look at your wound and you tried so hard not to get carried away by his proximity. He let a small sigh once he had examined it properly before starting to check you out for any other wounds. You cleared your throat after a few touches and pulled away from him as he let his hands drop. He frowned at you, almost looking hurt for a moment, before clenching his jaw.

“(Y/n)” his voice was rough “What happened with Amara?”

The mere mention of her name from him made your body stiffen “Why don’t you ask her?” you probably sounded like a jealous girlfriend but you didn’t care.

“…Come again?” he blinked and you pursed your lips, shrugging casually.

“You heard me.” you licked your lips, staring dead into his eyes “Last I hear, you two are best buddies so I’m sure if you ask her, all it will take is a charming smile, and she’ll tell you everything. I bet she wouldn’t say no to your pretty eyes, after all. I mean she did tell me plenty of things and it wasn’t that hard.”

“What are you talking about?”his voice was significantly deeper and you saw him clench his fists.

“Oh and by all means, I’m sorry if I’ve offended your girlfriend. Kinda hard to be nice to her when she’s tried killing me on so many occasions.” you gave him a tight sarcastic smile but he didn’t seem to really appreciate it, and he shouldn’t.

“What are you talking about?” he almost growled this time and your smile fluttered altogether.

“Don’t you know detective?” you crossed your arms over your chest “I’ll tell you then. See this time, I must have made her a little bit jealous cause she decided to let out on a couple more details than last time that helped me see clear. Details about you, detective Winchester.”

“(Y/n), what did she-”

“How much of a great kisser you are for example!”you said bitterly, cutting him off.

“What?” he breathed out in shock but also a hint of realization laced his features.

“You’re not denying it, yet, I guess that’s good hm? Being honest with me for at least once.” you nodded your head with a bitter smile “It was about time, wasn’t it detective? I must admit you were pretty good at it, lying directly to my face about how much you wanted to get this criminal, to save me and protect me, to help me when in reality you were always helping only one person. Her. I mean-” you laughed bitterly “I almost believed you, I did believe you, and I put all of my faith in you. I put everything I had in you but I guess… your eyes were a little too pretty that I got carried away I guess.”

“(Y/n), I-” he took a step forward, extending a hand towards you, but when you took one back he froze in his place, a heartbroken look forming on his face. He clenched his jaw, nodding his head as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Alright.” he looked down “I don’t know what she told you but it’s all-”

“What? A lie? Are you going to insist on that now, Dean? And I should believe you because she’s the bad guy and you’re the detective, isn’t that what you are going to ask of me now? Because she’s a stranger and you are not?” you scoffed, shaking your head “You were a stranger to me at first too, Dean. But I put all of my faith in you because I needed someone to help me. Guess I needed to realize the hard way that the only person that can help me is myself.”

“Listen to me here, I don’t know what the hell she told you, but I’d be fucking damned if I ever allowed myself to let anything happen to you.” he growled, green eyes fierce like a fire, as he pointed a finger at you “Don’t you ever think that there is anything, _anything_ in this damn world that I’d put before saving you! Hell, even my own life, much less that bitch.”

“And you still… are not denying it.” you breathed out bitterly, nodding your head “Do you know why I trusted you Dean? Do you know why I let myself believe all of this? Because I needed to! Because I- I felt so alone that having someone closemade even dying worth it!”

“(Y/n)” he shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I came to you because I trusted you. I said this is Sam’s brother, the brother he looks up to _so_ much, the brother he admires more than anyone and the brother he trusts with his life. There is nobody else I can trust my life with other than Dean Winchester. There is nobody else that can help me with this case better than him. I knew I should trust you. And I did- I _almost_ did.”

“Don’t say that.” he growled but he wasn’t angry with you, more like hurt by your words “I may have… kept the wholetruth from you but I never, not one single time did I lie to you about-” he stopped himself, his throat feeling tight as if he couldn’t speak or breathe.

“About what?” you challenged him “You say you were honest about one thing but can’t tell me what that is? How do you expect m to have even a little faith in you? How do you expect me to not believe her even in the least bit when you hesitate to say this? How do you expect me to-”

“My _feelings_ for you!” he couldn’t keep himself from raising his voice, surprising the both of you and not just from his outburst but more of what he said for you “I never lied to you about how I felt for you.” he said firmly, taking a deepbreath as his chest puffed out “I know I kept some parts hidden for your own good but I was always honest about my feelings and my intentions. I am doing everything I can to keep you safe from her and there is no way I would ever want to help her do any more harm to you!”

If you could be honest with yourself you couldn’t think straight from how fast your heart was beating. It wasn’t really a confession, but your own feelings for the man made you weak, and hearing him say this just made you want to give in back again. But the doubt in your heart had set deep and as much as you wanted to fight you, you simply couldn’t.

“I know that but-”

“But you still chose to believe her.” he growled “The one that actually tried to kill you. Why? Just why?!”

“_Because I’m too emotionally hurt, maybe a little jealous, but mostly feel so unworthy of you.”_

“I haven’t yet, but until I find out the whole truth, and of course I can’t ask you, I think I’d much rather… take some time on my own.” you sighed and he frowned deeply.

“What do you mean?”

“I-” you locked your eyes with his “I appreciate what you did, or at least what I believe you did, for my protection detective but I won’t be needing your help from now on. Whether you are innocent or not, which you confessed to not be, I… can’t trust you anymore.” the words hurt you just as much as him, and it was obvious on his face “I can’t trust you for my protection or to-” you blinked the tears from your eyes “To even be close to me, again.”

“Wh-what?”

“I know you might say this is her way to get what she wants, to get me alone, make me weak but- it is the only way I know how to be able to fight her. And apparently I need to fight her alone, after all-” you shrugged numbly “It seems that I’ve been alone all along.”

“(Y/n), please don’t-”

“I would please ask you to… never contact me again, Mr Winchester.” you breathed out, despite everything “I的t was, I guess, nice meeting you. And don’t worry, I won’t come looking for you.”

“No, (Y/n)-”

“Goodbye.” and you closed the door before he had the chance to say another word.


	7. Chapter 7

~Two weeks later~

“I’ll have a big warm mug with coffee, black, today’s special breakfast and a stunning smile to start my day on a high note.” the voice behind you said and without even having to turn to face the new customer, you let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m afraid-” you filled the mug and turned to place it in front of the familiar face “We’ve kind of run out on the last one.” you didn’t even try to give him a tight smile, knowing it would be in vain to even try with him.

The man gave you a worried look before letting out a heavy sigh, looking down at his drink “Seems like you’re all kind of short of it these days after all. No wonder, breakups aren’t always easy to deal with when-”

“Sam” you cut him off, giving him a stern look “I’m not in the mood, and if you’re here to talk about-” you couldn’t even say his name.

“I am, yes.” he nodded his head with a clenched jaw “And I know that you’re not in the mood, as you say, but I am going to insist because you two are acting like kids with each other in a situation of life and death.”

“I’ll tell Nat to bring you your breakfast, it was nice seeing you Sam. Sorry I can’t talk much, I’m really busy.” you mumbled, reading to turn around and leave but he caught hold of your arm.

“No, no you’re not.” he stated firmly “But you avoid the topic of Dean Winchester worst than the plague itself because you are scared to admit to yourself you clearly _miss _him!” his voice rose dangerously so and your eyes widened when you got a couple stares from customers.

“Sam, please.” you said in a hushed voice “I work here, if my boss hears you-”

“Take a break. Just five minutes, hear me out and then you go back to being a stubborn five-year-old just like him.” he shrugged and you huffed, running a hand down your face.

“I’m not being stubborn, I’m just doing everything I can to… to protect myself Sam.” you confessed in a whisper and he gave you a sympathetic smile.

“From possible death or heartbreak?” he asked with a knowing look on his face and chewing on your lower lip you looked down at your hands.

“Sometimes a certain heartbreak is worse than any possible death, and I’d much rather not take any risks. I’ve suffered enough, I can’t go through that again. I- I would be able to take paranoia more than… that.” you sighed in defeat.

“Pushing Dean away is not sparing you the certain heartbreak, though, (Y/n) that’s what you don’t see! It’s making your _death_ certain, because Amara may have gone silent again but when she comes back, and she will, she is not going to show any mercy on you (Y/n). Without Dean around to protect you, me having no time to check up on you as often as I want, and you living all on your own-” he shook his head, rubbing his temple “This is not going to end well, you have to believe me. She’s set on getting what she wants and she’s dangerous.”

“I can defend myself, Sam. Plus, I’d much rather take a couple more wounds and the constant fear instead of lies from a man that-”

“He didn’t lie to you!” he cut you off “Dean, didn’t lie to you about a single thing, not once. He… kept parts of the truth from you, for your own good you have to understand that! The whole Amara thing, it’s something far bigger, we have numerous countries involved in this and he merely hid parts of the truth to protect you!”

“Parts of truth you apparently know very well, right Sammy?” you frowned, crossing your arms over your chest and his eyebrows rose in slight surprise “And of course you didn’t bother mentioning a thing to me, let me guess, for my own safety _even_ if a crazy ass woman wants to rip my throat open! Yeah, and you know the best part? It’s cause she too is doing it for my own good, she wants to put me out of my mystery!”

“Look-” he shook his head “I’m not the point here, and you can stay mad at me for as long as you want but I am here to talk about you and Dean, and that’s what I will do.”

“Just spare me, Sam, I know he doesn’t give a crap! Not really.” the words hurt you more than they should “It doesn’t matter what happens to me, it doesn’t matter-”

“The hell it does (Y/n)! What did she even tell you to make you change your mind in this way?!”

“It wasn’t what she said, not just that at least. It was all the threats Sam, it was the fear, it was the constant need for safety that I couldn’t find even in my own house that made me realize everything! That’s what you don’t get, I can’t trust him anymore! I can’t-” you almost choked on a sob “No matter what this whole truth may be, no matter what it is you’re hiding, it still is the fact that not even Dean is completely honest with me that makes me doubt everything! Even… the fact that he wants to protect me, I doubt that too. I don’t feel safe anymore with him, Sammy, and as that I… can’t feel safe with anyone at all.”

A moment of silence followed as Sam stared at you as you wrapped your arms around yourself and stared down at the floor “He’s a wreck as well.” he whispered in the end, and you slowly raised your head.

“He’s… barely talking.” he shrugged “And when he does, it usually is to snap at any of the officers for not doing thing they way he asked them to even if… they actually did.” he smiled bitterly “I try to ask him if he’s alright, Cas had tried numerous times, but he’s just insisting he’s fine and going on with what he was doing. He barely eats, barely talks, shaves or takes care of himself but only drinks and works.”

“I… I don’t understand, why are you telling me this? I haven’t talked to him for days.” you cleared your throat, looking away from him.

“And that’s exactly my point. He hasn’t cracked a single smile in a week (Y/n). He’s just being a grumpy old man, more so than usual, and if you think that he’s been working himself to death then you’re probably both right and wrong.” he sighed, looking down at his hands “He hasn’t taken up a single case, and trust me there have been a lot coming, but he’s just been digging up everything he could on your case. Even if it’s the same stuff, he’s just scratching and searchingeverything he can to find a lead on Amara and when he comes up with nothing-”

“What? He takes it out on the entire police station?” you mumbled, the guilt crawling up your chest even if you did your best to fight it.

“No, he takes it out on himself.” but boy did Sam words feel like a stab to the heart “Look, I know you have your own problems to deal with here and they certainly are bigger. But I want you to understand that your choice to push him away is having an impact on him as well… other than you. And don’t try to deny that cause I’ve seen the way you react every time someone mentions him.”

“I don’t-” you stopped yourself, shaking your head “It doesn’t matter, Sam. I only have to get over this and I will be fine, I already am doing better! And Amara, she hasn’t bothered me yet nor will again… maybe.But Dean will be fine, I know, and I’m doing ok for most part so why does it even matter?”

“Yeah, even though you already miss him like crazy?” he raised an eyebrow and blinked you tried to deny it.

“I- I don’t-”

“(Y/n), please just don’t. Don’t lie to me, I know you and I certainly know my brother. And all these texts and messages you’ve been ignoring-” he stopped to smile when he saw your eyes widen, he just shrugged “I worry and if he doesn’t want to tell me a thing then his phone will. Either way, all these texts clearly show that he hasn’t stopped thinking about you and what you told him for a second so I need you to take a moment and actually listen to him as well.”

“But we both know he’s not going to tell me the truth, is he?” you asked bitterly and he sighed.

“I’m afraid not, but at the same time it’s best if you don’t know at all. It’s a kind of truth that-”

“Proves his connection to her?” you raised an eyebrow and he clenched his jaw, not looking you in the eyes and giving you the confirmation you needed.

“Look, I just want you to give him a chance to explain himself and believe him, (Y/n), him and not a- a stranger that wants to harm you. He wants what’s best for you, he cares, we both do, but for Dean it’s-” he smiled slightly “It’s something much more that you’ll have to figure out over time together but right now, it’d be best if you just… let him in again.”

“Let him in. Right, but thing is-” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat, hating to say this as you looked right into Sam’s eyes “You were a stranger once too, right Sam? And I trusted you immediately, believed everything, but you too kept secrets from me. So why should I listen now?”

You hated more than anything to say this to the man who had also stood by your side so many times, but to find out he too wouldn’t tell you everything made you doubt everything. Even if your heart begged to listen to him, to hug it out with him and God you wanted desperately to run to Dean and tell him everything was ok. But it sadly wasn’t.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“I mean that… I need time to clear my mind and make the right decisions. Please, Sammy don’t make me push you away too. If you want things to be as ok as it can get then… we won’t talk about it again, and above all… you are not going to talk to me about Dean _ever_ again.” you breathed out in determination that when you looked at Sam he didn’t have anything to say.

You sighed, nodding your head when his eyes casted down “I’ll go get your breakfast. Good seeing you Sam.” you muttered before disappearing.

The only thing the younger Winchester could do was sigh in frustration and glance outside the window, only to see a shadow disappear behind the cars which made him frown in suspicion.

~*~

“I don’t care if he’s with the freaking Queen of England, I said I want to talk to him and I will-”

“Let me put you on hold, sir.” the woman at the other end said in an obnoxiously calm voice that irritated the detective even more.

“Son of a bitch!” he roared, slamming the phone shut as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“He is a very busy man, it’s not easy to get a hold of him.” Cas said with a tight smile, if it could ever be called that, and taking a seat across from Dean.

“He’s an asshole, that’s what he is.” Dean grumbled “But I’m an idiot too for trying to contact a Holmes, much less Mycroft.”

“Well, Sherlock is not that bad to be around.” Castiel mumbled, nodding his head at the thought and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“You are honestly the only person on this planet that would say that, Cas.” he gave his friend a look and then sighed, still troubled “I wish I didn’t need their assistance this time but I’m fucking stuck.”

The blue-eyed man smiled sympathetically “You don’t have to beat yourself up for this, Dean. It is not your fault, none of the things she does is.”

“Yeah, like hell.” he scoffed “All I know is that I can’t control the situation or her or… even _me._ And therefore the woman I… _care_ about is in great danger, and I can’t do a fucking thing about it! Instead I’m just left to ask for help from others because I can’t even be close enough to save her!”

“But you didn’t want this, Dean.” Cas said with a frown and Dean scoffed a laugh “You didn’t chose this, even if things worked out the way they did, you’re still doing what’s best for her. And it is _all for her_.”

The green-eyed man ran a hand down his face, scratching his scruff “Yeah, for a woman that for all we know hates my guts right now.” he grumbled bitterly but Castiel smiled nonetheless.

“And somehow that seems to bother you more than the fact that we’re dealing with one of the most dangerous criminals out there.” it was a statement and not a question or estimation, because anyone and even more so Castiel could see it crystal clear on Dean’s face. He cared more about you than he could admit and you putting distance between you had hurt him in ways that probably he didn’t even know was possible.

Dean merely cleared his throat, looking down at his hands as he clenched his jaw “What do you want me to say, Cas?”

“I don’t want nor need you to say anything.” his friend sighed, giving him a half smile “It is rather obvious, and you’re not doing such a good job at hiding your feelings for her.”

Dean stared at him, giving him almost a bitch face, before looking away with a sigh “Thanks, Cas.”

“You’re welcome. But it is not my main worry. I know you will protect (Y/n) with your life and gain her trust back again. After all, you’ve been less troubled when working for the president himself, she will see how important she actually is to you, don’t worry. I mean, everybody else does already.” he shrugged and Dean threw his head back in frustration.

“Sam said I’ve been acting like a grumpy old man all this time and he’s not wrong. I can’t even count the people I’ve snapped at to begin with but I just am-”

“A grumpy old man, yes.” Cas nodded his head “Well, Sam is right. Have you tried calling her today?”

“Another thing I’ve lost count of.” he sighed, getting up from his seat “Called and texted numerous time but of course she won’t answer. She ignored every single attempt.” he clenched his jaw, pouring himself a glass of whiskey “So I gave up a couple days ago and didn’t get anywhere near her as she asked me to.” he said bitterly “Figures there was no need to bother her anymore when she clearly didn’t even want to hear my voice.”

“She needs her time, Dean, all women do about any topic.”

“Since when did you become an expert in women?” the detective raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly as he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Since the moment you fell head over heels in love with one and I have to deal with you not having the courage to even give her a sign and _now_ have to face that you screwed up, epically so, at doing even your job right because you can’t stop thinking about her and not the lack of evidence.” the man said as if it was the most simple thing in the world and Dean stood frozen in his place, glass just barely touching his lips.

He cleared his throat “Stop hanging out with Sherlock.” he mumbled, looking away when he felt the heat rush up his neck.

“It is not my fault you make it so obvious.” Castiel said, being ever-so-done with the situation “But we have more important matter at hand than this as I said. You need to focus Dean, I know it is hard because things are this way with (Y/n), but you’ll be able to solve out everything only when you’re done with this case. Her safety is important, I know you understand this as well, you need to protect her before-”

“Yeah, from whom though?” Dean scoffed, clenching his jaw.

“What do you mean?”

“You know damn well, Cas. You said it’s not on me that all of this is happening to her but we both know the whole truth here. How can I even help her, save her, when I couldn’t save myself? I-” he growled in frustration “I can’t put an end to this, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it, no matter how much I want it, no matter how much I try to do it, no matter what- I know it Cas, when the moment comes I- I won’t be able to do this. I _can’t_.”

“Dean, I know she- she’s messed up with you real bad. I know that when the time comes, though, you will be able to do the right thing, you’re a strong man Dean Winchester. You will do what’s right, you-”

“I tried killing her.” Dean cut his friend off “I did, Cas, I actually did the lat time I saw her. I never told anyone, Sam, you. I wasn’t going for putting her behind bars, Cas, I actually wanted to end this for good by ending her life but I-”

“It is a kind of bond that you couldn’t fight, I understand that.”

“Yeah, well uh-” he cleared his throat, downing the rest of his drink “It’s uh more than that.”

“Mor-” Castiel stopped himself with a frown, leaning forward as a pause followed “Attraction?” he whispered as his eyebrows shot up “Oh Dean” he breathed out, falling back in his seat as the green-eyed man rubbed his temple.

“I know. I know.” he said in a hoarse voice “But- it’s not the same way as (Y/n), that- that’s strong, that’s true I know that. I am _sure_ about that.” he emphasized each word, as if saying them out loud would lessen what his connection to her was.

“Alright, yes I understand that. But this _other_ thing you have for _her_, then do you think you can… fight it?”

“I don’t know, Cas, man I don’t know. But at the same time I don’t know if it’s my heart or my mind, if it’s really anything even in the least bit near what-”

“You feel for (Y/n).” Castiel nodded his head “Well, don’t worry Dean, we will figure it out and we will fight this. It is scary, yes, sometimes when I think what some people are capable of I get scared as well but you- You will be able to win this time, you’ll see.”

“I sure hope so.”

~*~

You threw your phone on the couch with a heavy sigh. You knew you were probably torturing yourself with how often you’d check on your messages but for a reason you knew all too well you couldn’t let go of him yet. Logic mixed with emotions and you could barely tell what was right and wrong. On one hand Dean has helped you all this time, protected you, and cared for you in a way that showed how you meant more to him than… a mere friend or a client would. But on the other what she had told you, what Dean had not denied, made doubts cloud your mind and question everything.

You’d trusted Dean from the first moment, for better or for worse, when Sam introduced you.

“_And this is Dean, whom I’ve told you so much about. He’s the best detective you could find.” those were the last words you remember from Sam because once you locked eyes with the older Winchester._

“_Well, Sammy keeps the best only to himself. Rude.” Dean had breathed out with a boyish grin “Dean Winchester.” he had extended his hand._

“_(Y/n) (Y/l/n), pleasure to meet you Dean.” the moment you had taken hold of his hands you knew you didn’t want to let go._

“_Oh trust me, pleasure is definitely all mine, sweetheart.” he had said so smoothly “And I promise I’m not going to arrest you.”_

“_Why would you want to arrest me?” you had asked with a giggle, completely missing how Sam’s eyes widened and he was trying to do his best and warn you from asking. But you just had._

“_For excessive speeding when you fell from heaven.” and he had given you that wink that sent your heart on overdrive._

_You had giggled and pretty sure ignored a loud groan from Sam and played along “I apologize, it was a one time thing. Won’t happen again.”_

“_It kind of just has, and I bet it’s not just the second time, with how fast you can steal hearts.” he just knew the right thing to say._

“_Well, you’re the one with the handcuffs! You know how to use them.” you had smirked back and that did make his smile wider._

“_Oh you bet I do, you’re just lucky being this beautiful is not a crime or else you’d be guilty as charged.”_

“_Really? And would you detective-”_

_But Sam had not let you even finish that sentence because he’d had enough already “Alright, guys! We’ve a case here and that’s not about how-” he had sent Dean a bitch face, completely done with him “Well, Dean can handle his gun.”_

“_Well, if I might say so-” he had started with a half smile as you giggled next to him but you both got serious when Sam gave you the stern mom look._

The doorbell ringing made you snap out of your trail of thoughts. Part of you, the hopeful one, wished it could be Dean. Even if you had asked him to stay away you still needed him close. But added to the fact that it was night, the paranoid part of you took over. Getting up from the couch you carefully made your way to the window next to the door, your one hand finding the curtain as the other took hold of the bat you kept nearby. You carefully peaked to see the person standing on the door – although you didn’t guess she’d be this kind to ring the doorbell, you never know – and what you saw made your eyes widen in disbelief.

You instantly reached for the doorhandle and swinging the door open you surprised both the person and probably even more yourself when you verified what you’d first saw. In total shock you breathed out “You”


	8. Chapter 8

“You” was the only word that left your lips as your heart hammered inside your chest. You doubted there would be another word coming out of your lips because your mind went completely blank at the familiar pair of eyes staring back at you.

“Hey” he gave you that half smile that would always make your heart skip a beat or two “I’m… guessing you really didn’t expect to see me here, right?”

“Wh-what-” you blinked, clearing your throat that suddenly felt really tight “What are you doing here?”

“I found your address and thought I could swing by now that I’m in town for a few days, and here I am.” he gave you an apologetic smile as if he had done something wrong and you only stared at him, blinking in surprise.

“You-” you breathed out a laugh, shaking your head softly “You were gone for so long, no mail, no message, text or call to the point I- I didn’t even know you if were alive!” your voice held no anger in it at the lack of contact but you couldn’t help a small hint of bitterness and sadness in the end.

“Yeah, uh about that-” he looked down almost in shame “We should probably talk.” he said in that gentle way he always used with you, his blue eyes laced with a hint of regret and a lot of guilt.

You laughed in disbelief, making him frown slightly “Chuck” you still held onto the fond memories you shared with him, so how could you even stay mad for long? Not to mention you needed answers.

“It is good to see you again.” you breathed out before taking a step forward and wrapping your arms around him. He breathed out a small chuckle before bring his arms to hug you tightly to himself just like the old times.

“You have no idea how good it is to actually see you.” he whispered, kissing your temple.

“I am taking it that you are not mad at me then?” he asked with a half smile and laughing you shook your head.

“Oh Shurley, I am pissed off as hell at you but-” you shrugged “I could never stay mad for too long at those pretty eyes of yours, come on in.” you breathed out and he grinned at you.

“I see you haven’t changed at all.” he said as you closed the door behind him “Nor has your style, I remember you always dreamed of a house like this.”

“Well, it is my own and far away from family drama so that’s what counts.” you smiled as he offered you a small box.

“Here, I thought flowers would really be appropriate but you were more of the practical type so I brought cupcakes instead.” he said and you grinned widely.

“Oh you know me so well!” you said and he grinned “Come on, just take a seat, get comfortable, I’ll get you something, yes? See if I remember your favorites well enough.”

“I’m sure you will.” he smiled tenderly “You always cared a lot more about the ones closest to you, maybe more so than yourself. It’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with you.”

You smiled at him, looking down for a second bitterly “Well, I guess that was my biggest flaw after all.” and with that you were gone for a couple minutes, leaving the former director of the FBI alone to stare in sorrow at his hands as he thought about all of his mistakes. _Mistakes that had lead to all of this._

~*~

“And just like that I finally got this house and found my own heaven, in the very end.” you sighed “I swear family can sometimes be both the best and worst thing that can happen to you.” you breathed out, taking a sip of your wine “Parents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts, grandparents and the second cousins, and… everything! It’s never ending. But I think someone up there had none of that, siblings especially, that’s why we’re doomed to have them.” you giggled and he gave you a half smile.

“Sometimes, family is all we have though. We don’t chose it but we try our best to deal with it and all of the problems that rise up, in… the least painful way for them.” he spoke in a a low voice tone, in a way you rarely got to hear from him. Usually around you he’d try to be more cheerful, smiling very often, joking when he could to make you smile and all around the most easy-going guy you’d met. But now there was something, other than his lower voice tone, in the way he spoke and stared down at his hands that made you frown.

“And sometimes when you’ve got such a adventurous life, living so close to danger, things must become really harder for you when you’ve got people you love. Sometimes-” you chewed on your lower lip “When you’ve got people you love the monsters see you as weaker, more vulnerable, and find the chance to get a blow at you.”

“And sometimes- the monsters turn out to be the people you love the most.” he shrugged numbly, looking back at you and only then you noticed how his blue eyes looked darker with a kind of feeling you couldn’t pinpoint.

“Yeah, well as long as others don’t get hurt because of us then… everything can be solved out, right?”

He held your gaze for a full minute before he let out a frustrated sigh and burying his face in his hands he spoke “God, I’m so sorry for all of this (Y/n). I’m so so deeply sorry, I didn’t-” he took in a shaky breath to look at you full of sorrow.

“I’m so sorry.” he choked out and you set your drink aside, scooting closer to him.

“Chuck, I- I told you I’m not mad about it. I understand you- you must have your reasons for wanting to leave, I couldn’t hold you back, I couldn’t love you the way you deserved and-”

“But that’s exactly the problem. You can’t see how you loved me more than I deserved, even if it wasn’t entirely the way I’d want to. You- you blame yourself for not falling in love with me the way I had fallen for you but- I am to blame for all of this. All of it and I-” he ran a hand down his face “I never wanted all of this to happen, I just want you to know that, I _need _you to know that.” he whispered.

“Chuck, look, I can’t say I’m not hurt. You did leave without giving me a proper explanation, and I always thought it was my fault but… as long as I know you were happy all this time – no matter how you found happiness – then that’s what matters to me. I’m not mad at you, in all honesty.” you shrugged, placing a hand on top of his.

His lips parted as if he was ready to say something but decided against it, shaking his head softly, before speaking again “When I left, I thought that it was the best moment. I was director of the FBI for so long, I’d seen and solved case after case on my own too. Worked and trained new detectives myself and I thought that even though crime would never stop – that’s how humanity is – there were people there that could handle things. I thought about it like a father, I knew my children could manage on their own and they would do even better on their own. They didn’t need someone to look after them, so I left, but I never really forgot. I wasn’t supposed to have favorites, to really love and care about some more than others, because that’s what gets you killed in this job.”

“But?” you whispered “Cause I’m sensing there is one.”

“But one of the things I couldn’t forget was bound to come and haunt me and just like I feared my entire life, in this line of work as you said, it took a blow at me by hurting what I let myself love most. In order to get me out on the field again and strike it used… my biggest weakness.” he admitted with a defeated sigh.

“I- I don’t understand, Chuck, what are you talking about?”

You saw his eyes darken even more as he stared at the wall right in front of him in anger, as if there was someone actually standing in front of him. But just as you were ready to press and question him any further, his phone rang.

“Sorry” he mumbled, fetching it from his pocket “Ah of course, detective Winchester.” no longer did he say the name than you caught yourself choking on the wine you had just taken back. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow but you just avoided looking at him.

“Something the matter?” he asked and you shook your head “Oh cause, I heard at the station you two are somewhat close? It wasn’t just the secretaries or officers that were talking about a few bumps in the road, though, of your love story.” he said a little too knowingly and then you realized just how much you hated how easily he could read you. It wasn’t just awkward that he was talking about you having feelings for another man but also because you were still trying to deny said feelings to yourself and the rest of the world.

“Detective Winchester _was _helping and trying to keep me safe, but now I’m doing very well on my own. And psycho or not, I can handle Amara on my own very well, I’ve done so before and I’ve got the battle scars to prove that.” you shrugged but missed the way he frowned in deep worry and almost winced “It’s a serious case but I can defend myself.”

“Yes yes it actually is. I know he’s handling a case you’re sadly involved in though because he’s the best at his job.”

“Yeah, _sadly_.” you muttered bitterly “I’ll let you talk, I’m gonna get us something to eat, yeah?” and before waiting for an answer you were already on your way to the kitchen. He stared after you, lips parted and ready to speak but sighed, shaking his head.

“_Though so_.”

~Meanwhile~

Dean downed the next shot without giving it a single thought. Not that he allowed himself to think about anything and anyone else but you. It both killed him and gave him life just how much your absence and existence had consumed his life, mind and soul alike, because although he felt motivated to be a better man – and yes, whatever that included – at the same time he didn’t find a purpose in most of the things now that you had put distance between you.

And it killed him to know it was his fault because he couldn’t be honest with you. Not that it was easy to admit everything he’d done, hell he feared you’d loathe him then. But then again, was it really him? Or was he merely a puppet in all of this?

“That’s gonna kill you one day.” an all-too-familiar voice sounded behind him but it wasn’t the one he wished so bad to hear, the one that made at least his dreams every night better than reality.

“Really? Oh wow” he scoffed a laugh sarcastically “And here I thought it was going to be you.” he rolled his eyes to look at her as she sat next to him, glaring daggers at her. Out of all the nights to go out to a bar he chose this to forget the gun

“Hmh death is nothing but a mere concept, though, isn’t it? It is inevitable, it comes for everyone sooner or later, and yet everyone dreads it. Why? When you know you can’t avoid it, do you really fear freedom so much? I wonder sometimes.” she shrugged, grabbing one of

“You call death freedom now?” he raised an eyebrow, exhaustion showing on his face.

“Is it not? You are trapped, most humans are trapped. Hell, _everyone_ is. The human body, the vessel, that’s what containsyou, no matter how attractive sometimes-” she reached out to caress his cheek but he turned his head away with a growl and she sighed, rolling her eyes and withdrawing her hand “It always is in the end a cell, restraining you. And in death it slowly disintegrates releasing the true power of a soul. Who knows what happens to it after that.”

“And you? It doesn’t restrain you? You say most people but you-”

“I’m not _most_ people.” she hissed “And I’m certainly not your precious (Y/n).” the moment she said the name Dean found himself on alert and she was smart enough to notice.

“That much I know, _she _can make me smile like no other woman; especially you.” he said with a smirk, pleased at how she scowled “She’s good, she is actually the _best _thing that could happen to me. You on the other hand by far the worst, and will have the biggest pleasure to put a bullet in your head.”

“She won’t be for long, unless you want to test for how long you will love even her corpse.” the threat was crystal clear and Dean glared at her, clenching his jaw and almost growling like an angry Alpha “You know I met a woman once, we had a lovely talk-” she took one of his shots and downed it “And I have never agreed with her more than then.”

“What do you mean?” he grumbled, his eyes shifting to check on the environment around him. People that could look at them, who was around that could help get her down, how far the bank was considering it was the only building with cameras and just how far they could record. They were sitting by the window but it was dark and he checked on any possible allys she might have, or any passing cars.

“There is no such thing as good and no such thing as bad. Those are fairytales. We have evolved to attach an emotional significance to what is nothing more than a survival strategy of the pack animal. We are conditioned to invest divinity in utility. Good isn’t really good, evil isn’t really really evil and wanting something bad is not really bad but merely a need, carnal almost.” she let a soft exhale, shrugging “You’ve learned to believe the things you were taught as if they are your own beliefs and opinions. You consider a melody beautiful when it’s right and not when it’s wrong because that’s what you were taught. You consider a woman beautiful or not according to your personal preferences but they are all simply concepts. Concepts, Dean, that you’ve adopted as a kid but not really felt. Feeling, that’s a complicated one, isn’t it?” she raised an eyebrow, getting closer to him and he stood frozen in his place for a moment, as she placed a hand on top of his.

“You are a prisoner of your own meat. A slave to its urges and that is why-” she smiled, her face closer to his “You can’t do anything about it and about me. You want to fight this, at least that’s what your brain says, but your body oh it reacts in such a different way when close to me. You can’t resist this, you can’t resist me, at least your body can’t and just like that you won’t be able to do a thing to stop me, especially put a bullet in me. You will let me go, every single time, and every single time you’re going to come back to me.”

“No” his voice was rough as he breathed in and out heavily “No, I’m not- n- not going to-”

“Dean, Dean Dean. Please, we both know it’s useless so why fight this? When you’re going just give in so easily and enjoy it, because you will in the end.” she grinned, running her hand up his arm.

“Are you going to try another reprogramming with me now?” he snarled at her and she laughed.

“Oh but it’s not needed, you know it. You believe wanting this is bad. That it is wrong, that all these desires should befought and pushed away but I told you Dean, bad is a mere concept. And that’s why your feelings are going to take over inthe end and no (Y/n) will be able to stop this.” she didn’t realize it but the mere mention of your name was able to do the one thing Dean has been struggling to do on his own for very long when near her.Pull him out of his trance, her mind-control somehow fading slightly when your image flashed through his mind and it shocked Dean as if a bucket of ice coldwater was poured on him.

He was usually powerless, as if his every muscle relaxed and his mind was hazy when she was around but the mention ofyour name and your thought gave him the chance to gain control of his own mind again “Well, do you want to know something about my feelings?”

She raised an yebrow and nodded her head for him to keep talking “You are right, I will give into my needs and urges, I will succumb to my feelings. Because I am sure of two things. One, I will be with the real woman I love in the end and two-” he grabbed her by the throat, holding firmly to the point he was almost choking her “I will rip your throat apart, slowly and mercilessly, with my bare hands and I promise, your little intelligent brain will know _very_ well just how real pain is, and trust me it’s not a concept.”

“D-Dean” she choked out, eyes wide as the man growled; glaring at her with burning rage.

But he didn’t give her the chance to speak as he slammed her head on the table, hard enough to make blood run down her temple but not enough to knock her out. He got a few looks but didn’t care as he got up from his seat and gave her a final death glare over his shoulder.

“Oh and just so you know, _yes _I did mean (Y/n).” he said in a gruff voice before putting his coat back on and storming off. And for the first time in days he actually had a smile on at the confession that had left his lips before he could stop it. And even more so when he realized he didn’t want to take it back.

Only to leave an even more pissed off woman behind.

~The following morning~

The moment the light shone through your curtains waking you up, you couldn’t help a cure from leaving your lips. Especially when it combined with your alarm going off. Your head hurt, courtesy of the extra drink you had downed, while thinking about the green-eyed detective and just how bad you missed him. Your eyes fluttered open and you slowly blinked, your sight adjusting to the light and you came face to face with a sigh that you were pretty sure had not fallen asleep to.

“What the…” you trailed off, sitting up to take hold of the small letter that was on your the other pillow on your bed. One you were very sure wasn’t there last night, and as you noticed that the window was open – again not something you’d forget the night before – you held your breath as you opened it.

“_I’m coming.”_ it was simple but the three words were enough to make you jump of your bed in panic. Part of you was a little more at ease these days when she hadn’t given you a single sign but you were a fool to think you were off the hook.

“No, no no no.” you shook your head in panic, running to your window to slam it shut. A gasp leaving your lips as you stumbled back the moment you read what she’d written there too.

“_Don’t think I forgot about you, you will pay for everything.”_

“No” you placed a hand over your mouth, your heart hammering in your chest as your throat felt tight. The moment you turned around to leave you faced the full-length mirror you had in your room and your heart tightened painfully once more in your chest.

“_I’m here. All around you. All the time, even when you don’t see me. You can’t escape this.”_ you read each word with tears welling up in your eyes _“Nobody can save you, nobody wants to save you.”_

You wiped the tears angrily, making a run for the bathroom to grab a towel to wipe out the words that felt like a stab to your heart. But you immediately regretted the decision, because once you entered the bathroom a gasp left your lips and more tears streamed down your cheeks. You struggled to breathed almost as if she was there choking you again. You looked all around you, different messages covered everything, especially the walls, in big or smaller letters written with you hoped red paint but it looked so much like blood it made your insides turn. An ear-piercing scream left your lips as you took a look at the bathtub, that was certainly filled with blood and a body there. On the floor there were merely two shots and a small paper with a sentence.

“Care for a drink? This was the last the bartender served. Shame right? He was ready to call the police.”

You collapsed on the floor as you looked at the different words..

“_I was his beginning and I will be the end too.”_

“_You took something that didn’t belong to you. Twice. And you are going to pay for that.”_

“_Welcome to the final problem, princess. Try to solve this: How will your death play out?”_

“_Don’t struggle, I’ll make it quick and easy.”_

“_Say goodbye while you have the chance. It will be painful, but don’t call out for him. He’s not coming.”_

“_He’s not coming to your aid, he doesn’t care. He won’t save you, he doesn’t want to.”_

“_He’s chosen a different side. He can’t stop it, he can’t control it and he wants it. Not you.”_

“_**He lied to you.**_** From the beginning he lied to you. He wasn’t honest. He kept secrets. Everyone around you is lying.**”

“N-no, no no.” you choked out, hold your head in your hands “Stop, stop it no. No.” you said over and over again, shaking your head violently as sobs shook your entire body and whimpers left your lips.

“Get out! Get! Out! Leave me alone!” you screamed, as if somehow she’d listen or the yelling would lead your demons away “Leave me alone.” you whimpered, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Not possible.” a voice said and your eyes snapped open, your head jumping as you searched with your eyes for the direction it was coming from “See, (Y/n) you are so predictable. But then, all humans are. Don’t be offended, it is common with those who barely make an effort to reach their full capacities.”

“Wh-where are you?” you whimpered, struggling but getting on your feet.

“Some are interesting, I’ll admit. Some are worth the try and oh it is so fun to watch them make one choice and not another. Which is why I’m interested to see the choice you will make concerning your death, (Y/n). Forget the possibility of Dean helping you, he has no power or control when I’m around anyway.”

“Stop this! Enough!”

“Not that I think you’ll want to call him. I see you’re giving him the cold shoulder, interesting but I don’t blame you. After all he kept so many secrets from you, secrets concerning me. I could gladly tell you the truth, if you think you’re ready to hear it. It’s much more harsh than you’d expect, see people are just made for hurting others. And Dean was bound to hurt you, but I can explain why. See we’re known each other for very long, longer and much more intimately than you can expect. He and I-”

“No! Enough!” you yelled, finding the cassette tape playing, grabbed it and threw it at the mirror to break it, breaking the mirror as well to not see your reflection anymore. It felt as if you were seeing her there too.

“Enough!” you cried out, feeling as if you were going to collapse again. Your chest was heaving as you struggled to breath, your throat hurt, felt dry and at the same time burned just like your eyes. Your vision was blurry as you made a run for the door, a cry immediately leaving your lips when you stepped on the broken glasses. As if all the blood around you wasn’t enough now you had to bleed too.

You whimpered, reaching down to pick out the biggest piece first and then the smaller pieced from your skin. Each one hurting you even more than when you stepped on it. You clenched your teeth, trying to keep yourself from sobbing. Brushing away some tears and blinking, with your hands and foot covered in blood you limped your way out of the bathroom and downstairs. You sobbed more, unable to stop it when as you walked down the stairs you looked at all the photos you had on the walls with you and your family being marked. And in all of them it was you that she’d circled or erased with black marker, RIP in some of them.

You closed your eyes to not look at them, only for a moment to trip and stumble down a couple stairs, hitting your hip and other leg. Just as you were sure your head was going to collide with the cold floor hard you only were left to wait for the impact. It took you a moment in between your sobbing and your heart hammering in your ears to realized an actual pair of arms around you. You opened your eyes to be met with a pair of green ones but despite how they could usually calm down, it now was impossible.

“(Y/n)? (Y/n)?!” his voice sounded so far an distant, like an echo as he shook your.

“Th-there i-is- blood, so so much b-blood. A-and a body, de-dead a-and sh-she was- was he-here. She was here, and-messages, everywhere. A-and blood, blood everywhere. Th-the bathroom a-and m-my r-room- I- I couldn’t-” you were panting and shaking, choking on words and sobs, coughing as well.

“No, no (Y/n). Please, hey (Y/n) look at me! Try to breathe! (Y/n)!” he held onto your shoulders, shaking you desperately trying to get to you but you were having a panic attack so bad you couldn’t even stop yourself from trembling. Your hands were shaking already and you tried to form more words but couldn’t.

“(Y/n), try to breathe! Look at me here, try to focus! Everything is going to be alright, just take a deep breath in! (Y/n) can you hear me?!” he was roaring but you couldn’t hear a thing, nor control your body at all. He gritted his teeth seeing you weren’t responding. His eyes roamed your figure in desperation looking for a way to calm you down, and when he couldn’t think of something good enough he did the first thing that came to his mind.

Inhaling he cupped your face with both hands and… crashed his lips to yours.


	9. Chapter 9

Inhaling he didn’t give it a second thought and as he cupped your face he crashed his lips to yours without a warning. He hoped to get a reaction out of you but this far exceeded any expectations. Although your body was still shaking for a few second it slowly started to relax and somehow the uncontrollable sobbing died down along with it. Your shoulders relaxed too, falling down slightly, a soft breath leaving through your nose and your hands that had fisted Dean’s coat in nowloosened their grip. Your eyes fluttered shut and although Dean had only at first pressed his lips hard to yours you made a small, almost hesitant, move of your own ones that made him somehow relax as well.

Your lips parted slightly, allowing his to move gently against them and kiss you in a slow and intimate way. You responded to his kiss just as much as he did to yours, resulting in it growing to the fullest. His tongue brushed slightly against your lower lip but he was more focused on the feeling and taste of your lips at the moment than anything else, while you savored the smell of strong coffee that came with it. His plump, soft lips pressed a little harder against yours and his forehead rested against yours, as your breaths mixed and became one. For the first time in so many days you could feel yourself calm down and find a much-needed peace, your chest feeling lighter and a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

His lips were much softer than you’d imagined and your tongue brushed softly against them. The moment however you felt his teeth graze over yours, a sense of realization was snapped into you. You tried to fight the pleasant shivers that ran down your spine so before you could get carried away and it could escalate, you slowly pressed your palms on his chest and gave him a small push. It took him a second but he did pull away, your faces remaining a few inches apart as your eyes moved back and forth; looking into each other’s.

You blinked and a tear rolled down your cheek. A trembling breath left your lips, your eyes casting as your head fell down and you sniffled. Dean swallowed thickly before wrapping his arms around your back. He held onto the back of your head, which rested on his shoulder and kissed the top as you hiccupped and shivered slightly. He hastily took off his coat and drapped it over you, the thin long T-shirt doing little to no job on its own.

“It’s alright.” he whispered in a hoarse voice, closing his eyes as well “It’s all going to be alright. I promise.” he tried not to let the fear he felt sound in his voice but it was nearly impossible.

~*~

“This is danger of the highest level, I’m not going to be making any jokes about this, you hear me?!” Dean roared and it echoed through the entire house, making you close your eyes with a frown as you felt a sharp pain in your head.

The detective took notice of your distressed look as you leaned on the couch when he glanced at you and let out a heavy sigh “I’ve got cops already on the way, you just make damn sure you look it up and not waste any more of my time Gabriel.” and he didn’t even give him the chance to respond as he ended the call.

“Good thing the police always arrives just in time, huh?” you asked in a hoarse and humorless voice.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he walked back towards you again “Yeah, always.” he cleared his throat when he realized how awkward that came out and it was both surprising and not, because the tension only added to his nervousness. He had no been this awkward talking to you not even the first time you met but then again maybe it was because of everything that had happened just previously.

“So… how is your foot?” he asked, sitting at the end of the couch as you shrugged tiredly.

“Like shit.” you muttered, looking down at your still bloody hands before closing your eyes again and wrapping the coat tighter around you.

“It will take some time to heal and in the meanwhile it will hurt, I won’t lie. But-” he sighed, taking carefully your bare leg in his arms and running his fingers over the smaller bruises “The bruises will at least fade away in a couple days and there will be no reminder of it.”

“Yeah, would be too much to add yet another one to the long list.” you mumbled, your eyes opening slightly to watch as he softly moved his hands, completely concentrated not to hurt you any further; almost as if your leg was made out of glass and would break with a single wrong move.

Your heart skipped a beat but you acted as if it was nothing and spoke in a low hoarse voice “Dean” you had been tryingfor two weeks to not even say his name and now it sparked new feelings. He looked up from where he was about to change the gauze he had put not long ago, holding your gaze for a full minute.

“What were you doing here when I stumbled down the stairs?”

He let a soft breathe through his nose before looking down and continuing with the task he had started “I heard your scream.” he confessed and before you could ask again to question that he spoke “I was just outside for about… an hour or two, I usually lose track of time.” he paused, clearing his throat because he had obviously let out on more than he should. Usually, yeah.

Your eyebrows were raised and your eyes almost wide as you asked in a whisper “You… what?”

He stopped what he was doing, clenching his jaw with a shake of his head and decided to finish changing the gauzes that were already soaked in blood before speaking “Just because you asked me to stay away, didn’t mean I was going to risk losing you. I respected you never wanting to see me again or make any sort of contact but… I’d much rather have to drink myself into oblivion… or even death because you don’t want to see my face ever again than drink myself to death because I let something happen to you, because you died and I-” he stopped himself, gritting his teeth.

“Don’t say that, please.” you felt tears well up in your eyes again and when he looked at you there was instantly regret on his face “Never.”

“Yeah, but-” he sighed, placing your leg down on the couch again “As I said, I wouldn’t take any risks. I always make sure to keep my distance, so I can keep an eye out for you but you won’t see me. And I’m-” he looked you seriously in the eyes “Not saying this so that you can forgive me, I know at this point I really don’t deserve forgiveness, but I’m just saying it because you were right. You deserve to know the truth. So I am telling you that you can tell me to get the fucking hell out of your house because you don’t even want to hear my name, you can curse, scream and yell at me. Blame me, say you hate me I can- I _will_ be able to take it, but I want you to know I am not going to stay away from you as long as she’s around. Until I make sure you’re safe I will risk my life too.”

“I asked you to stay away and avoided contact for two weeks, did you- did you do this from the beginning?”

“What can I say? I’m a stubborn man.” he gave you a smile that didn’t even reach his eyes “I don’t know if it’s better you knowing or not but- if you ask me, the _second _you ask me, I will get out of that door and you won’t have to see me again nor hear from ever again, no texts or calls I promise you, unless it is a life or death situation. No other reason, it will be like I don’t exist at all for you, if… _that’s_ what you wish and really want.”

“I-” you pursed your lips, playing with the fabric of his coat but still unable to look away from him.

There was a heavy feeling at the pit of your stomach and something like a weight sitting instantly on your chest when he said that he’d actually disappear if you asked him to. Not something new, you had asked him the same days ago, but after two weeks you had realized just what it _actually_ meant not to have him in your life. The doubts and uncertainty you previously felt could not compared to the emptiness inside your chest, the cold and fear you felt all the time. And it was all just so much worse than when you had Dean around, when you had him to run to. Whether you wanted to admit it or not, this wasn’t a situation you could deal with entirely on your own, you wanted someone to be there even to comfort you, anyone close to you. And Dean wasn’t just another face in the crowd, that was for sure.

Dean saw you hesitate, he even saw an inner battle he had not see when you first asked him to not contact you again and he couldn’t help the small spark of hope within him and his heart leapt to his throat when you shook your head barely so. His heart at the same time ached, though, when he saw a tear slip from your eye and he subconsciously scooted closer to you to wipe it away, until he realized it and froze in his place. Your eyes were slightly wide and red, your figure getting lost in his coat. You held his gaze for a moment before you jumped and despite your wounds and aches you wrapped your arms around him.

You needed the hug, you needed him, you needed him closer to you and you needed to feel safe. Doubts or not, lies or not, secrets or not, Dean didn’t just offer you peace and safety when your own house wouldn’t, he was your peace because he _was_ your home.

Dean didn’t even hesitate this time, he gathered you in his arms and and squeezed you, keeping you as tightly as possible. You buried your face in his chest, a small sob leaving your lips, and you took a deep inhale; savoring his scent. Dean buried his in the crook of your neck, doing the same.

“(Y/n), I-” he started but didn’t have the chance to complete his question, when he heard footstep followed by a voice.

“Dean? (Y/n)?” you recognized it as Castiel’s voice and as much as you didn’t want to, you hesitantly pulled away from Dean. The green-eyed man pulled away as well, clearing his throat and giving you an apologetic smile.

“Here, Cas.” he got up to greet his friend that found you easily.

“Hello” he gave you a small nod and smile both “What happened here exactly?”

“You’ll see but you can take a guess on who.” Dean said gruffly.

“Are you hurt?” the older man asked with a frown and you gave him a small nod.

“Just my foot, but it wasn’t her doing per say. She wasn’t really here, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less serious or painful.” you said, taking hold of the coat again and wrapping it around you.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” he looked at you in sympathy but you shook your head.

“It is what it is, Cas. I just wish it can be over with, soon.” your eyes fell on Dean for a second to see his eyes were all the time on you.

“I should probably take a look upstairs then? Or is it anywhere else?” Castiel asked his partner and Dean tore his gaze from you.

“Yeah, upstairs but before that there are a few things I need to talk with you about.”

“Sure” Castiel nodded his head as he was ready to leave the room or at least put some distance between the two of them and you, knowing all too well in almost every case that there were things that the victim shouldn’t hear.

“Uh no we’re good here, she can hear too. It concerns her more than anyone after all, she needs to know.” Dean said in a gruff voice and Castiel couldn’t help the small smirk off his lips this time.

“Alright then.” he nodded his head, receiving a death glare from his friend of course at the tone in his voice.

“I want you to talk to the neighbors and check in case any of them have some sort of security system with cameras. We know the shops nearby don’t but there is a bank near the bar that could have caught her. It’s not possible she killed the bartender and then brought him all the way here, my guess is she did one of her lovely mind games. Got in here with him and then he proceeded to kill him in the bathroom.”

“Wait- bartender?”

“There is a body in the bathtub, swimming in blood.”

“But why would she kill him? Where did that come from? It’s not like her to pick on random victims.”

“It’s cause he wasn’t that random.” Dean mumbled, chewing on his lower lip and after glancing at you he spoke again “I saw her at the bar, she was there to taunt me. Again. I- I had no gun with me, and there were too many innocents to risk it so I just had to let her go. Damn it.” he ran a hand down his face as you watched him with wide eyes, shocked at what he’d just confessed “I didn’t know she was going to come and do that! I came to check on (Y/n) immediately after I left the bar but she-”

“Knew it.” you whispered, getting his attention but not looking him in the eyes but rather the dried blood in your hands “She can read people, and she sure knows how to observe. She had probably seen you all those other times before that, you couldn’t have done a thing to stop her.” you looked up at him, a barely visible smile on your lips “It’s alright, not your fault.”

To say you had left him stunned would be an understatement “I-” he took a deep breath “I should be more ready, though. Which is why we are going to take drastic measures this time, and that sadly means you have to take (Y/n) somewhere safe.”

“What?” both you and Cas asked at the same time.

“I’m sorry but I just hope you understand you’re not safe here. We gotta find another place for you to live until this is all over, clearly we can’t be here 24/7 as much as I’d want to. We need to search for information and not just wait for her to appear. And this is obviously not a safe place for you, at all!”

“But if not here, then where could we take her?”

“But I- I can’t leave my house just like this.” you breathed out, struggling to get up and doing so just to approach the two men.

“Sweetheart, please.” Dean breathed out in worry, instantly moving to take hold of your shoulders and support you “We’re doing this cause it’s best for you.”

“Yeah, just like keeping secrets was.” you said sharply and Dean clenched his jaw, looking down almost in shame “And I accepted that. But you can’t just ask me to accept this as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, I’ve struggled so much to get this house, I can’t jut give it up.”

“And we’re not asking you to, (Y/n). But we need you to understand until this is over with, and we hope it’s soon, you will have to be around people and to live with someone. Someone that can protect you when she decided to break in again, because one way or another she will.” the blue -eyed man said gently.

You sighed heavily, looking around you with glossy eyes “Then if- if I must leave… where could I even go? I can’t burden my parents with this, my family doesn’t even know I’m going through all of that to keep them safe.”

“And they won’t be able to protect you enough, no I didn’t mean them.” Castiel shook his head.

“Then where?” you looked between him and Dean as they were having a silent conversation “Some sort of house for victims and runaways?”

“There is one. That’s what I initially thought but-” Dean started, cutting himself off as he could practically hear his friend suggest something.

“But there is another choice. Much better one than having to be restricted in a room with guards and police all around outside.” Castiel nodded his head, still looking at Dean who scoffed with a laugh.

“I didn’t really have this in mind when I brought it up, Cas. She won’t even give it a second thought before declining.” he shook his head and you pursed your lips in annoyance.

“_She_ is standing right here and can make decisions of her own, so if it is something else that involves safety and not just four walls then you bet your ass I damn well wanna hear it!” you growled, glaring at him.

“It’s not- you won’t like it anyway.” Dean shook his head, throwing his hands in the air.

“Well, try me!” you shrugged.

“Just- this is all Castiel’s idea, don’t look at me. It’s all on him.” he shook his head, arms raised in surrender.

“Dean, damn it, where are you taking me?” you hissed.

“It’s still up to you if you want to go, though, so just-”

“Dean’s house.” Cas finally breathed out, cutting Dean off and a gasp left your lips.

~*~

“So I’ve got everything you need.”

“Took you long enough, what were you doing? Taking your sweet time with my underwear?” you asked with a smirk that although it didn’t reach your eyes was enough to get a chuckle out of the man.

“I don’t know, maybe. You’ve got a very interesting variety to be honest.” he smirked back, glancing at you to see you bite your lip to keep yourself from grinning as you focused down on your hands.

“I hope you memorized it all well enough cause you ain’t seeing it again.” you said sassily back and he caught himself grinning, not just at your words but pleased that you were both feeling better after the events and even more relaxed enough with him just like the old times.

“Anyway-” he cleared his throat “I hope they can last long enough but even more that you won’t end up needing all of this.” Dean said carrying the suitcase full of your clothes to the Impala that you were sitting in.

“Trust me, that’s what I hope as well.” you played with your fingers “I’m sorry by the way for the coat I just can’t bring myself to go up not even for a minute and-”

“Don’t even mention it, (Y/n). Nobody expects you to go up there even to change.” he shook his head, kneeling in front of you “Have you… decided on where you want to stay yet or do you want me to do someth-”

“Dean” you cut him off with a whisper “I… know what I want, and I know where I want to be, and there’s only one person on this Earth that can make me feel safe in the way I need to be. Only one person that can offer me everything I need.” you both hesitated but as he placed a hand on top of yours you actually gave him a squeeze.

“But?” he dreaded to hear your answer.

“But there is something stopping me and I can’t hide it from you.” you licked your lips, locking eyes with him “I want to stay at your place Dean, yes, and I want to be with you as often as possible because-” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat as the man stared at you with slightly wide eyes, as if he didn’t expect to hear you say that.

“Doesn’t matter.” you decided against it “What I mean to say is that… as long as you keep having secrets from me I- I can’t fully trust you Dean. I know that you want the best for me, and I _believe_ that you’re doing it to protect me, I believe you because I can see that that’s what you only want but-”

“But it still makes you doubt everything, I know.” a sigh escaped his lips and his eyes casted down at your hands.

“I will come to live with you, only if you tell me everything about this case. Only if you tell me the whole truth, otherwise I simply… can’t.”

Dean hesitated, biting his lower lip, knowing he could be risking too much but at the same time needing to get it off his chest and not put any obstacles between you “Alright.” he breathed out before he could stop himself “Alright, I will tell you everything. But once you’re all set up, ok? We need to organize everything perfectly before I can let you know, deal?”

“Deal”

~That night~

“I see you’re all set up, that’s good.” Dean rough yet soft voice caught your attention, making you jump slightly, hitting your head on one of the kitchen cabinets.

“Ow!” you groaned, your hand immediately going for your head.

“Shit!” Dean cursed, rushing to you, cupping your face to take a look at your head “Did I startle you?”

“Lil bit.” you mumbled, managing a small laugh.

“Sorry.” he whispered “Does it hurt? What are you doing here anyway?”

“I’m fine don’t worry. I’m a clums, anyway, so I’m by now used to it.” you grinned, looking into his eyes that were still full of concern “And cooking. Or at least trying to.” you breathed out a laugh and his eyebrows raised softly and you looked away, trying not to get carried away by how good he looked when his suit was a little messed up, a couple buttons undone and his tie loose around his neck.

“What?” he whispered “(Y/n) I told you not to tire yourself, I could order something for us.”

“I know but I just-” you licked your lips “I felt useless and a little bored. I couldn’t go to work apparently so I need to keep my mind occupied with something else.” you shrugged, your eyes casting down.

“Sam left you alone?” he frowned, looking around him but you shook your head.

“Don’t be mad, I had to push him with all my strength out of the door. He had work to do and I didn’t need a babysitter to look after me.”

“Damn it, (Y/n) the whole purpose of you coming here was for you to be safe and with someone close to you all the time. This first day I couldn’t make it but it was Sam’s job to-”

“It’s nobody’s job to look after me but myself, Dean. Nobody’s but mine, you hear me?” you cut him off with a gentle voice tone “I agreed to this because I need to feel more safe and I need you but that’s just it. Plus, it hasn’t been that long. I knew you were on the way so I told him to go and get some rest of his own.” you shrugged but he dragged a hand down his face with a frustrated groan.

“Hell, (Y/n), the only way of you being safe is following my advice! And Sam, he should have fucking stayed! I told him not to leave you out of his sight even for a minute, how could he-”

“Listen to me here!” you grabbed his shoulders, getting his attention “Don’t be mad at Sam, he put up a strong fight to stay! I really had to go into detail I didn’t want to, to get rid of him-” you cleared your throat when you felt your cheeks heat up at his questioning gaze “I told you, I wasn’t alone for very long and even if I was- how could she know I’m here? She’s lost sight of me for some time and that’s to our advantage. Now get your pretty ass down and get ready for dinner because I tried my best for you!”

“You… what?” he was ready to argue more on the issue of your safety but your last words really did catch him off guard.

“Yeah about that-” you cleared your throat, looking away from him with burning cheeks “I knew you’d be tired, was a long day, both from running around to find clues and meeting with other cops that I thought you… could use a good homemade meal. I mean, you’ll get to say if it’s good but with all the take out, I guess you must have missed it?” you only glanced at him over your shoulder as he started at you with an awe-struck smile.

“Wh-what?” you whispered when he didn’t say a thing.

“You’re perfect, you know that?” he breathed out, even if there were only three other words he wanted to say.

You shook your head “Nah I’m not. Not really.” you chewed on your lower lip “Just sit, or you can go change, before I serve.”

“I actually have a better idea.”

~*~

“Getting me drunk.” you breathed out, leaning against the couch as you watched the fire burn in front of you “So that was your plan all along. Hm I see now, you want to take advantage of me.” you licked your lips, slightly dizzy.

He just chuckled, shaking his head “Trust me, I would much rather have you sober. But it’s still not my fault you had a little too many glasses.”

“Not that I wouldn’t indulge in you anyway, sober or not you remain irresistible.” you giggled and he couldn’t help a chuckle “Plus, I only had two, but this wine is really good and really strong. I can’t help it.” you shrugged, eyes falling on your him as you smirked “But I never took you for a wine guy, detective.”

“Well, it was actually three nearly full ones to be correct. But I don’t blame you, it’s been a long day.” he smiled softly “And uh I am not, it’s just a special occasion I guess. This is the first time you’re in my place, I gotta make a good impression.” he shrugged, taking a sip of his own.

“I see” you shifted on the floor, looking at the fireplace “Well so far so good if you want me to fall for you.”

He grinned, laughing softly “Alright, maybe you’ve had enough of that. The (Y/n) I know would never say that.”

“And it definitely has a lot to do with the plaid too.” you said with a smirk “I haven’t seen you wear plaid very often but it always is a sight for sore eyes.”

He laughed, looking down at his wine “I’ve just kinda gotten used to wearing a suit when on work.”

“Yeah, but your work just never ends anyway.” you shrugged “And as for what you previously said about my words… The (Y/n) you know would never _admit_ it to you.” you corrected, meeting his slightly wide eyes “But-” you looked down a little in sorrow “So many things have happened that I don’t know how much of that (Y/n) is left anyway.”

“I will end this, I promised you that. And I will protect you with my life, I need you to remember it.” he said in a gruff voice and you gave him a weak smile “I will get to the bottom of this, I will find the connection we need and the person really responsible for all of it, and I will _end it._”

“I know you will.” you whispered.

A small pause followed and when you noticed he was in deep thought you couldn’t help but question “What is it? I’m not that drunk to miss that look in your eyes.”

“I just-” he chewed on his lower lip “I was just thinking.”

“Figured. About what?”

He licked his lower lip, sighing softly “What… happened this morning.” he breathed out and you rose in your place, because none of you had dared bring up the kiss until now. But as you thought about it you just weren’t ready to face the truth yet.You weren’t ready to face the truth called ‘helplessly in love with the green-eyed detective’ yet, much less talk about it with him seriously. Flirting was part of all this from the beginning but being fully open about this scared you more than you could admit to yourself.

You cleared your throat, putting as much os a stoic and casual look on your face “I had a panic attack, I was on the verge of breaking down and you did the best thing you could to bring me around. Honestly-”you smiled slightly “There is nothing else I could say but thank you for what you did, Dean, doesn’t matter how or what.”

The moment you looked at him you caught him trying to do his best not let… his disappointment show? He actually tried to mark it. It made you frown.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going to say as well.” his voice was more rough.

“…Really?” you whispered with a frown, feeling your own heart sink.

“Yeah, I uh I got really worried, that’s all. I wanted to know if it has happened before when I wasn’t around and if… you think you could control it.” he shrugged, not meeting your eyes.

“Uh no-” you looked down at your hands “No it hasn’t so it’s all fine. And when it’s not I guess… it’s a good thing I have you around.”

“Yeah… I guess.”

Your lips parted, ready to say a thing but you were cut off when your phone buzzed so you reached out to take hold of it, a small smile tugged at your lips “Cheesy” you giggled, reading the text.

“Who is it?”

“Just an ex.” you muttered casually, typing back a reply and thus missed the way Dean’s body stiffened “Met him just yesterday after a long time of him going MIA. But we were always more friends so you know. He’s asking opinion on a line for a book, he’s a writer.”

“Really?” he raised an eyebrow “You haven’t told me about that.”

“Didn’t come up, plus how much more could I tell you about your director that you already don’t know?” you shrugged.

“My-_ what?!_” he blinked, choking on his drink.

“Your director. Chuck Shurley? I believe you met up with him about the case before I even knew he was in town.”

“I… You know Chuck?” you gave him a small nod at the words “Better yet, how long have you known Chuck?”

“Long… enough.” you mumbled, frowning when you saw the way he was looking at you as if he was trying to figure something out, his brain working non stop “Way before I came in this town. Why… what is it, Dean?”

“Maybe…” he blinked, clenching his jaw before he looked at you “The connection I needed all along.”

“Connection? But how could-”

“And the solution, (Y/n). The solution to all of your problems… to all of our problems.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Why… what is it, Dean?” you looked at him with a frown.

“Maybe…” he blinked, clenching his jaw before he looked at you with slightly wide and certainly “The connection I needed all along.”

“Connection? But how could-”

“And the solution, (Y/n). The solution to all of your problems… to all of our problems.” he breathed almost in shock at the realization that downed on him. A realization you couldn’t fully comprehend yet.

“Solution? What kind of solution are you talking about, Dean?” you blinked but he didn’t answer as he kept thinking to himself.

“Dean?” you question without an answer “Dean answer me! Dean? Dean!” but he didn’t seem to listen much to you as he set his glass aside, got up and walked around the coffee table making his way out of the living room you were just dining in.

“Dean wait! Where are you-” you groaned as you accidentally pressed on your injured leg. You limped your way towards his office, assuming it was the most plausible option judging by his direction.

“Dean? What’s all of this?” you asked with wide eyes, seeing the mess of papers he had managed to make already.

“It was here, I swear I’d put somewhere here.” he grumbled “Son of a bitch, where did I put it?!” he growled, opening book after book.

“What are you looking for? Dean please calm down and explain to me.”

“I can’t, I fucking can’t! I need to find it, I need to find-” he stopped when he finally found the book he wanted, slipping through the pages a file fell on his desk. And as that silence filled the room as well.

“D” you whispered when you saw how he paled the moment he held the file open in his hands “What is it?” you whispered, getting closer to him.

“It was him.” he breathed out before looking at you “The reason why she’s after you. It’s him.”

“Him- who? I don’t understand you Dean. What are you talking about?” you placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Chuck” he breathed out and you took a step back at the seriousness in his voice “It is Chuck that I’ve been looking for, the connection, right there from the very beginning but I couldn’t see it. She’s after you because of Chuck!”

“D-Dean wh-” you shook your head “W- what are you talking about?” you blinked, taking another step back and he looked at you in sympathy.

“(Y/n), I mean-”

“No, Dean!” you felt your head hammer in your chest and all the blood rush to your ears “What are you talking about?! Chuck is- he’s my friend, he’s a cop, a good one, he wouldn’t lead her to- to me. How could Chuck be involved in any of this but-”

“They’re siblings!” he cut you off “They’re… siblings, (Y/n).” he whispered, when he saw all kinds of emotions flash in front of your wide eyes. Your wide glossy eyes he noticed as you gasped in utter shock, the betrayal obvious on your face, as you stumbled backwards. His entire body screamed for him to take a step forward and gather you in his arms, hug you close like there was no tomorrow and tell you that everything was going to be alright. But you raised a hand, stopping him before he could do anything. It broke his heart to watch you like this and even more hear your weak, little broken voice whisper to him.

“What?”

He took a deep breath, opting to look at the file and papers in front of him rather than you because then he knew he would break “He… obviously didn’t want to tell you to protect you. That’s what my best guess would be.”

“Guess? _Guess?_ Dean do you hear what you’re even saying?! You’re- You’re implying my- my friends, my closest people, the ones I considered like family from you, to Sam, Cas, and now Chuck have all just been lying to me from the beginning a-and keeping secrets?!” you ended up yelling, tears pooling in your eyes and the man winced, closing his eyes for a moment. Your words felt like a stab to his heart, because although he had started pretending as if everything was alright between you – he was desperate to convince himself of that – he knew very well that they weren’t. And they would end up getting even worse when he told you the whole truth.

“(Y/n), I know it’s hard-”

“No Dean, it’s not _hard_! It’s impossible! This- this can’t be- it can’t be true! Please tell me it’s not true. Please tell me you-you’re wrong. _Please_.” and he made the mistake too look you in the eyes.

A sob left his own lips as all of his strength faded away and without a second thought he actually grabbed you by the shoulders and enveloped you in his arms, despite any protests, whimpers or weak pushes “Please” you begged and he clenched his jaw, shutting his eyes tightly.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry. But I’m not.” it pained him to say it but he had to.

“H-how-” you choked out, clenching the fabric of his flannel in your fists “How do you know that? How can you be so sure?”

“Come sit first please.”

“Dean” you growled, glaring at him harshly, his flannel still fisted in your hands “Tell. Me. Everything.”

His eyes widened, understanding fully well what you meant “(Y/n) this is not the time or that, you can’t hear what-”

“You promised me, Dean, you-” you clenched your jaw and then whispered hoarsely “You promised.”

“Alright, God, fine.” he tried to swallow the lump in his throat “Please, just sit. I know what I’m telling you, your foot’s not alright either.”

“O-Ok” you whispered weakly in defeat but mostly fear and he instantly grabbed a chair to help you sit, doing the same himself. He took hold of your hands and let himself smile for a split second when you squeezed them gently.

“She was held far away from here, before all of these began.” he breathed out, locking eyes with you “Before even the police station was created here, she was locked somewhere where she couldn’t do any harm. Somewhere where almost nobody could find her. A prison made only for the worst of the worst and she had a special place there two.”

“One of those places that officially doesn’t exist?” you whispered and he gave you a small nod.

“Yes, there.” he cleared his throat “Her skills are something out of this world. She can manipulate people to do things she wants, it’s like she… reprogramms their brains by using a few words. She can break them, make them do things they never even thought of, it’s almost like she turns them into different persons… as if they don’t have a soul at all.”

“Is that… possible?” you blinked.

“If people like Sherlock Holmes are possible to exist then everything is.” he shrugged “People can achieve just so much if they use their brains correctly. Anyway-” he sighed “Her family, well the only family member she had, began to see it from the very beginning that they were equally dangerous. There has been a report that said she was caught with a knife in her hand and when asked she only answered “I wanted to know what happens to a soul after death.” she- she was only six years old and she-” he clenched his jaw, looking down at your hands for a moment in total terror, and you didn’t blame him. It was one thing kids killing people but when it was all so meticulous and well-thought it made you shake with fear of what they could really do now.

“The body was never found, nobody knows where she hid it. She’s always hinted it, she’s said, but all she did was sing a stupid song about it.” he shook his head.

“And how did she end up in her… prison?” you whispered and he licked his lips.

“As I said she only had one relative, we now know it’s… Chuck. She loved him but could get jealous very easily. They didn’t live alone, of course, they had both been adopted and raised by a lonely man whose wife died early. There was this one time…” he trailed off for a moment “The borther, the files say, Chuck we now know was having a party for his birthday and he had many friends over. Only thing it was when the time for the cake came… the candles weren’t the only thing on fire. Neighbors had claimed that she was the reason why their house burned down, and reports did confirm it was arson. Nobody but the two siblings survived. They were soon lead to an orphanage where her… disturbing behavior didn’t stop.”

“Anyway-” he cleared his throat “Those files you saw me holding were… confidential. Some of us try to keep ties with not just the US government. When it comes to people like Amara, and trust me there are others equally as bad or worse, it requires us to keep contact with people outside this country and even outside this continent. People like the ones in the UK government, some of them specialise in getting monsters like her down. So, someone actually let me in on some reports that had been kept hidden when she was put in her prison… Turns out her brother was the one that did it. Mycroft Holmes, uh the guy I told you about, had dealt with a similar situation of his own and he let me know that the person who put Amara in her prison was actually someone of great power, involved in Federal business he supposed, but the only evidence he had pointed to great power and access to said prison.”

“So who’d be better than the director of the FBI himself.” you muttered.

“Exactly. And when you told me you were… that close in the past-” he pursed his lips for a second and you raised an eyebrow at how clearly bothered by it he looked “Then it doesn’t take a genius to figure out he’s the missing piece in this puzzle. She is after you because you two were close, because she’s trying to lure him out. She wants revenge for putting her in that prison.”

“Of course she does.” you pursed your lips, letting go of his hand “Gosh, I can’t believe how naive I’ve been.” you buried your face in your hands, letting out a shaky breath.

“You’re not, look at me here-” he growled and you obeyed “You are _not_ naive. You are the best thing that has happened in my entire life.” he ended up whispering, taking hold of your hands again “You are a ray of sunshine, that’s what you are. You have faith in people, you believe they can be good but not everyone is, sadly. Just because there are… assholes out there, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. They-” he clenched his jaw “We all think we are doing it for the best but in the end-”

“How did you meet her?” you whispered and his eyebrows shot up, his eyes widening slightly “Tell me, Dean. You can tell me, I won’t be mad I promise you. I don’t have any emotional strength for that anymore, anyway.”

He held your gaze for a few second before he took in a trembling breath “I was working on a case.” his voice was barely above a whisper and you leaned, giving his hand a squeeze “Serial killer, uh Abaddon was her name. She was… one of the most lethal ones, I’ll tell you. I thought I got her once but she escaped. I uhm was going through a hard time then with Sammy and I… I was in a dark place.” he clenched his jaw, taking a long pause that made you worry for him.

He sighed tiredly, shaking his head “I wanted to get it over with by any means so I worked with Crowley. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you, now, but he was actually just my way to something bigger. He got me to meet a man, Cain was his name. He had the means to help me get to Abaddon, kill her and all, but it would come at a great cost.There would be consequences that would affect me greatly. I was reckless, as usual-” he gave you a half smile “And I agreed, without a second thought. I needed to get Abaddon and I didn’t care even if I died in the process.”

He was quick to notice the scowl that set on your face and he gave you a reassuring smile “Don’t worry, I’m alive and kicking, and you are definitely not getting rid of me anytime soon.”

“I hope not.” you whispered hoarsely “So-” you licked your lips “This means to find Abaddon was…”

“A person.” he completed your sentence “Amara. She… she was the means to finding Abaddon. I was given the accords to where I would find her and I visited her, talked to her about the case and all. She could within an hour predict her every move if we showed her where she’d been before or who she’d killed. We’ve had many close calls with Abaddon, each time finding her only thanks to Amara’s help until in the very end I got her and I was able to kill her, putting an end to all of it.”

“But?” you whispered with a frown, fearing to hear what he could have to say next. The thought of what those consequences were making your heart ache for the green-eyed man.

“But it was far from the end.” he chewed on his lower lip “She wasn’t going to help me just for my charming smile…” he trailed off, a deep frown on his face as he rubbed his temple with a frustrated sigh. For a moment you felt bad for him, sure he might have kept secrets from you but you saw it now, it was to protect you and maybe protect himself as well. This had been troubling him as well, obviously for much longer than you, and it only made you want to drop the subject altogether. He wasn’t ready to talk about it, not yet at least, about the part that involved his role in this story because it was actually painful for him.

“Well, I know I would do a lot of things for that charming smile.” you said with a casual shrug, smiling softly to cheer him up and maybe drop the subject. It wasn’t time yet and for a moment it worked because he breathed out a chuckle.

“Don’t flirt with me, it’s distracting.” he looked at you through his lashes, and whether you wanted it or not you felt your chest feel lighter and your smile get bigger.

“As if you don’t distract me enough, yourself.” you scoffed with a smirk and soon a boyish grin broke on his lips.

“Do I, now?” he raised an eyebrow, biting his lower lip “Interesting information, then, just what I need to use to my advantage.”

“Oh please don’t, it’s not like I can get you out of my mind as it is.” you breathed out with a shake of your head and a wonderful laugh left his lips. A kind of laugh you had not hear in actually a while and that warmed your chest more than you realized was possible.

“I…” you blinked before closing your eyes in embarrassment when he laughed wholeheartedly “Probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.”

“Man, I should get more bottles of that wine!” he grinned and you scoffed, kicking his legs with your good one.

“Whatever you say, not like I’m gonna drink it.” you scoffed, playing with your fingers “Dean-” you were ready to tell him to not insist on the matter, not now at least, but he beat you at speaking.

“I know- I understand that you want to talk about it, I’m sorry, I’m getting out track, I should-”

“No” you were the one to cut him off this time “No, I want to talk about it but… not like this. Not if you’re not ready, I can understand now that things are bigger than me, bigger than the both of us. I- I mean, someone I thought was my family turned out is involved in all of this worse than any of you all together so I… I should probably wait before I can know everything.”

“But you asked for-”

“It was a term. But I didn’t state when. Besides, I don’t think I will be able to take more.” but deep down it was a lie, because you weren’t protecting yourself, you knew you were only protecting him. It came naturally and it was all because of your feelings for him that, quite honestly, you could never fight.

His lips parted before he closed his mouth again, giving you a weak nod “Alright.” he whispered hesitantly “Alright, and I… promise you from now on there will be no more secrets to add to that.

“Sounds perfect to me.” you whispered, leaning in to peck his cheek before you could stop yourself.

~*~

“You know, if I didn’t know how awesome the water pressure in there is I would seriously question the sounds you were making.” you could practically hear the smirk in his voice but at that moment, and in that very situation, you were too busy jumping like a scared cat with a loud squeak when you saw the doorhandle move to care.

“No, Dean, don’t-”

“I brought some new… blankets.” he ended up whispering with wide eyes, blinking as you scurried to grab the towl and cover yourself up. Or at least as much as you could of your bare upper half, thankful for at least the blue panties covering your lower half.

“Son of a bitch, Dean!” you squealed, closing your eyes as your entire face burned in embarrassment “Do you _really_ have no idea what knocking means?!”

“I- I-” his eyes trailed up and down your body, his lips parted as he gave you that subtle and suggestive smile “Apparently not.”

“Dean” you groaned “This is not the right time.” you grumbled, eyes casted down in shyness.

“Is it not?” he nodded his head, licking his lips and humming “Hm and here I was being hopeful we’d go back to ur kind of normal.”

“We are, we really are, but that doesn’t mean you can be so casual staring at me nearly naked!” you protested, your voice slightly high pitched as he grinned at you “Damn it! Stop staring!” you squeaked out, cradling the towel close to your chest but it didn’t deter him. If anything, not only did he not remove his eyes from you but also took a couple steps closer you, letting the blankets fall on the bed.

“Why?” he asked in a low husky voice “I don’t think there is a reason to. If anything-” he approached you until your back was pressed against the wall “All beautiful things must be admired, right?”

“Yeah. Right.” you scoffed, looking down at your hands bitterly.

“Hey” he placed two fingers under your chin, tilting your head up so that you could meet his eyes “Don’t you dare defy a Federal agent, I have the means to prove you wrong and oh-” he bit his lower lip “I’d love to.”

“I’m not that special, anyway.”

It was his turn to scoff as he placed a hand over yours “Sweetheart, if only you could see what I do.” he whispered and you let him take a full hold of both your hands in his, bring them up to his lips for a soft kiss on the knuckles. His eyes held such intensity that you didn’t care that the towel fell down on your feet, which made a soft smile form on his lips. His eyes trailed down and despite how your face was bright red you made no move to hide yourself from his intense gaze.

“Gorgeous” he whispered, looking up in your eyes again with a tender smile and you chewed on your lower lip, shaking your head; making him give you a firm look “Don’t make me do it.”

“You wouldn’t want to-”

“God, you have no idea how bad I just really want to kiss you right now.” he breathed out in a hoarse voice and your eyebrows raised softly in innocence.

“Then… why won’t you? You-” you bit your lower lip “You pulled away too soon this morning, I really wished you would do it again. Despite what I said.”

A boyish grin formed on his lips “Damn” he breathed out in awe “You’re amazing.” and with that, he cupped your face and pressed his lips hard against yours and eliciting a soft trembling breath from you. You hesitated at first but your arms trailed up his chest and wrapped around his neck, letting your bodies press close together and when he wrapped a hand around your bare waist you shivered under his touch.

You took the courage to start kissing back harder, licking his lower lip and he gladly granted you access. His tongue toyed with yours as his full lips moved against yours. You were temped to bit them and you realized you actually did when you heard him moan softly. Dean’s hand moved to your thigh and as he pressed you against the wall he brought it up to wrap around his waist, his hips pushing yours back as a response to you grinding on him.

Dean licked your lips, savoring the sweet taste that he didn’t have the mind to savor the first time. He moaned in pleasure when threaded your fingers through his hair and tugged at it. He held both your thighs as you wrapped your legs around his waist, lifting you off the ground and carrying you on the bed, all the while your lips not pulling apart for a second. He layed you on the mattress, his body pressing softly on top of you as his hands held your hips.

“I’ve dreamed about you.” he whispered roughly in between the kisses “Wanted you. Ever since we first met, I was a gonner. Don’t know how you did it but _damn_ you got me sweetheart.” he mumbled against your skin as he licked and sucked on your neck now, he chuckled softly “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“It’s easy to understand-” the voice was a low whisper “You simply cannot resist me.” but with those words it was crystal clear… it wasn’t yours. No just by the words that would actually never leave your beautiful lips but also because the voice was 100% not yours.

As if electricity shot right through him, Dean’s eyes snapped wide open and he pulled away faster than he ever had in his life. He stared with wide eyes as she casually rested her weight on the bed on her elbows, tilting her head softly and raising an eyebrow softly. Dean shook his head furiously, his breath having caught in his lungs and his eyes wide.

“No, no it’s impossible.” he said in a gruff voice “No! (Y/n)-”

“Is it?” she breathed out “It doesn’t seem like it to me. After all-” she shrugged “No matter how much you want to…” she got serious, dangerously so “You can’t escape me. And neither will she.”

_Dean awoke with a jolt, his eyes wide and his chest heaving as he tried to get as much air as possible in his lungs. His heart hammered inside his chest, painfully so, as if it wanted to break out of his ribcage and he clenched the blankets firmly in his fists. His eyes roamed around the room, trying to convince himself it was only a dream but it just had been far too real. Trembling he fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes before dragging a hand down his face._

_He clenched his jaw as the fear started creeping up his chest because he was fully aware that it sadly wasn’t just a nightmare but a promise. Directly said by her or not, it was the bitter and very scary truth. And Dean knew he **had** to do something about it, before you got hurt beyond repair._

~The following morning~

“No, Cas, I can’t just fucking wait!” Dean growled, pacing around in his room “He can’t have just disappeared like that, we’re a small town for fuck’s sake.” he grumbled, listening to his friend on the other end “Tell your brother to get his shit together or so help me! I-” he took a deep breath, lowering his voice when he realized he could wake you up “I want him to have news on him by the end of the day, got it?” he ended the call with a frustrated sigh, dragging a hand down his face.

He turned around to make his way to the door but stopped dead on his tracks when he saw you resting your weight against the doorframe “So… disappeared huh?” you whispered in a hoarse voice.

“Did I wake you up?” he whispered with a frown but you shook your head.

“No, I couldn’t sleep much anyway. I just heard you talking and I- I got a little worried… No luck huh?”

Trying to swallow the lump in his throat he tore his eyes away from your form and nodded his head “I texted him last night but got no reply and when I tried to track his phone it didn’t lead anywhere. I called Cas just in case but… nobody’s seen Chuck ever since last morning.”

“Of course.” you pursed your lips, nodding your head sadly as you looked down at your feet “Figures. Every man sooner or later leaves me anyway.” you laugh humorlessly and he clenched his jaw, glaring at you.

“Don’t say that.” he was completely serious.

You shook your head with a smile “It’s alright, Dean, honest. I’m just- Worried we are not going to get an end to this, that’s all.”

“Sweetheart” he sighed, striding to you and placing two hands on your shoulders “I’m going to end this, I promise you, no matter what it takes I am going to save you. Even if I have to go through hell, I don’t care what it takes, I won’t let her close to you again.”

You gave him a weak smile “I know you will, I don’t doubt that anymore.”

“Good and-” he took a deep breath “Just so you know… I never would.”

You frowned at him for a second before realization down on you and you looked at your feet with a sheepish smile “I suppose.” you mumbled, missing the hurt look that flashed through his eyes at your disbelief “But something else, more important, take your time. Just- take your time, ok? Don’t… lose your sleep over this, my knight in shining armor needs the rest after all.”

He wanted to smile but his heart felt too heavy inside his chest “You heard me, didn’t you?”

You sighed, looking down at your feet “I had gone for a glass of water and I- I accidentally heard you, yeah. I know that nightmares can be really tough sometimes and I- I just-” you pursed your lips, shrugging “How bad was it?”

“Nothing I can’t handle. You don’t have to do this to yourself.”

“But it still doesn’t change the fact that I am the reason behind it. Dean-” you sighed “I can understand that you want to help me, and I’m… really happy about it. I’ve had my doubts and I won’t lie I still do up to some point, but you gotta take care of yourself as well. If you don’t then, as much as the feminist in me hates it, we’re both screwed.”

“Alright.” he nodded his head “Alright, I hear you… I’ll try my best.”

“Not what I wanted to hear but I guess I’ll take that.” you nodded your head “Ok detective, let’s put that aside for now and focus on more important topics. After all, when it doubt. Eat!”

A chuckle inevitably left his lips, as he shook his head with a fond smile “Woman of my heart.”

“If you have anything in mind, we could cook and-”

“Yeah about that.” he cut you off, his smile falling “I need to be at the station in less than 30 minutes, so I’m afraid there won’t be any time for that. But on the bright side-” he smirked “You’ll get to see me in action.”

“That… can have a double meaning.”

~8 hours later~

“All I asked for was some safety, some security, have you close again to feel alright.” you huffed, closing your eyes and wanting to rub your temple but it was actually impossible in your current position “This is not what I bargained for.”

“Sweetheart-” his voice came slightly restrained as well, and the movement of his hips against yours got a groan from you “Trust me, if I could have it any other way I would gladly take the option.”

“Would you now?” your said slightly out of breath, the smirk evident in your voice and Dean grinned on his own.

“Hmh” he licked his lips “No, no actually I wouldn’t.” and him shifting made you bite your lip.

“Detective” your voice came out equally strained “Not that I don’t like the position we’re in right now, cause oh trust me I do.”

“Really huh?” the smugness in his voice made you glare at him.

“Dean” you hissed his name but couldn’t fight a moan when his hands squeezed your hips.

“Sorry, just kinda got distracted. Tryin’ to realize this is not a dream is kinda _hard_.” he gave you a chuckle that died out too soon but you actually laughed, letting your head fall on his shoulder.

“There better be no pun intended, detective. And speaking of which-” you bit your lower lip “Please tell me that is your gun.”

A small pause followed and Dean didn’t give you even a small laugh before he whispered in a husky voice that made shivers run down your spine “And… what if it’s not?”


	11. Chapter 11

~8 hours ago~

“God knows I needed this.” you moaned softly when you took a sip of your coffee and the man on the driver’s seat gave you a soft grin “Hey, are you- are you gonna eat that?” you asked shyly as you pointed to the box holding one last donut sitting between the two of you.

He shook his head with an adoring smile “Nah it’s all yours, sweetheart.”

No sooner had he finished his sentence than you caught yourself taking hold of the donut and with a very bright smile, taking a bite out of it. Your eyes fluttered shut for a moment in pleasure “Seriously-” you spoke mouth still almost full “I don’t know how you found that place, Winchester, but I swear this straight out heaven!”

“Perks of the job.” he chuckled, his eyes roaming your face as he stared at you with a fond smile. He reached out and wiped out some frosting from the corner of your mouth but he froze in his place when he realized what he was doing. Your wide innocent eyes met his as you looked at him in surprise and in that moment he swore he was a goner because of how insanely beautiful he found you even more with your cheeks puffed out because of the food.

You looked away from him and he took notice of the blush creeping up your cheeks “It’s green.” you mumbled and he cleared his throat, not saying a word but rather pressing on the petal to put the car to move.

It didn’t take long for you to reach the police station but from the way his brows furrowed you couldn’t help but get worried and ask “What is it?”

“Uh” he blinked, glancing at you “I don’t know yet. We’ll see, come on.” and you didn’t need him to say it twice before you opened the passenger’s door and followed him. He was impatient to talk to the younger man that was apparently waiting for him but he was also not willing to leave your side so he waited until you could catch up with him. He placed an arm around your waist and, trying not to pay too much attention to the way you felt when his skin came in contact with yours when his fingers brushed past your shirt, you followed him towards the police station and the man you thought looked familiar but couldn’t pinpoint exactly where.

“Hey, kid.” althought Dean’s voice gave out some of the exhaustion he felt, he still held some warmth in his eyes for the man in front of you “Thought you were still busy with that case you’d taken up, I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Yes, but Castiel said this is very important and you needed all the help you could get. And I didn’t want to be away when I could actually do something to be of use.”

“Yeah, well-” Dean offered him a tired smile “Your old man’s not all that wrong, we need all hands on deck. So thank you for coming, kiddo.”

“Don’t mention it.” he shook his head with a sincere smile “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew I could help you save… the woman of your life from such a dangerous criminal and not do something about it.” the words sounded so simple and easy on the man’s lips but they were anything but that to Dean who choked on thin air. You on the other hand couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow and give him a perplexed smile.

“What?” you breathed out a small laugh and he nodded his head.

“Yes” he nodded his head with a smile “The woman he loves… Or at least it seems like it. The Winchesters have a hard time saying it, Dean calls it the ‘L’ word for a reason I don’t understand.” he whispered to you before speaking normallyagain “But he always uses it to refer to her.” he shrugged slightly “I don’t know much but I am sure it is because he cares a lot about her. Do you know her? He can’t…” the young man frowned, squinting when Dean made frantic hand motions and expressions to stop him “Stop… _talking_ about her. Sam says it’s because he’s fallen hard for her but I- I don’t see any injures so that… confuses me a little bit.” his eyes trailed down for a moment as he frowned, but then looked back up at you with those same big innocent eyes “She- she’s unfortunately in great danger, you see, because of a very dangerouswoman called-”

“Jack. Jack!” Dean nearly exclaimed so loud everyone around heard. He cleared his throat and as you were trying very hard to hide the smile from your lips you took notice of how the top of his ears got a little more red “I think that’s enough, Jack. I’m pretty sure she’s very much filled in on her case.”

“Oh you mean-” he blinked, eyebrows raised in surprise as Dean grumpily mumbled a response.

“Yes” he mumbled, obviously thinking he could have avoided the embarrassment “Jack, this is (Y/n). (Y/n), this is Jack, Castiel’s son.”

“Hello!” he said cheerfully and you grinned in the end, giggling softly “It is so good to meet you! Dean has told me so much about you, I couldn’t wait to meet you myself!”

“Nice to meet you Jack, it’s a pleasure _for sure!_” you glanced at Dean who was awkwardly looking away from you “I didn’t know Cas had a son.”

“Well, adopted but- family is family.” he shrugged and you nodded your head with a smile.

“That it definitely is. And let me tell you one thing: you are certainly just like your father. _Amazing_ at embarrassing Dean in the greatest way possible.” you said with a smirk.

“Thank you!” he said ever-so-cheerfully “Although… I- I wasn’t really planning for that. I was and am being honest when I say-”

“_Alright_!” Dean piped in “I say we go inside right now before things become any worse, and you and I will have a talk later kid.”

“Oh sure! Follow me, we have some really important news on your case you wouldn’t believe!” he said and you both did as told. This time with Dean avoiding eye-contact a little more than he should and you didn’t blame him, in fact you caught yourself smiling more than you had in days.

“Do you think you can wait here?” was what he said when he finally met your eyes “I want to take you with me but- that office is only for authorized stuff and you know I don’t give a shit about what they say but we-”

“Have enough on our plate as it is.” you completed his sentence “Yeah, I get it. Don’t worry I’ll just wait here. Hope we have good news.” you reassured him with a soft smile and with a sigh he nodded his head.

“I’ll be back soon.” he whispered, hesitating for a split second before kissing your temple and in fact it shocked you more than it should have any other time. Not just because of what Jack had said but before you were standing nearly in the middle of the police station and you had more than a good amount of eyes staring at you. After what happened last time there was no way they would have forgotten you that easily.

“Kate’s gonna take care of you. Don’t be shy, yeah? Ask her anything you want.” you gave him a small nod and giving your hand a squeeze, he turned to give a small nod to his assistant as if to remind her what she had to do and off he went.

“Would you like anything to drink, Miss (Y/l/n)?” she didn’t hesitate a minute to ask but you shook your head.

“No, no I’m fine. I just- Maybe some water? I need to take a painkiller for my foot, that’s all.” you mumbled and she gave you an eager nod, ready to do what you asked her to.

You chewed on your lower lip as you looked around and indeed yu spotted many eyes on you that looked the other way when you spotted them. You could sort of sense it from the first moment you entered the police station by Dean’s side. Your friend’s words would echo in your head and as you took notice of the way some women scoffed when they looked at you, you couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. You looked down at your hands as you shifted in your seat, wishing you could somehow disappear so that you wouldn’t have to deal with their looks. It somehow reminded you that no matter how Dean treated you, you were nothing but another victim for an important case, not his girlfriend and not his wife – sadly, you thought – to ask, much less demand, for anything in here.

“Don’t mind them, yes?” a soft voice said next to you and looking up you meet Kate’s eyes as she hands you a glass of water “They’re just jealous, that’s all.” she shrugs and you offer her a shy smile.

“Not that they have a reason to, though.” you mumbled, fetching your meds from your jacket to swallow a pill very eagerly.

“Are you kidding me?” she scoffs a laugh “Have you seen the way that man looks at you? Dean Winchester is the world’s biggest flirt I’ve ever known, he can have any woman he wants any freaking moment he wants to, yet when you’re in the room, heck even mentioned, it’s like everything else around him disappears.” she giggled as you chewed on your lower lip. You didn’t want to believe her words but deep down you couldn’t help the flutter of your heart.

“I’m sure it’s just your idea.” you played with your finger awkwardly.

“Just my idea? Do you even remember what happened last time you were here? He went all protective Alpha mode in a split second! And let’s not mention how he nearly fired half the police station when you had that argument. Domestic much, already?” she grinned as you breathed out a nervous laugh.

“We’re not-” you shook your head “We’re only friends, that’s all. He’s taking care of my case but still, that doesn’t mean we’re-”

“Sure, sure try to tell that to yourself.” she rolled her eyes with a playful smile “But let me point out that you don’t sound that convincing. And I’m not the only one that’s noticed that. In fact-” she looked around “They all have, and that’s why they’re looking at you like this. They _wish_ they were in your place but they can never be. So the only thing they can do is hate on you, because you’re far up above them as well. Dean sees that, I think that’s why he’s all smitten with you too.”

“So…” you bit on your lip “Are you saying I just… what? Get used to it?” you wanted to deny that Dean wasn’t really by your side in that way but you couldn’t find it in you.

“Heck yeah, girl! It’s not like he has eyes for anyone else, anyway. And even more-” she leaned in with a smirk “Show them who that man belongs to! Mark you territory, if you get what I mean.” she winked and giggled, and you couldn’t help a laugh yourself.

“Well… might as well!”

~*~

“Get up, we’re leaving.” Dean says in a hurry as he strides in your direction. Your laughing with Kate is cut short and you frown when you look at him.

“W-wait- wh-what happened?” you breathed out in worry, getting up to met his eyes. You didn’t need to walk that far away before you felt his arm around your waist supporting you… on one hand, on the other it was a little too protective and it felt like he was making a point by being close but you didn’t have the mind for that at the moment.

“We need to hurry, I’ll fill you in in the car. Kate-” he turned to face her “Reschedule any meetings and write down any phone calls or messages. I’ll call you in every morning to check up on what’s going.”

“Y-yes, of course but… where will you be if not here, detective?” she questioned and he turned to look at you that were equally eagerly waiting for an answer and he breathes out something that scares you more than it should.

“Far away.”

~*~

“You know, I understand that you said you’d fill me in, but a bossy 'Pack some clothes, we’re leaving.’ is not that detailed.” a small huff escaped your lips as you followed him outside the Impala. After a long six-hour drive to God-knows-where you needed desperately to stretch your legs. But when you spotted the motel in front of you, your mind couldn’t stop racing with thoughts.

“What?” he looked up from Baby’s trunk “I thought you liked bossy?” he smirked and you rolled your eyes, still with a fond smile.

“My preferences in bed are none of your business, detective. But-” you took hold of your duffel bag that he was ready to carry, leaning closer to him with a smirk “If they were, you’d be surprised what this little sub could do to a tough dom like you. So much… you’d question if you’re a dom in the first place.” you winked, and before he could say another word you turned around to make your way to the motel you were apparently heading to.

“This woman.” he breathed out in awe, shaking his head with a soft chuckle.

He grabbed his own bag and followed after you, not hard to catch up with you, and spoke “We’re gonna be staying here for a couple days.”

“A couple days?”

“More or less. Depending on how long it takes us to find him.” he pushed the door open for you “Cas said they’ve gotten sight of him around here, he’s trying to stay under the radar but Jack caught sight of him when hacking in one of the cameras around this place for a case of his own. We can’t lose sight of him again which is why we’re here. Thankfully enough the town is small so starting by tomorrow I can cover up lots of ground by questioning the locals.

“All alone?” you questioned and he paused for a moment, worry showing on his face before he gave you a slow nod.

“Strictly. He’s not just the one that will be able to explain all of this but also…”

“Give us a solution.” you nodded your head softly as you approached the reception “But it’s not just that, is it? The reason why we’re here. I noticed you’ve been more quite than usual, even from me, in a world of your own if I might say. So it must be serious.” you asked softly, raising an eyebrow and he gave you a fond smile for a moment; his eyes lingering on your face.

“You gotta stop doing that you know.” he whispered “Reading me like an open book, it ain’t makin’ it easy for me to hide how I feel for you _from_ you.”

“Well, there are always things I can’t read in you as we both know.” you mumbled a little bitterly and when you saw his face fall you felt a pang in your chest “’M sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, I-” he licked his lips “You’re right.” he cleared his throat and despite how much you wanted to take it back and tell me you could begin to understand it was hard on him as well but didn’t get the chance to “Anyway, you were right about it. There is more to it, things that I… I didn’t tell you and I probably should have, from the first moment.”

“Things… like?” but you didn’t get an answer as the receptionist appeared behind the desk with a cheerful smile.

“Hello! How can I help you?” she was talking to the both of you but her eyes were shamelessly only on Dean and for that moment you completely forgot what you were talking about.

“Uh yeah a room would be nice.” he handed her his credit card and ID “For two of course.”

“Sure thing… Mr Ackles.” she read, winking at him; turning to grab a key “Two doubles is nice?”

“One” you nearly hissed “Doesn’t matter the size, we’re gonna end up a tangled mess anyway and it’s not meant for sleep.” you gave her a small smirk that was by no means friendly. She blinked a little in surprise, her smile vanishing, as she nodded her head and took another key.

“Sure, Miss. Room 221B, second floor.” she mumbled and you took the key with a smile.

“Thank you very much!” you said cheerfully “Oh and it’s Mrs.” you corrected her “Ackles.” it was very satisfying to see the look on her face at the moment, especially as you turned to Dean.

“Shall we, baby?” you asked him and with a soft chuckle and a grin he couldn’t contain as he followed right after you to the elevator.

“Mrs Ackles, really?” he raised an eyebrow and you shrugged, not even looking at him.

“The less suspicious we seem, the better. Who the heck would suspect a couple that just wants to have some time for each other? Nobody.”

“Hmh but for a moment I could swear you were… enjoying it?”

You looked at him from the corner of your eyes and scoffed “You’d wish.” but you didn’t seem that convincing to him because he was still grinning from ear to ear as you two exited the elevator and started making your way to your room.

“Only… one question.” he bit his lower lip as he opened the door to the room “Did you you really think about it when youasked fo another room or…?”

“Oh fuck me.” you groaned when realization set down on as you took notice of the only double bed sitting in the middle of the room.

~*~

“Gosh I could so use a shower right now.” you mumbled, coming out of the bathroom, rubbing your eyes “How would you do that all the time, Dean? I got so sore in like that first hour. The only good thing about it was the pie and burgers.”

“You get used to it at some point, I don’t expect it to be easy for you.” he shrugged “But you gotta admit, I’m pretty awesome at getting amazing fast food.”

“Amongst many other things, I’ll agree.” you gave him a soft smile and he smiled to himself ass well “Ho… what’s the word?” you asked and sat down on the bed.

He looked up from his computer for a second, letting out a heavy sigh before shutting it closed “Unfortunately not much. I called Sam, contacted Cas and Jack to see what else they can find. They’re gonna be joining us anytime now but until then… we swing with it on our own.”

“That’s good then… right? Get all the help we can find I mean.” you spoke softly and he hummed absent minded, more like in a world of his own so you tried your best to get him to speak more.

“Especially with Jack, I mean.” that got his attention because he raised an eyebrow at you, and you smirked “He’s a great guy! I mean, certainly sweet but even more funny.”

“Forget it.” he grumbled after a small pause and you giggled “No! Nope, not even a word! Zip it!”

“I- I didn’t say anything about it!” you raised your hands in surrender “But I mean, if I was going to, I’d say that Jack cluelessly calling out on your-”

“Aha!” he pointed a finger at you, cutting you off.

“Alright alright. I just-” you cleared your throat, looking down at your hands “Think… you look pretty cute blushing, that is all.” you bit your lower lip, playing with the end of your flannel but looked at him through your lashes.

He groaned, throwing his head back “(Y/n)!”

“Fine fine.” you snickered “As long as… you promise to relax a little bit.” your look softened “You’re real tense, D. And I know- I know that what we’re dealing with here is serious but… we’re safe at least for the moment. _I_ am. Isn’t that enough?”

“Yeah, no that is very important.” he whispered, his eyes boring into yours “It’s better if we just sit now and the only thing we do is wait for a word from any of the two siblings.”

You bit on your lower lip, your eyes casting down “It was about Amara, wasn’t it?” you whispered softly, referring to what he had not had the chance to say earlier.

He got up from his chair with a soft sigh, loosening his tie even more out of habit “Cas found a letter waiting on my desk this morning.” he approached you, sitting next to you “It was from her. She-” he ran a hand down his face “She knows that you’re living with me, (Y/n).”

A gasp left your lips “H-how did she find out?”

“I- I honestly don’t know. I’m- I can only think that she…” he trailed off, clenching his jaw “She must have come to my place and saw you there.”

“Bu-but she’s pissed off with me. Why would she be at your place when…” you trailed off when you saw the man avoided looking you in the eyes, making realization down on you “Oh” you breathed out, because although you didn’t know about the history between the two of them you still felt like it had to do with it.

“Yeah” he licked his lips “In the letter she- she said she was coming for you and I wouldn’t be able to save you, not this time. That’s- that’s mostly why I wanted us to leave immediately.”

“So we’re not just looking for Chuck… we’re also hiding.” you concluded and he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“I’m not- it’s not what I do. It’s not my thing to run. Whenever I’ve had the chance to, I’ve stood my ground and faced her but right now I- I don’t have just me to think about and that’s what scares me even more.” he turned his head to face you “(Y/n), I know you’re gonna say I’m being paranoid but unless it’s not urgent I would like you to not leave this room. Especially without me knowing or being by your side.”

“If it was any other case I would have objected or reacted but-” you gave him a weak nod “I know you’re right and I will try my best not to risk it. Especially after what happened last time at my place, I promise you.”

“Good. Good.” he let a sigh of relief, taking hold of your hand and giving it a squeeze “How-” he cleared his throat, getting up on his feet “I know we’re hiding but I spotted a cute very secluded restaurant downstairs, near the reception that nobody will even see us there. What do you think? Considering we won’t be getting out much otherwise.” he tried to offer you a smile but it showed how tired he was.

You returned it to lighten the mood “Why don’t you just ask me out already huh?” you managed to get a soft chuckle out of him and that was enough at the moment.

“I try to but-” he licked his dry lips “I trip over my words when I see you.”

“Alright, you smooth asshole.” you laughed breathlessly and felt your cheeks heat up “I was just kidding. And yes…” you breathed out, fixing his tie back in place as his eyes followed your every move “I would very much like that, Dean.”

~*~

“Do you think it’s gonna be easy to interview locals when we should be hiding?” you ask gently, walking by his side with your arms wrapped around you holding his coat over your shoulders. You were in such a rush you had forgotten to take a thicker jacket with you but now you were almost thankful to yourself for that because if you were to be addicted to a scent that was definitely going to be Dean’s.

“Easy? No, by no means.” he shook his head “But at least I will try to be careful. I mean we have some time before she tracks us down, and yes she will, so we gotta use that to our advantage as long as we have the chance to.”

You let out a heavy sigh, closing your eyes for a minute as you waited for the elevator to arrive “And… what if she does before we’re prepared for it? What will happen if she- if she finds you? I- I don’t want to have to go through that too, I don’t think I can take it if you-” you stopped yourself, taking in a shaky breath.

“No, (Y/n), hey, look at me.” he placed his hands on your shoulders “Listen, I know we’re under a lot of pressure here but I need you to keep faith, I need you to keep swinging… for the both of us, sweetheart. I’m gonna be as careful as I can beand I’m not gonna let her have it her way this time. She’s not going to do anything to me, no matter how much I hate to say it.” he sighed “But you need to hold on and keep giving me that gorgeous smile every chance you can to keep me going. Don’t lose any sleep over it, that’s my job here, to keep you safe.”

“It’s not your job to-”

“But it is what I want to do.” he whispered, cutting you off, and tucking few strands behind your ear gently; and the only thing you could do was look down with a shy smile. He was ready to speak but something else caught his attention. You saw him narrow his eyes and take a few steps towards the direction you’d come from.

“Wha-” you blinked, following after him “Dean? Dean where are you-” you started but he shushed you by placing a finger over his lips.

“Follow me and don’t make a sound.” he whispered to you and you did as told without realizing what he was really after. The entire hotel seemed like a maze so the only thing you did was follow him without having any idea where you were going. Only when you heard the sound of footstep behind you and felt Dean’s hand tugging at you did you realize you were after a person.

“Dean, what are you-” you started but he placed a hand over your mouth as after some running he opened a door and pushed the two of you inside. You didn’t question him and even if you couldn’t see him in the utter darkness of the small closet you held your breath as well when you heard the footstep approaching. You had only been able to catch a glimpse of the man before Dean hid the both of you inside the closet. You were holding your breath not just because of the man outside, though, but even more so the man you were currently pressed against in the darkness.

You didn’t even swallow for fear that it would make things worse than they already were. Not that your mind wandering to how wonderful it felt to have him pressed against you along with how well your every curve fit with his, was making it any easy.

Dean made one single move of his hips and a gasp left your lips as your eyes widened. There really wasn’t any space as it was but with the big man pressed against you it just wasn a thousand times harder to be in there. But you had to.

“Sorry” he whispered and you sighed, shaking your head.

“Doesn’t matter. Do you know him?” you whispered back and he hummed.

“Yes, very well at that. He’s just what I needed this moment. But first-” he tried to swallow the lump in his throat “We gotta… wait until he’s gone.”

“Oh o-ok.” you cleared your throat, feeling your face heat up dangerously. But with Dean Winchester pressed against you in such an intimate way you felt as if seconds turned into hours and were growing impatient.

“All I asked for was some safety, some security and… to have you close again to feel alright.” you huffed, closing your eyes and wanting to rub your temple but it was actually impossible in your current position “This is not what I bargained for.”

“Sweetheart-” his voice came slightly restrained as well, and the movement of his hips against yours got a groan from you “Trust me, if I could have it any other way I would gladly take the option.”

“Would you now?” your said slightly out of breath, the smirk evident in your voice and Dean grinned on his own “And can you stay in one fucking place, please? He’ll hear you.”

“Hmh elevator’s taking too long for your own good?” he licked his lips “And no, no actually I wouldn’t.” and him shifting made you bite your lip.

“Detective” your voice came out equally strained “Not that I don’t like the position we’re in right now, cause oh trust me I do.”

“Really huh?” the smugness in his voice made you glare at him.

“Dean” you hissed his name but couldn’t fight a moan when his hands squeezed your hips.

“Sorry, just kinda got distracted. Tryin’ to realize this is not a dream is kinda hard.” he gave you a chuckle that died out too soon but you actually laughed, letting your head fall on his shoulder.

“There better be no pun intended, detective. And speaking of which-” you bit your lower lip “Please tell me that is your gun.”

A small pause followed and Dean didn’t give you even a small laugh before he whispered in a husky voice that made shivers run down your spine “And… what if it’s not?”

A squeak left your lips, perfectly timed with the sound of the elevator’s door clicking open and just as you were ready to exclaim Dean’s name, he placed a hand over your mouth. When you were sure he was gone you pushed the man and along with him the door burst open. You took a deep breath when you were out of that suffocating small room and even more importantly not pressed tightly against the green-eyed detective.

You were surprised when you saw a full grin on his face and heard his laugh, even if he was laughed at your flustered state, flushed face and surprised expression “Very funny. What are you, five?” you placed your hands on your hips.

“Sweetheart, you were the one that asked.” he winked “And just to reassure you, yes I always keep my gun close with me. Not that it would be that hard with you pressed against me in that way.” he shrugged with a cheeky grin, actually preparing his gun and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Alright, spill. What just happened? You were all serious and worried up until five minutes ago, you freaked out over that guy not seeing us and now you’re all happy go lucky. Who- who was that Dean?”

“The lead I needed.”

“Lead to-”

“Chuck.” he breathed out in a haste “Metatron is- he can lead us straight to him. And I’ve gotta follow him. Sweetheart, dinner’s cancelled but I’ll make it up to you with candles next time.” he winked and before you could question him on how this man could be connected to Chuck – you were also more relieved to know he was in town and you’d found a lead so soon – he spoke up “Go back in the room, tell Sam where I am and contact me in case something happens. Even if you hear a single sound, yes? Don’t forget to lock. And I’ll brig food when I come back, promise.”

“I- I ye-”

“I’ll text every 15 minutes to check in with you. Gotta go, be careful.”

“Ye-yeah take ca-” you didn’t even so get finish your sentence because he cut you off… in the most unpredictable way ever.

You knew it was probably supposed to be a reassuring kiss, just like all the ones he’d given you times and times before that either on the temple or on the cheek. But this time his lips didn’t press on your cheek. You knew it was partly because of the rush, because he hurried down the stairs without even realizing what he’d done, but you couldn’t help but think that just because of the rush he had let more of his feelings pour into the action. He had not kissed your cheek, temple or forehead but the corner of your lips, and that was so different from any other time. You were left stunned in your place, staring with wide eyes and burning cheeks in the direction he left.

“Oh dear” you whispered, wondering what else could happen while you shared a motel room and a bed with the older Winchester.


	12. Chapter 12

“He hasn’t come back yet?” Sam’s voice on the computer made you look up from your phone and you shook your head.

“No, and it’s already very late.” you glanced out of the window to see that indeed the darkness had set in for good “He keeps checking in every 15 minutes but I-” you stopped yourself, biting your lower lip and the younger Winchester gave you a soft knowing smile.

“Can’t help but worry for the rest of the 14.95 minutes about him.” he nodded his head at his own words and you huffed, looking down at your hands.

“Stop that.” you grumbled and he grinned.

“Stop what?” he raised an eyebrow.

“That. You act like you know everything about my feelings because they- they are obvious like a neon sign in the darkness to the entire world _but_ your brother.” you pursed your lips like a little kid when you heard your best friend laugh with you.

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say but-” he shrugged with a fond smile “It is kinda true. Dean wouldn’t realize it even if a truck him right in the face. I can’t even count the times I’ve had to third-weel for the two of you and all of that flirting still has not led to a date.” he shook his head, leaning back in his seat.

“Speaking of which-” you chewed on your lip, glancing once more at your phone “I uh I met… Jack this morning and he said some things about Dean that got me thinking.”

“And had you feeling a certain kind of way too, maybe?” he smirked and you glared at him as hard as you could master “I know Jack very well to not even ask what he’s spilled.” his smile got softer, no longer teasing you “But if you ask me (Y/n)… you shouldn’t put your whole life on hold because you- you assume things are just happening in your mind. You-you don’t have a reason to hide it anymore or to forever wait hopelessly in love with the man to tell him what you feel.”

“You say this as if I even have a chance with him, Sam.” you scoffed, trying not to let your hopes get up.

“And you say this as if you don’t!” he looked at you in disbelief “(Y/n), he kissed you just two days ago! You told me that yourself, how can you forget that?”

“Yes because I was having a panic attack and he didn’t know how to get me back to my senses but that was all!” you couldn’t help but feel your heart drop at the thought “I- We talked about it Sam, that very night. He didn’t- he said there were no feelings behind it, only him doing his job. He made it clear it meant nothing. So there, I don’t think there is much of a chance after all.”

“Wh-what?” he blinked, eyebrows raised in surprise “That idiot, what was he- No, (Y/n), you gotta hear me out! I know my brother, and trust me when he is with you or- or even talks about you it’s so much more different than it is with any other woman! Do you think he’d go to such extents to protect you if you weren’t that important to him?”

“As a friend, probably! Family even, but let’s be honest Sam, if he really wanted something more he’d- he’d have made a move or at least told me something.” you shook your head “Flirting is- it’s what Dean does and even if he wants a casual night with me I’m- I’m not up for it. I want something serious and he doesn’t, he never does. I don’t blame him but I can’t keep waiting or trying for something that will just never happen. I- I know I could try but gosh Sam I’ve hurt enough as it is with the entire case, both physically and mentally, and my heart is or most part in one piece.” you rambled as all your friend could do was stare at you with wide eyes.

You were trying so desperately to convince yourself, though, because sadly Sam wasn’t saying it clearly how Dean felt (you partially understood it wasn’t his job to) but you were growing impatient at the same time when thinking about that almost-kiss and what it could mean.

“You-” he let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair “You two are seriously the world’s biggest idiots!”

“Why would you say-” before you could fully question him though your phone buzzed and you didn’t even have the chance to blink before you reached fast for the device to read Dean’s message.

You heard Sam scoff and mumble to himself something that sounded like “Not in love my ass.” but you didn’t question it.

“He- wow.” you breathed out with wide eyes “He found him, Sam! He- Chuck’s in town and he will be for a couple days, he says he’s sent you the adress?”

“Yeah, I got it. I’m not far away… what is it?” he question with a frown when he heard you snicker.

“Oh uh nothing, it’s just-” you giggled “He says he’s in desperate need of lots and lots of beers right now to forget the 60-year-old woman he had to hit on.”

Sam rolled his eyes “Why did I even ask? Anyway- Tell him it’s better if he returns immediately to your motel room, the less he’s out there, the better. It won’t take me long to get there and I’ll keep an eye out all the time.”

“Alright then, please drive safe.” you whispered and he gave you a nod and warm smile.

“Will do.” he nodded his head “And for the love of, (Y/n), just listen to me for once.”

“Sam” you sighed softly but he gave you a stern look.

“I’m _serious_. I’m sick and tired of you two pinned over each other and crushing harder than a pair of 12-year-olds and I swear if I see you _doubt _what he feels about you once more, I’m going to lock you in a room until you’ve figured it out! Hell, even Jack knows and you keep refusing it’s a thing but I swear to you, I’m going to keep up my promise if you so much as dare to deny it once more!”

“O-ok I’ll think about it. I will, I _promise_!” you nearly raised your arms in surrender. Fed-up Sam was the most scary Sam you had seen so far.

“You better.” were the last words he breathed out to you before you were left in silence. You still weren’t sure about Sam taking Dean’s place on keeping an eye out for Chuck, in case he left his motel, because it wouldn’t make much of difference if Amara found any Winchester in the town, she’d instantly know you were all there.

But some selfish part of you worried about Dean’s well-being a little more, not to mention him catching some shut eye. You’d heard more than plenty from his nightmare the previous night, along with all of the pacing he’d done, and in more than a few messages he hinted that he felt worn out. That, along with the nagging feeling you had ever since that peck made you want him to get back as soon as possible to test the waters of… whatever relationship you had going on.

“_As if you didn’t enjoy it! ;)”_ you typed the reply and with a sigh got up from the chair to make your way to the bathroom. You wished that after a relaxing bath everything would be calm, at least for one night, and you could get the chance to relax and… hopefully forget about the outside world with Dean. Hopefully.

~*~

Walking into the motel room an involuntary sigh escaped Dean’s lips. He placed the plastic bags on the sole table in the room and his eyes did a once over of the entire place in search of your figure. For a second he tensed up when he didn’t see you around, he took a few long strides and frantically almost now looked around. It wasn’t until he heard some shuffling come from the door to his left that he realized he had not thought of the most obvious of all.

Taking a step towards the bathroom he only found himself freezing in his tracks. He knew he should have immediately turned around and pretended he had not seen a thing but his body refused to listen to whatever logical part of his brain was left anymore. For some reason he was reminded of his dream not too long ago and he felt even more compelled to stand there.

The door was slightly ajar, letting him have just the right view inside the bathroom were you had just started getting dressed after a shower. While it was comforting that you were just fine, it wasn’t comforting to realize the kind of effect you had on him.

He felt like some sort of weirdo, a creep like the kid he’d caught looking at you through the window of your room all that time ago, but at least in his defence he didn’t get off on it or made a habit out of it, not to mention that he knew you. Plus, he didn’t do it on purpose. He had only stumbled upon it and he just couldn’t pull away from you. But that was a fact from the very beginning: Being so drawn to you. The attraction first to your appearance and very soon to your character had been undeniable from the first moment and if things were different he’d already have taken you out on more than plenty of dates, if you had said yes that is. It didn’t help at all that he had spent so much time thinking about the kiss you had shared not so many hours ago or that almost kiss previously the same day, practically had his mind consumed with you.

All in all, it was different – well, he couldn’t lie to himself – he was in love with you and he hoped and wished that you felt the same even in the least bit.

He watched the drops of water slide down from your still wet hair to your bare back he felt like he ran out of breath. His eyes watched the way your muscles flexed as you patted your body with a towel, trying to dry most of the water. You were standing all but naked, save for the pair of panties you had on, and he would be lying if he said his eyes didn’t skip over your every curve and edge once or twice so that he could take everything in and remember it. He was so tempted to just push the door open and help you, no matter the form or direction that ended up going to. He almost felt his fingertips tingle with the need to touch you.

He was so caught up between admiring you and trying to understand the plethora of emotions swimming through his body that he didn’t even realize it when you managed to put on a pair of pants and a shirt and were getting so much closer to him. He didn’t even have the time to react when-

“Dean” your voice held so much relief, as if you hadn’t noticed how awkward he was being only half a second ago trying to pretend he hadn’t been standing there or as if you did know but chose to ignore it completely. Your shoulders relaxed instantly and an easy smile formed on your lips “I was going to wait for you but I seriously felt like my clothes were going to stick to my skin for good very soon so I couldn’t-”

“S-Sure after everything that happened you needed something to help you relax…” he trailed off, almost cursing at himself for how unsure he sounded.

“Yeah, I mean, I had some serious thinking to do as well. So I suppo-” but you stopped mid-sentence and it was then he cursed under his breath. You studied him for a bit and after a moment your smile fluttered and your eyebrows pulled into a frown. You reached out and grabbed his arm before he could get away.

“Dean?” Oh how it made him weak on the knees to hear you say his name. You didn’t do so often and it was such a shame he realized in that moment.

“Dean?” it was a whisper this time and it distracted him even further in all the bad possible ways that he certainly couldn’t afford at the moment “Is everything alright? Something wrong?”

“Apart from the fact that we’re hiding from a psycho? No I wouldn’t say much.” he cleared his throat, his eyes flying over your form for a second or two and it was possibly the worst decision he could make. Given that your face was flushedbecause of the hot shower, your hair still wet and even your clothes just a bit in a far too sinful way because he couldn’t help but _want _to help you dry up in more than one ways. He hurried to add “I’ve gotten burgers in case you’re hungry. And uh pie, which I know you li-”

“Dean” and there it was again and it made a lump form in his throat. He felt your fingers on his chin, only two fingers slowly turning his face in your direction without even the slightest of protests, but then again you could shift his entire world with just a look “Tell me.”

His eyes did another once over but this time focused on your face where he noticed a familiar, soft and calm look of understanding there. You smiled a bit, taking a step closer as if you weren’t already significantly close but who needed to breathe anyway? Certainly not Dean at that moment.

“Alright then, _I_ will tell you.” you slid your hand up his arm “About what I’ve been thinking about. About what… we haven’t really talked about yet and I-” you looked up to meet his eyes again “I want to. Without any lies or hiding anymore. Just a straight answer, don’t care if it hurts me. But no lies.”

“Wh-what about?” his voice was getting lower and it made it harder for you to focus.

You licked your lips, not knowing it had the same if not worse effect on him. His eyes followed the line of your tongue and you could hardly fight a small smile of your own when you whispered “What Jack said.” your eyes locked and he stiffened more, if possible “Was it true?”

“Is that the kind of thinking you’ve been doing in the shower?” he softly and barely raised an eyebrow.

You shrugged glancing away for a mere moment “Would you prefer I was doing some kind of… _other _thinking? Or maybe something _else _aside from showering?”

His breath got caught in his throat. There was no mistaking the way your lips curved up into a very flirty smirk, the kind that he’d given you plenty of times before, and there was no doubting the words you said. You had never been more bold than that and it did catch him by surprise in a good way.

“Maybe.” he asked instead, shrugging before licking his own lips “Depends.”

You held his gaze for a few more seconds, your hand slowly sliding up to his chest and up his flannel where your fingers toyed with the collar of his flannel “On?”

It took him some time to reply simply because of how focused he was on your lips - or was it how kissable they looked at the moment? Then again, they always did. Mustering all the confidence he could, although still with hazy eyes said “Me being the focus of your attention the entire time?”

“Why detective-” you grinned easily, leaning closer to him “Don’t you know?” he expected you to mock him a bit, tease him but he didn’t get any of it. Instead he felt your fingers light as a father trace up his jaw, to his cheekbones before combing through his hair, sliding to the back of his head and tugging softly “I can’t take my mind off you… no matter where my hands end up wandering.”

His head was tilted so that was only inches away from yours, your forehead almost leaning against each other’s so you heard the sharp intake “You seem rather comfortable talking about it. Do you do that often?”

“Hm that’s a secret you’ll have to do some more serious interrogation to get out of me, detective. Besides-” you glanced down at his lips “How often do _you_ do it?”

“Are you _that_ interested to know?” was it audible? He had no idea.

“More than I’d care to admit out loud.” you gave him a small shrug and smirk.

“Why?” he asked in a low voice.

“Why… what? Why can’t I admit it out loud or… why do I do it in the first place? Because if it’s the second one then-” you were almost pressed against him and he’d give anything to press you against the wall in addition “I’m sure you can think of a reason or two.” your voice had dropped to a lower seductive tone and he was barely holding back a sound in his throat that, he was sure, wouldn’t sound anywhere near human. Especially with how your eyes roamed over him. He didn’t know just how much thinking you had done and for what reason but he didn’t want to complain.

“But that’s something we were supposed to talk about later.” your voice, softer brought him back to reality again “I asked a question and I did mean it. Seriously… I want to know if it was indeed true.”

“Why?” it came out in a raspy voice, almost frowning “Why do you want to know so much?”

“Is it not obvious? Has it not been from the beginning? I- I know what I’ve said in the past could be taken both ways but… I told you I did some thinking. Some serious thinking.” you murmured “Besides, what difference will it make if you know the reason?”

“It will, to me yes it will.” it was him who got closer “And you said it: no lies. Yet I’m not getting the full truth here. Tell me _why _do you really want to know?”

You shrugged a bit, your face burning but no point in backing down now. Taking a deep breath you watched as his own other free hand slid up your bare arm and he took gentle hold of your chin to make you look at him even though you weren’t far from it. You let him rub his thumb on your cheek for a second, slowly drifting to your lower lip.

“For the same reason as you.” you whispered, not missing the way his shoulders relaxed. He held your gaze. Not so many words in a simple sentence that meant a million things, a million feelings. _For the same reason he wanted to know why Jack’s words mattered to you. _A reason that was only-

“It was.” his voice came out more confident than before and he took a deep breath as if finally able to breathe “I-it was. You’re right, it was. I- I'm– I’m a fool for you, an absolute and total fool for you.”

“What-” you started, the two words he repeated having surprised you but if only for a couple seconds. It was when realization set down on you maybe a bit harder than you had initially expected.

“_It was true. What Jack said, everything he said was true.”_ it was like you could hear it. And even more, everything everybody else said was indeed true

Your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes all-but-widened. Two words that meant so much more than you could ever possibly comprehend. He had never been _so_ open about it and so sincere, more than you had ever seen him before (if it was possible at least) and above all more scared than ever. He looked almost shy about it, at first, but then you realized he too was holding his breath after the words left from his lips. Maybe he had been unable to stop them, maybe he was speaking from his heart and couldn’t stop it, maybe he wanted you to know but not yet and maybe… there were a thousand possibilities. You could think about them all you wanted but truth was it would take forever and you had obviously lost far too much valuable time thinking about what could and couldn’t be instead of just going for it.

“A-are you going to say someth-” he started, making you realize you had been silent for a bit too long.

“Good.” you cut him off, voice a bit shaky “G-good to know.”

It wasn’t what he expected to hear so it did make him frown but when he parted his lips ready to speak, no words came out. Instead every sound was muffled by the pair of your own lips on his. The gasp that left when you took hold of the collar of his flannel and pressed yourself as close as possible to him was simply adorable. You had probably taken the both of you by surprise because this was no kiss fueled by some sort of emergency and it was no kiss happening by mistake. Despite the both of you being in a life or death situation, for lack of better words, this was a kiss happening for entirely different reasons.

Just to wipe out any doubt you might have he started kissing back with just as much passion only three seconds later. A soft laugh came from you when his hands found your middle soon followed by a yelp when he took hold of your thighs and lifted you up with ease. His lips were much more firm against yours. His tongue brushed over your lower lip and you parted your lips to give him full entrance. His tongue was hot on yours and it tasted like coffee. You let him have his way, enjoying it all along, as his wet lips hungrily devoured yours. The low moan that he gave you when you caught his lower lip between your teeth made you grin. You nibbled on it, making him push you harder against the wall and getting a giggle from you.

He kissed you fully on the lips again, stealing your breath away. His tongue was no more gentle as before, if anything it seemed quiet the opposite. “Something tells me-” you panted when he pulled just an inch away “You’ve been looking forward to this?”

“Don’t you know?” he asked in a gruff voice, his lips leaving a wet trail of kisses down your neck. Pushing you against the wall you arched your hips forward, earning a moan from him.

“Figured.” you bit your lip, shuffling to get the jacket off his shoulders “So that’s why you’ve been staring at me through the open door huh?” you grinned when he froze for a moment. You leaned closer to his ear “What, detective?” you kissed it “Thought I wouldn’t notice? Then why do you think I put on a small show for?” you trailed your lips down to his neck.

His shoulders relaxed and a deep chuckle made his chest rumble “Seriously, best kind of thinking you’ve _ever _done, sweetheart.”

“Life’s too short. And I wasted too much time overthinking. I wanna act on it now. But you can thank Jack for it later.” you grinned and he chuckled.

“Besides, don’t worry. You’re definitely taking me out too but for now- I’m not holding back.” you huffed, trying to get him rid of his flannel as well. He pulled just a bit away, helping you but still giving you a raised eyebrow “What? You saw more than plenty before. It would be only fair.”

“It would, yes. Also-” he let go of you to stand on your feet to, much to your pleasant surprise, pull his black T-shirt over his head “All that for me? How considerate. I might have to repay you for that. What kind of services would you like this time m'am?”

“I can think of something. Can’t you?” you grinned, hooking your fingers through the hem of his jeans and pulled him closer to you. His eyes widened once more in surprise but chuckled nonetheless.

“Maybe I could.” his voice was more rough, the look on his face more determined and serious, and it immediately made the familiar feeling set down harder on the pit of your stomach.

His eyes roamed your figure rather shamelessly. The fact that your shirt was still a bit wet and you had no bra didn’t help at all in fighting the deep red off your cheeks. The way his eyes darkened made you shiver. Bringing a hand up to rest on the nape of your neck, slowly sliding to your cheek. He leaned in, kissing your forehead as if to make a promise, then your cheek and then your lips where he didn’t pull away from. He didn’t need any effort to push you down on the bed. With your hands hooked on his jeans you pulled him down, not that he even wanted to stay more than an inch away from you.

Your hips bucked up involuntarily, grazing the stiffness in Dean’s pants that made you let out a shaky breath. He pushed your hips with his asking for as much friction as possible but only groaned in your mouth when you showed him you weren’t going as gentle as before. His hands came to rest on your hips, squeezing so tight that you were sure it was going to leave a bruise. Compared to any other kiss this one was filled with much more raw emotion, need and a hint of lust.

Your fingers fumbled with his belt with just as much impatience as his fumbled with your shirt. Although he was more focused on getting as much skin contact as possible. You shuddered when his hands moved underneath your shirt and trailed up your sides to your chest, the touch only making your let out a whine when he refused to give you release but only torture you a bit more with his hands. To get him back for the teasing you held firmly onto his jeans, with your legs around his waist, you flipped him over that you were on top of him.

You pulled away just a bit to look down at him licking the remainer of your taste on his lips with a grin always plastered on his face. His hands didn’t leave their place from underneath your shirt which was probably just why he was grinning like that. Cheeky bastard. With a mere move, though, you managed to wipe off the smile. With a hand almost over his hard on and a thrust of your hips you had his eyes widening and him choking on a moan that came unexpectedly.

You leaned down but repeated the move, your bodies sliding together, as he practically held his breath. Your lips found his again and with a harder push he couldn’t hold back a grunt. A thrust of his own hips came and his hands that had stilled before were now even more frantic over your body. It was almost a game at this point, for everything. Seeing who’d last longer before breaking - at anything whether it was a moan or another thrust - and who would get be the one on top.

So it wasn’t long before Dean was laying on top of you again and had you moaning even more. There was no minding it though when you were too busy craving more of his touch. But if he wanted to torture you with his hands so could yours. His rhythm turned wilder, his breath becoming even more erratic, making you squeeze your legs around him.

“Fuck, sweetheart.” you didn’t even realize it when he had taken your shirt off. His eyes roamed your figure, dark and filled with want, but they only focused on your eyes in the end which made you relax more than you ever imagined. A laugh came from him, his breath hot and heavy against your neck “You’re going to make me come in my pants already, princess. Haven’t done that since I was a teenager.”

A giggle burst from your lips and you tightened your hold around his shoulders, your lips brushing over his as you spoke “Did you happen to do that often?”

He let a deep throaty moan when you pressed your bare chest flushed to his but grinned nonetheless “More or less. Although you make me feel like I’m 16 again, I get the impression that if I were to meet you when we were actually 16 there’d be a lot more of that coming.”

“Is there a pun intended?” you laughed as he shook his head “So you’re saying, supposing we were the same age, you’d want me the same?”

“Sweetheart, there’s no way my 16-year-old-self would let you walk by not even in my wildest dreams.” he said in a husky voice “I’d be crushing on you harder than a freaking teenager. Let alone the rest of the… thinking I would do with you in mind.” he said in between attacking your neck with kisses.

“Oh thinking is what we’re going to call it now.” you giggled before your voice lowered and you whispered in his ear “I like how that sounds.”

“If only you knew, sweetheart.” he said breathlessly “I’ve dreamed about you.” he whispered roughly in between the kisses “Wanted you. Ever since we first met, I was a gonner. Don’t know how you did it but _damn_ you got me baby.” he mumbled against your skin as he licked and sucked on your neck now, he chuckled softly “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

_He didn’t even realize it when the exact same words came out._

“It’s easy to understand… You simply cannot resist me.” the words were innocent to you but not him.

As if electricity shot right through him, Dean’s eyes snapped wide open and he pulled away faster than he ever had in his life. He stared at you with wide eyes as it dawned on him. He felt as if he was being pulled back to that dream and it scared him to the bone. Dean shook his head furiously, his breath having caught in his lungs as he stumbled to get back and away from you.

“D-Dean?” your voice was barely filled with pain, rather more worry and it warmed his heart because she would never sound like that. It reminded him it was still you, you that he had held and loved _truly. _“Dean…” you started but he only got further away, leaping off the bed and you hurried to put your shirt back on, standing on the edge of the bed “Is everything ok? What- what happened? Did I do someth-”

“No” he hurried to say, wanting to kick himself for making you doubt yourself even for a moment “No, it’s not- you didn’t do anything. You never could, I’m just- Ah fuck.” he groaned dragging a hand down his face before he fell down on the floor, back against the wall and head resting in his hands in defeat.

“Dean” you were almost scared to ask. You slowly approached him, kneeling in front of him and hesitating to place a hand on top of his “Dean talk to me. Something _is _going on with you… I could help.”

“You can’t- you won’t-” he felt like all his words were burning his throat, his head swimming with only one thought “You…” he pulled his hands away from his face and looked down “You will hate me.”

“Wh-what?” you blinked in surprise “Dean… I could never- What are you talking about?”

After such a great act of love, after he had already showed you how much you meant to him, after he was ready to experience your love and give you all of his he was sure he wouldn’t be able to take it. But he also wasn’t able to take the voice in his head, the constant feeling of being on edge and of feeling so much fear.

“I-” the lump in his throat made it impossible to talk, just as much as the fear settled deep in his heart but he knew that it would happen sooner or later and he didn’t want to take advantage of your love when he didn’t deserve. When he felt like he didn’t deserve anything but your hate.

“I let her free, (Y/n). I was the one that set Amara free.”


	13. Chapter 13

“I let her free, (Y/n). I was the one that set Amara free.”

The words felt like the weight of the world was on his chest, making it harder to breathe. He expected it to make him feel better, to feel as if it was all easier, and to feel like it would be a relief to let it all out but it was the exact opposite. His lungs were burning and he realized it was because he was holding his breath. But maybe he prefered the physical pain over the emotional he’d go through when he got to see the pain and surely later the hate flash through your eyes.

“Wh-what?” your voice was shaky and it came after a good few seconds “Dean what are you talking about? I- I don’t understand. Wh-where is this coming from? What does it even mean?”

“It means-” he clenched his jaw for a second. He could take it back, take it all back and say he didn’t know what he was saying and that he was too on edge because of the case to think logically. But he didn’t. “It mean exactly what I’m saying. And I’m saying that I- I freed her. I set the monster free…”

“What- No, Dean this- This doesn’t make any sense.” you shook your head, rubbing your eyes “You are not making any sense. You’re-” you shook your head, inching closer to him and squeezing his arm “Are you sure you’re alright? Maybe you’re too tired a-and need a break. Some food and then rest should do it. I- I shouldn’t have even tried to-” you cleared your throat, looking away with a deep blush on your face.

“No, no don’t say that.” he said almost breathlessly, his hand falling on top of yours and giving a firm squeeze “Gosh, don’t you ever take it back. Please, don’t take it back.” his hand jumped up to cup your cheek before crashing his lips to yours, hard and passionately as he tried to savor the feeling and taste albeit quick, before he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours “I want you to… If you could just promise me that you won’t.”

“I- I won’t… what?”

“You won’t take it back. O-or that at least, you won’t say you hate me. I am sure you won’t be able to keep… loving me the way you do now, but at least don’t hate me please because I won’t take it. I will keep loving you, just like now, I promise that-”

“Dean” you said more firmly this time but still with an incredibly soft and caring voice “You are really scaring me and what you’re saying is just making no sense. What do you mean when you said you freed Amara- the monster- What is even that? I don’t get it. What does freeing mean when-”

“It means freeing her. Literally. I-” but he choked on his words, rubbing his eyes tiredly “Amara…”

“What does Amara have to do with us now. We were just about to- It is just you and me, she’s not even here.”

“She always has something to do with us because of- because of the secrets I’ve kept from you for so long.” he clenched his fists “She always has something to do with us no matter how much I try to get her out of our lives not matter how fucking much I want it to be just you and me. Hell of a fucking price to pay and I couldn’t even see it coming. I was such an idiot, I- Damn it.” he ran his finger through his hair in frustration before pausing. He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath in but _didn’t _look at you.

“I set her free, (Y/n). _I freed her from her prison._ Literally freed Amara. She is after you because of me, mostly because of me, and this-” his lower lip trembled “All that I want us to have together, can’t happen because she is out there. Because of me.”

“What?” your voice came out hoarse, for the first time sounding so serious and so genuinely _hurt _that he felt your pain too. He almost winced “Is this some kind of joke?” it now almost felt void of any emotion “Cause it- it is only confusing and not funny _at all_.”

Despite his best judgement and despite his deepest fears he took a deep breath, jaw clenched as he looked up to face whatever was waiting for him. It was hard to read your expression and that nearly terrified him but he kept going “It’s not. It could never be.” he heard you take a sharp intake “I- I know that this moment could be something _so _beautiful but I don’t deserve it. Not when the truth can make you… hate me and I promised you I was going to tell you everything. We said no more secrets and lies anymore because you don’t deserve that. Again you’ll hate me but I’d much rather have that instead of-”

“Dean” you cut him off but there was no anger, no rage. Mostly unshed tears that made you choke up.

His eyes met yours and he felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach “It’s what I was scared of telling you from the first moment, what I- I tried to protect you from. What it all lead up to. I mean it, (Y/n). She is free because of me, _literally. That’s what I’ve been hiding from you.” _the gasp that still he heard from you, hand clasping over your mouth and the way you recoiled from him cut him deep but he didn’t move. He sighed, resting his head against the wall.

It took actual minutes for him to gather all his strength to start speaking when you couldn’t yet “I- I wish I would have told you sooner but I couldn’t bring myself to. I was to scared to-”

“How?” you croaked out after what felt like an eternity. He finally looked at you – when he had closed his eyes he didn’t know – and noticed that your eyes were red-rimmed and you were hugging your knees close to your chest. The small empty space between you felt like miles. “How did it happen?”

He stared at you for far too long before he sighed in defeat “It uh-” he frowned “Where did I leave off?”

It was mostly a rhetorical question but you did answer anyway “That you and Amara go way back.” there was an undeniable hiss to your voice but he couldn’t tell if the anger was directed at him or the killer “You met her, in one of those places that officially doesn’t exist, so that she could help you find and take down Abadon before she killed more people. Thanks to her… special skills you could track her before it became worse _but _Amara wasn’t one to help you just for your pretty smile. And now I see… It was freeing her.”

“Well-” he licked his lips, shaking his head “Yes and no. I told you that I was in a dark place when I first got to meet her. Sammy and I weren’t talking because of some stupid things I did in the business and then I guess I did even more stupid things by looking for her. No uh her only request was that I visited her, every week so that she could have someone to talk to. Her cell was one of the most secluded ones for obvious reasons and she spent most of her time if not all on her own.”

“And you did?” it was a whisper.

“And I did, yes. At first she wouldn’t even give any information on Abaddon until she made sure I had visited her for three times in a row… I didn’t have a choice. And at first it seemed so… easy. She didn’t just help me track down Abaddon and end her. She helped me locate some equally dangerous criminals over the time which is partially my fault because she asked for more visits. I thought what was the harm in it, right? We were only talking and it was all for like ten to twenty minutes every time. If only I knew how high of a price to pay it actually was. She changed me, (Y/n). She changed me so much.”

“In what way?”

He noticed you hugging your knees closer to your body as your lack of trust and self-defense started to grow but didn’t comment on it “Well for one, a partner of mine on the job died on the field essentially because I didn’t care. I put his life in danger and did my thing even though he had a gun pointed at him.” he saw the horror in your eyes because you knew how he’d rather die than lose a partner on the job and yet had carelessly tossed somebody’s life away like that “I- I almost beat Cas to death _and _stabbed him with a knife right then and there.” the shocked gasp that you didn’t manage to hold back made his insides painfully twist just as much as seeing you crawl back from him.

But he didn’t stop, despite the sight of your watery eyes “I did kill the Stynes though. Remember how they were a big thing on the news for so long and then they said they finally stopped? Well, guess who got captive and instead of putting them behind bars I just… I murdered them, (Y/n), in cold blood and I- I enjoyed it. I _remember _enjoying it and I-” he dragged a shaky hand down his face “It wasn’t the first time. Killing was the way to get things done. I didn’t even care to think about arresting anybody. I just used anything I could get to, not just my gun. Knives, blades, even a machete once… Don’t know where I found that.” he felt a lump in his throat at the unpleasant memories.

He _kept_ going “And the worst is that to this day I remember how much I enjoyed it. It scares me, more than myself has ever scared me. I was so under he influence that I didn’t even begin to think that getting the job done had slowly started turning me into one of them. Until it was like… getting the job done wasn’t even the point, wasn’t even why I did it for. I tried to find excuses for it but I knew very well there were none. I-” a humorless, _pained _laugh came through his lips “I mean I even fought with Sam, real hard, punched him and beat him because he wanted to help me and I almost pulled a-”

“Stop! Please, just stop!” this time you nearly yelled, a sob rocking your body as he looked up to see a tear roll down your cheek – how you fought back the rest he couldn’t understand – and to feel his heart break all over again especially as he heard your hoarse voice crack “Enough. Please… enough.”

“I need to tell you everything. I promised you I would and I need you to understand.” he watched you with careful eyes as you shuffled away from him and rested your back against the bed, chin resting on your knees but eyes on him “That wasn’t me, (Y/n). It- it didn’t feel like it was me, it didn’t feel like I had control over my own body. It wasn’t as if I was entirely gone but I still had no control over it, (Y/n). I thought I was going insane at some point. She ha such power over me every time I was around her, sometimes it felt like I was in a haze that I- I wanted to be free of it… free of her.”

“And that’s why you let her out?”

“In a way. I- I was ready to die, (Y/n). I wanted to die.” it was obvious how the words made your eyes widen and despite his best logic, he felt his heart skip a bit at the concern on your face “I was. Ready to accept my fate before anybody else could get hurt because of me, especially the ones I love. I wasn’t going to free her, (Y/n), no of course not but when Sam found out about my plans, well, he didn’t take so kindly to it.”

“And he’d have every right to!” you nearly exclaimed this time.

“Yeah but he shouldn’t have! He told Cas and he told other people and they- they got in danger to help me because of some stupid plan. He even got me into it, involved without me realizing it, and let her free. She was out of her cell, promised that nobody would go after her if only she let go of her- her hold on me, if she’d let me go back to my normal life and be myself again and that she, most importantly, wouldn’t come looking for me. I could fight the control, could be myself again if I didn’t see her, they saw it and thought-”

“So-” you raised a hand to stop him, realization starting to set down on you as your mind processed everything “So it was basically Sam that-”

“No!” he stopped you, shaking his head “No, it’s _my _fault. Mine alone! If I had not gone to her, if- if I had not been so reckless and if _now _I had the strength to push her away and resist her then she wouldn’t have had the chance to come for you again and again and _again._ She might want to lure Chuck out but if I could just resist her and end her when I had the chance then we wouldn’t be running now.”

“Resist…” the word was a faint whisper coming from your lips as your eyebrows pulled into a deep frown for only a couple second until realization obviously dawned on you “She was saying the truth.”

Watching your eyes carefully he gave you a short nod before looking down at his hands “I can’t fight her. I ca- I can’t kill her, no matter how much I try. I couldn’t do it any of the times I’ve come across her and I… couldn’t do it the last time she tried to kill you with that knife and I burst in through the door. I just… let her go. I tried to fight her b-but I- I knew that it was in vain, that I wouldn’t be able to hurt her – not really – which is just why I’m trying to find every way possible to deal with this without-”

“What?” your voice was cold and looking at you he saw more tears roll down your cheeks, but the look on your face made his entire body shake. He was wrong after all, the look he ended up receiving from you hurt far deeper than he feared. “Hurting her? It’s what you’ve been avoiding to do all along, isn’t it?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, trust me it’s not. I wish so bad I could, I want her dead with every fiber in my fucking body so that she can’t hurt you anymore b-but-”

“You just can’t be the one to do it huh?” the laugh that came from your lips was void of all emotions.

“It’s like she’s got this hold on me. Every time she is around I can’t fight it. I know what I should do when I’m away but when she’s there it’s like I’m paralyzed and she doesn’t even have to say a word to do it anymore.” a deep sigh left though and the rest of the words he wanted to say died in his lips when he saw you couldn’t even look at him. Your head was turned away from his and a deep silence had set in the room.

“Have you really kissed?” your voice sounded hollow despite the range of emotions your face showed.

“Wha-” he started but knew there was no point in it. There was no point in wondering why you asked, why you wanted to know that in that moment during such a conversation. Because much as he hoped there was no jealousy on your face, only deep betrayal. “Once.” his throat felt impossibly tight when he heard the scoff of a laugh come from you. “O-only once though. Before I even met you. A-and it was her who- I didn’t even realize it was happening at first and when I did I- I instantly pulled away. It wasn’t-”

“Of course. _Of course.”_ you pursed your lips, nodding your head “Well, at least now I can say that for once I know she was really saying the truth. You are a good kisser. _Good for you, Dean. _Real good for you, Dean! From the serial killer to the actual victim herself you’ve got us all! Quiet the achievem-”

“Stop. Please, stop.” it wasn’t loud and it wasn’t firm, nowhere as yours before. It was low and weak, hoarse even because he had no right to make demands but at the same time didn’t want yo to do this to yourself “She doesn’t mean anything to me, much less in the way you think. You and her- there is no comparing it. There is no woman in my life that could come before you, especially Amara! It’s not- it’s not even attraction, not in the real kind of way. Not as with you. I don’t know what it is but to call it that… no.”

“Sounds lovely but-” you sniffled and there crumbled the few pieces of what was left of his heart “Would you say the same if she was in the room too? No better yet, would you do it if she was here?”

“Do what?”

“Kill her, Dean. If she was in this room, threatening me, threatening my life and you had to do it- would you? If you _knew _that she would kill me this time, would you stop her? If we were in the same room and you had the chance to, would you do it?”

It was a question that had kept him up far too many nights when the nightmares decided to give him a break. He could never get a break, not really. It scared him that a part of his mind couldn’t immediately think of you and keeping you safe. It was that dark corner in his mind that he knew she had control over and that terrified him.

“I see.” you hummed, the silence giving you enough of an answer “You know you asked for my trust, more than once but… how can I give it to you when you don’t trust your own self? We both know, you don’t that you will direct your gun at her and not me when the time comes.” you got up, shaking your head before he could get a sound out of his parted lips “And for the record… it’s not that I’d ever hate you for freeing her. Not after everything you went through because of her, no. Hate isn’t even something I could feel for you.” there was a sort of numbness in your words and movements “But this, letting her go and hiding it from me- _hiding that _Dean… makes me realize how right I was to want to never see you again.”

He didn’t get a chance to speak and say anything back though, not that he had anything to say, when your phone started ringing. Clearing your throat you picked it up with a frown “Sam?”

“_(Y/n)? Ye-yeah, hey. Sorry to be bothering you b-but I couldn’t get Dean. His phone must be dead. Is he there? Is he ok?”_

“Yes. Yes he’s here and he’s just _fine._” Sam might have missed the tone in your voice but Dean certainly flinched at it “Why what’s the matter?”

“_Well, uhm I don’t have good news for you guys. Woman at the front desk said he called just half an hour ago and… he checked out. I went to his room and there are still a few things of his there so my best guess? He knows we’re here and that we’re after him looking for explanations.”_

“Well, isn’t that wonderful now? My luck is off the charts today.” you sighed heavily “So what do we do now?”

“_Well, I’m finishing up here and will meet up with you guys so we can regroup.”_

“Alright, see you soon then. Take care.” you mumbled before throwing your phone on the bed and glaring at Dean, although it was far too pained to be considered anywhere near harsh enough “Bet you’re happy now. Chuck’s gone, your girlfriend’s safe.” you hissed, and before he could speak back “I need another shower, a cold one. Don’t even bother.” the door slammed loudly.

~*~

“I still don’t get how he might have known we are here. He clearly didn’t see me because I would have seen him come out of the motel too. So why did he check out?”

“Well, for one did seem to have left in a hurry so it wasn’t planned. But maybe it wasn’t us he tried to get away from butAmara herself.” Sam shrugged.

“Away from or towards?” you spoke softly, earning a raised eyebrow “Maybe he got some sort of information we didn’t have about her whereabouts. Listen I- I know she’s all about luring him out and him hiding but- but last time I saw him, he didn’t look like a man that wanted to hide anymore. If I know Chuck, and I do know him well, I’d say he looks like he has made up his mind… for something big.”

“Right, because your boyfriend is all about self-sacrifice and there when you need him.” Dean muttered entirely to himself but it didn’t help that the room was so silent and you got to hear everything.

“_Right_.” you snapped though because you weren’t the one at fault or had anything to hide. You had cried enough in the shower anyway so it was now the perfect time to be angry. “Because your girlfriend is all about killing me and everybody else on the other hand huh? Except for _you_. You have that in common?”

It hurt you just as much as it hurt him to say that final sentence but it was out there before you could stop it. If only it didn’t make Dean wince and look down like a kicked pup which instantly made you want to gather him in your arms. You hated him for still having such an important place in your heart, despite every lie, and you hated yourself for not being able to push him out of it.

“Uhm guys?” Sam frowned, looking between the two of, unable to hide his confusion especially at the space you had put between you and Dean “What’s going on? Did I miss something?”

“Luckily not as much as _I_ had all this time.” you pursed your lips, holding his gaze for only a couple seconds until it started to dawn on him “Your brother will fill you in. I need some fresh air for now.”

Wrong words apparently. The second you had gotten up and placed a hand on the doorhandle while the other took hold of your jacket, another hand was placed on the door itself. Just as you got to open it an inch, Dean shut it loudly with a thud. His voice held no anger “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting as far away from you as possible?” you said with a tight-liped and somewhat sarcastic smile which only fluttered when you saw the way his eyes widened. For all that he’d done, you couldn’t deny that it was obvious he regretted everything and that his care was _real._

He cleared his throat and looked away for a moment “You know we’re supposed to be hiding now, right? You can’t just go about and take a walk like it’s any other day. I’m doing this for you, I don’t want you to get hurt and you can’t… you can’t think that’s a lie too.”

“I don’t.” your words were firm but less hostile as before “And I’m not stupid either. I won’t risk it. Will only be gone for 50 minutes max. You said about the restaurant that’s downstairs and I need time alone to think about my upcoming death. It’s the perfect choice.”

“Nobody’s dying. Not on my watch. Especially you.” he held your gaze, even though it hurt him “I _will _give my life if I have to. I promised you that and don’t back down from a promise. No matter the cost.”

“Yeah, well-” your voice was so much softer and for a moment, a crazy moment he saw that you believed him and hoped that you wanted to go back to the way it all were just as much as him – one way or another, although it didn’t last long “That’s what you don’t get. _I don’t care anymore whether I do or not._ Because Amara was right that night, about everything.”

This time he didn’t try to stop you, your words had left him too numb.

~*~

“He’s not worth it honey.” the soft voice barely managed to register as you played around with the menu in your hands. Blinking you looked up to see the waitress pouring coffee in your mug.

“Excuse me?”

She smiled knowingly “The guy that has you looking like that. He’s not worth it. No man is worth your tears, trust me I’ve been there and learned it the hard way. You’ll find better.”

Just as she said that, you blinked away your tears “Thing is he’s really the best I could ever find. I mean he… is ready to give his own life up for me. It’s on me. I don’t know if I can trust him anymore and he had warned me about it. I just was too naive to believe him.”

“Or too in love?” the smile on her face made you look down at your hands “Anyway, the trust thing- that still does sound like _him _to me. He has to gain your trust again, that’s all. But even if he fails to I’d say you have… some options. Here.”

“Wh-what is this?” you blinked as you stared at the letter in an actual white envelope being handed to you by her. Opening it in a haste, because you could never know what Amara was up to and you had half a mind to just get up and run away, one word stood out the most: _Plan._

“From the guy right there on the corner.” she said with a smile pointing in his direction “I’ll be back to take your order in a bit.”

But you didn’t even pay attention to her words when your eyes locked with his blue ones. The one person you’d been looking for. And he was there.

~*~

“Will you calm down a bit? It’s been barely 45 minutes.” Sam rolled his eyes at his brother’s constant pacing.

“Yes, and if she’s not here in the next five I’m gonna-”

“Storm inside the restaurant and cause a scene while you’re supposed to be hiding from a serial killer on the loose. Yeah, sounds like a brilliant idea!”

“Yeah, while going to get some fresh air is the definition of brilliant!” Dean threw his arms in the air “I can’t believe how she can be so reckless. I understand that she doesn’t trust me but-”

“But that’s not the most painful of it all, is it?” he didn’t really expect an answer and the look he got from Dean verified his every thought “Look there was no avoiding it, she would find out sooner or later. She won’t do anything reckless, she’s not like you, she knows how to take care and be careful no matter what is going on between the two of you. Not that it will last long.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean frowned deeply “She hates me Sam!”

“And yet no matter how much this hurts her, she loves you and she _wants _to forgive you. Didn’t you see the way she looked at you?” Sam frowned “That’s not a woman who hates you, not by any means. It’s a woman who loves you very much, and whom you also love more than anything, but who has lost her faith in you. Or at least seems to be struggling with keeping it. You simply have to try to win her trust again.”

“_Simply_.” he scoffed a laugh “Nothing about it is simple, Sam.”

“Let me ask you, did she seem to hate you when you told her about how dark things got when she had you under her influence? Did she seem to hate you when you told her that you’ve killed others, even if they were criminals? Did she seem to hate you when you said you beat Cas?”

“W-well… no, she- She looked horrified, scared a bit but also… in pain. The kind of pain I went through.” he frowned at his own words, only now being able to realize it “Like she understood it…”

“So you tell her the most horrifying thing of all and all she does is feel your pain. But you tell her about the effect another woman has on you and she what? She then has trouble trusting you?”

“No” Dean pointed a finger at him when he saw the smirk on Sam’s face “No, don’t even think about that! And don’t try to tell me so. She’s- It’s not about jealousy, this is not it because I told her I’m not attracted to Amara in that way. She can’t forgive me because I let her go, it’s different.”

“Maybe… or maybe that’s part of the reason. You won’t know until you try to get her back.”

“There won’t be any of it, Sam.” despite everything, Dean shook his head, his words absolutely serious “I won’t- I won’t try to win her or her heart back, I don’t deserve it. I had it for some time a-and that will have to be enough. I will end this, no matter how hard it is for both her and me to believe, I _will _do this for her but once it is over… I’ll let her go. Let her be happy. ’S not like she won’t find better.”

“You gotta be kidding me.” Sam threw his arms in the air “You two- You two are really the biggest idiots in the world. I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you another thing to worry about right away.” the smile on his face was cheeky but so fake Sam barely held back from wincing. Instead watched his brother put on his jacket and storm out, leaving him to run to catch up with him.

~*~

“Are you- are sure this is the place? Dean… she’s not here.” Sam looked around, his voice and posture calm unlike his brother’s.

“Yes, Sam. I’m sure this is the place!” he nearly yelled so loud that they drew attention from the few customers, he sighed, walking towards the cashier.

“I’m just saying, maybe she hasn’t even been here at all.”

“We’ll find out.” he huffed loudly, pulling out his phone mid-sentence and dialing your number. He looked around, pursing his lips and shaking his head “I shouldn’t have let het get out on her own. I shouldn’t- Damn it!” he grumbled “I shouldn’t have let my feelings get in the fucking way from the very beginning. I shouldn’t-” but the words got caught in his throat when he heard the voice. And it wasn’t your voice.

“_Missed me already Dean? Because oh I’ve missed you.”_

Dean’s face hardened even more and his jaw clenched. His eyes darkened and it took only a glance from Sam to realize who he was talking to. His own body stiffened, following him outside the dinner and let his brother put the phone on speaker.

“Where is she, Amara?” it came in a growl that was almost hard to make out.

“_All in due time. Don’t worry, she’s not hurt but you might have to hurry. I’ll give you the chance to see her one last time, I’m not heartless, if only my beloved **brother** comes to the show.”_

“And how the hell am I supposed to find him?”

“_Don’t know, you’re the detective. Might have to solve that one too hm? Good luck and… welcome to the final problem as a friend of mine likes to say.”_

“No, Amara, don’t! Don’t-” but he was too late, only to end up roaring “Son of a bitch!” he all-but-threw his phone away but held back in the end, running his fingers through his hair in frustration “How the hell are we supposed to find Chuck, Amara _and _(Y/n) now?!”

“Well uh I think we’re in the right direction.” Sam muttered, his eyebrows up when he faced a familiar person that approached them “Look, Dean.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Look, Dean.” and he didn’t need to say it twice because once both Winchesters were looking at him, they didn’t wait a second before met him halfway. Or at least Dean didn’t.

Sam’s eyes widened albeit not so much in surprise when the first thing Dean did, when he was close enough to the third man, was to punch him square in the jaw, making him stumble back even less in shock than Sam himself. He tried to stop him but he was too fast to grab him by the shirt and pin him against the nearest wall, growling straight in his face “You son of a bitch.”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t remember or even think I met my mother.” came, despite everything, a very calm reply. His face was nearly blank, showing no emotion. Dean’s only reaction was to push the man harder against the wall and glare daggers at him.

“You think I’m here for a friendly chat?” Dean ignored his brother trying to pull him away “She’s gone!” this time he roared his tone probably as dangerous as the previously low one “(Y/n) is gone and Amara has her! You hear me? Your _sister_ has taken her hostage and it’s all your fault!”

“Easier to blame somebody else for your mistakes, detective. Where were you when she took her though? Why had you left her alone in the first place? And better yet what would you have done if you were there? Or would you have let Amara take her anyway? Because something tells me that and much more already. Don’t confuse me with-” but the words died out in Chuck’s lips when Dean’s fist slammed on the door that was right next to Chuck’s head.

“Shut up.” he meant to say it full of anger but it came out weak. Letting go of the blue-eyed man he ran a shaky hand down his face before looking back at him “She could be dead by now. _Dead_. Amara could have put a bullet through her head and be toying with us and you- you’re so fucking calm about it? You- you were supposed to care for her! You told her you loved her, is this how you show it to her? By leaving her to die at the hands of your own sister who cares about nothing else but to see you pay for what you did to her? By letting her, letting _(Y/n) die _too instead of facing your own sister?”

“Don’t!” his voice raised, the sheer anger, seriousness and authority in his voice making them stiffen up. He let out a breath and seemed to collect himself “She wouldn’t kill her, not to mention with a gun, it’s not like her to. Besides she knows that this is her only chance at me showing up. She knows how important (Y/n) is to me and she wouldn’t risk it like that.” he still ignored the way Dean rolled his eyes in frustration.

“We-” Sam took a step forward this time “We understand and we want to believe that Chuck but (Y/n)’s- she our friend, our family, which makes this more dangerous and scary than usual. It- it would help if you… worked with us on this and helped us?”

“Help.” Dean scoffed a humorless laugh “He won’t just help. He’s going to fix this, _now!”_

“And I will, yes.” Chuck nodded his head “As I was about to say about Amara: Her goal is not revenge, not directly at least, she wants me to apologize first by whatever means necessary. She won’t harm (Y/n). And even if she goes for it… (Y/n) is prepared for all of it. She has been from the beginning.”

The words made both Sam and Dean’s attention fall on him. They shared a look before Dean suspiciously asked “What are you talking about?”

“Not here.”

~*~

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Sam didn’t even flinch this time at Dean’s yelling. He saw that one coming and frankly he was on the verge of yelling too.

“No, if anything I would say that’s my sister.” Chuck, only able to irritate Dean more, stayed far too calm for their liking “You have to accept that this is the only way. Amara was in town only a coupe hours after you showed up, and you didn’t even realize it until now. But I did. And so I was prepared. She was going to take (Y/n) and we both know you wouldn’t have been able to do much if not get her hurt in the process of protecting her. There was no other choice.”

“No other choice to make sure she’d be safe but let her get captured, of course. Am I the only one that thinks something is totally wrong with this?” Dean said exasperated rubbing his temple.

“I told you it is part of the plan. She didn’t get captured. Amara might think she has her but (Y/n) was prepared for everything and that’s why she’s not in danger. A plan you wil have to listen to if you want my sister to return to her previous place and the woman you love to be safe in her own home soon too.” Chuck said in all seriousness, eyes locking with the detective’s.

Dean kept a clenched jaw, body tense and straight before he huffed “You better be fucking right about this. Because if anything happens to her…” he shook his head.

“It won’t. I know my sister, better than she thinks. So well that I can already tell where she is. All you have to do is help me through so that we can capture her again. And this time nobody will be freeing her.”

“Alright.” Dean sucked in a deep breath “We’re listening.”

~*~

“Still giving me the cold shoulder?” the moment she walked in you felt your entire body tense up once more. Not that she had been gone for long but you had really lost track of time inside this place that you had almost no idea where it was to begin with. Key word: almost.

You were thankful she had not knocked you out but only tossed you in the back of a van where you couldn’t see your destination but could clearly make out any sound around you or bump along the road. Plus, there was a distinct feeling setting in the pit of your stomach that you easily recognized. With all the cameras around you in one single room, monitoring whoever was inside – and in this case it was you – like some lab rat, a simple bed and toilet inside the grey room with three walls while the fourth was a thick glass standing between the room and two doors that you already knew were those of an elevator. An entire floor for whoever was inside this room meant that it was only viewed as one way: a highly dangerous prisoner inside a highly secure cell. Or highly secure for any other prisoner but her.

“Fine, have it your way. I only brought you here so that you could feel more comfortable.” she walked around the place, setting down the things she had brought with her.

You stared at her carefully, waiting for the moment she was going to turn her back to you before you pushed the boby-pinyou’d held in your mouth the whole time out in your hands before hiding it underneath the pillow on the bed. With all those cameras around you were sure that the only time she wouldn’t see was when she was in the same room as you.

“Yeah, really cozy. Is the color on the walls your personal choice?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Oh so she speaks!” she stopped, turning to look at you “I was beginning to think you were mad at me with all the silence.”

“Mad? Who me? No! Never. I wonder why would be?” you said sarcastically making her scoff a laugh that deep down scared you to the bone but you weren’t going to show it to her. After everything you’d found out and after everything you’d been through, you refused to let any encounter with her – no matter how many there were to come – intimidate you or affect your life anymore.

“Ah so I see, you have quiet the mouth there now, don’t you? I like the newfound sass. It’s better this way, I haven’t gotten to know you that well and I’m both happy and sad this is the first and last time I do.” she was calm in a way that could only scare you more but you held your ground.

“I do.” you straightened your back, even though you were the one handcuffed “Might be because of Dean. You were right, he’s quiet the good kisser. And I certainly don’t mean just the lips. But wait- you didn’t get to experience that, did you? No, no you di-” but the words were cut off by a choking sound when she took hold of your face in one hand in a grip so tight it could easily leave a bruise or two.

“Say that again?” her voice was dangerously low and it made you let out a shaky breath of fear.

But after a few seconds you decided to hold your ground “Just saying, I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time alone with Dean lately. Would you think getting intimate was not in the cards?”

“Why, did you? Because you haven’t, not really. You can’t have him, you really don’t even now. He knows where he belongs and with whom and what you might think is merely mind control is truly unlocking ones deepest and darkest desire. And I am his.”

“Only when you’re present though, isn’t that it? He’s told me so, it’s only when you’re there that he can’t control even his own body at will. And he wants to. So I wonder in what way is that not mind control? I know how skilled you are and Dean… has been honest with me about everything. When you’re away it’s like you don’t exist.”

She scoffed another laugh, this time letting go of you and shaking her head “Foolish thoughts. I shouldn’t expect anything more. And do you think you exist for him when you’re away? He’s far- _far _too good for you, I’m sure you must see it, why do you still keep fighting for something you can’t have? It’s all people do, I’ve seen it, and it confuses me… why do you keep struggling when all it brings is pain?”

“You seem to forget you’re human too, Amara.” you almost whispered before shaking your head and looking away, back ever straight “It’s because I already have it. Part of his heart at least I know I do and that is good enough for me. So no I’m not fighting anymore. It’s you that’s fighting.” you looked her straight in the eyes, considering her for the first time as not the woman who wanted to kill you – although you still had it in the back of your mind and because of Chuck’s words managed to keep it there and not let it along with fear take over – but as the sister of someone you knew and that was less scary.

“He’s not yours, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. And when tonight you see him walk through those doors and ends up shooting you instead of me you will see it yourself.” the calm tone in her voice made your heart pound in your chest “He can’t fight it. He can’t fight me.”

“Give him some credit, he’s so much more than just a pretty face. And I know that you know that too… but I know it a lot better. The kind of heart… the kind of strength that man has will surprise you. We’ll see who will take that bullet.” you didn’t know if you believed the words yourself or not. Despite everything that had happened in the past couple of hours, despite Chuck’s words and everything you’d said, you feared deep down that the answer to that ast sentence was not going to be what you hoped for.

“So much… faith. It’s almost admirable. You could use some of it now, I suppose.”

“Or maybe it’s not faith at all. Ever heard of love?” you noticed the way her jumped away from you and the way a wave of sadness washed over he features as she looked at the room and that was the confirmation you needed. So you kept going “Maybe you wanted to believe so. Wanted to forget what I am to Dean and what he is to me. Or _maybe _you wouldn’t believe something like that is possible considering the only time you kissed him… you were simply controlling him. I for one may not be able to do any of the reprogramming as you do but I surely didn’t need it. Neither for Dean who willingly wants my love-” it was somewhat as a surprise to say it out loud because it felt like despite his lies, you still did love him “Nor… your brother.”

No sooner had the words left your lips that you felt the hands wrap around your neck and your entire body being pined to the cold and hard floor. Your eyes widened when you felt your breath get caught in your throat quiet literally. You grasp at her hands and tried to push her off, fight her back but the look on her face, dangerous and so scary but yet almost emotionless as if she was an entirely different person at the mention of her brother.

“You don’t know him, you don’t know anything about him. You don’t know even half of the things my brother really is, but you might, soon. If you live long enough to. Will you live long enough? Will there be something there to see it even if this vessel is no longer functioning? What will happen to your soul then?”

“Am- Amara- St- stop. S-stop!” but your hoarse and barely audible words didn’t have any effect on her so instead you did the best logical thing of kneeing her in the stomach and elbowing her in the face. The second her hands were off you, you gasped loudly, feeling your burning lungs with fresh air. You coughed, blinking away your tears and only a few seconds later you crawled away from her, not that she advanced.

“Quiet the fighter… Now I see why they both liked in you so much.” she said instead “They’re much more alike than I originally thought after all. Shame- Such a shame this will hurt them so much both. Dean doesn’t deserve it, not as much as him. I have killed many, many more before you and he hasn’t shown up but this time… Oh this time he will.” she only ended up smiling widely as if she had finally gotten what she wanted, or at least was about to “And he will feel it all.”

“You seem to have a lot of _faith _in him after all.” you said instead, watching her get up “That he’ll show up for me I mean.” but you got no answer, even if you knew it was positive in both cases. So instead you added “He’s your brother, no matter what he has done to you… he loves you. You must see it too. He-”

“Spare me. This is between him and I. You are only a means to an end, that’s all. And don’t think for a moment that I don’t know what’s going on.” her words made you tense up “That he _is _looking for me. In fact I know _exactly _where he is right now and it’s where I want him to be.”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you pursed your lips, shaking your head instead. You only got a scoff in return but as she made her way to the door you asked her “Feel it all… what did you mean?”

“All. In the same place I did. _As _I did, because of him. And maybe then… he’ll be able to give me an apology at last.” and with that, she was out of the only door in one of the three walls of the room.

“Same place…” you sighed, nodding your head as you looked around “Her cell.”

~*~

“An old warehouse? This is where you think she’ll have her? You clearly have lost your mind more than I thought, Shurley.” Dean could barely hold back a scowl as they exited the Impala. Darkness had settled for good around them but the place was clear as day to him because of how on edge he was.

“Same could be said about you. Because you obviously can’t see where we’re at.”

“Yeah, I see. And a half-burned-down house too. Because that’s the most safe place to-” but he stopped abruptly when realization set down on him “Your old house, isn’t it?”

“If there is somewhere she’d want us to be… then it’s this place. Come on.” he didn’t need to say it twice before the entire team followed after him, Dean actually getting to take a few steps ahead. Too impatient and too worried at the same time. It didn’t take much effort for him to break and push through the already half-broken and very old door.

“I didn’t take it to be this big.” Castiel mumbled, looking around as they all got their guns and flashlights out “Or to have a graveyard.”

“After the fire many houses were abandoned around here and the place was used for other purposes.”

“Well, that’s freaking peachy. But I don’t think any of us plan on being buried here, even more so (Y/n), so we stick to the plan. But before the attack we need to split up and look around here in case of a trap which is the most likely situation. We stick to our teams. C goes in that direction, D the other and as for B you come with us and we’re going inside the house right away. Eyes up, stay sharp. Let’s go.” Dean got sharp nods from everyone before they all moved in the respective directions.

They didn’t get to go very far away though because, despite how much in a hurry Dean was, his brother’s voice caught his attention “Uhm Dean, w-wait a minute-” the older Winchester turned just in time to see him take something from Jack’s hands “Did you even see this? It was- it was right by the entrance, on the door.” he said a bit out of breath, almost as if holding his breath out of fear “From Amara.”

“What?” Dean was suddenly even more on edge than before, if possible “Let me see.” he took hold of the letter and read it _“You think I’ll give her up that easily? No, we have to find something that can equal to all those years of torment spent in a cell. You soon will be in graveyard with all the people whose blood is on my brother’s hands, except one. Amongst the vessels there is one that still holds a soul. How fast can you find her before her human body gives out and runs out of air? Here lies… __**what**__ was she to you Dean?”_

“Could- could she be toying with us?” Sam blinked, looking at Chuck whose look had darkened a lot.

“She could… and she could not.” he said in a grave voice.

“Well, she definitely knows we’re here. That- that isn’t a good sign, is it? How can she know we’re here?” Jack asked in a low and worried voice being met with only equally worried faces.

“We don’t know but no, it certainly is no good. We’re not a step ahead as we thought. She can play us.”

“Son of a bitch.” Dean cursed in a dangerously low voice as he breathed heavily.

“But we can’t risk it.” Chuck added, glancing at him before meeting Sam’s wide eyes again.

“And we’re not going to.” Dean grumbled, crumbling the paper in his hands “Search the graveyard. If she- if she has her there then we don’t have much time, she’ll run out of air.”

“B-but what if she’s doing this to waste our time? Wh-what if-” Sam started tentatively but Dean was already fuming, angry and not only with the serial killer but even more himself.

“I said search the graveyard, Amara has buried her alive and is doing this to torment us. There is no time. Split up, check all the tombstones. Hurry up, we have to find her now!”

~*~

“No” Dean groaned in desperation, shaking his head “No, no no. It’s- it’s not. Fuck it’s not any of these.” he looked away, and then all around him, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. Both the scenery and action made him feel dizzy.

“Dean” Castiel said as calmly as he could, although out of breath because of all the running around and the green-eyed man looked at him, not bothering to hide all the pain and fear he felt that moment “We wil find her. We will.” it wasn’t much because they didn’t have time for more but it was some sort of reassurance. Even though in the end it didn’t manage to do anything.

Dean closed his eyes and held his trembling lower lip between his teeth. Pursing his lips he nodded his head, acknowledging his friend, but as soon as they parted for him to speak someone else beat him at it-

“I found something!” Jack said loud enough for them to hear but still low enough to not draw any attention. Not that there was any element of surprise left anymore.

It didn’t take more than half a second for Dean’s eyes to widen and him to jump into action and run towards the younger man’s direction as did everybody else. Only everybody froze in their place when they looked at the tombstone, and even more so Dean. His breath got caught in his throat and he felt sick to the stomach. He pressed a hand over his mouth and looked away, closing his eyes tightly shut and trying to suppress a sob but even more push the image out of his mind. It would forever be imprinted in his mind, though. A tombstone with your name on it.

“This has to be it right?” Sam asked although he didn’t really expect an answer “I don’t hear any sounds.”

“Maybe she’s knocked her out o-or maybe-” Jack started but stopped himself when Dean’s eyes snapped wide open. He couldn’t even bear to hear it.

“We can’t waste any more time. We need to start digging. Come on, we have the equipment in the car.” Dean being unable to stand the sight of the grave and stand in his place was the first one to start running towards the Impala with Sam and Cas following right behind and Chuck left to narrow his eyes at the gave.

Only one thought was present in his mind and it was verified no more than a couple minutes later. What with Dean frantically and desperately digging through the grave and everyone helping as urgently as possible it didn’t take long for them to bring the casket up to the top and nobody wasted another second before tearing it open. A trembling breath escaped Dean’s lips as he stared at the empty space. Empty save for the post-it inside it. The kind that you insisted he used more often even though you knew they would drive him insane.

“_See? Running out of breath doesn’t require being buried underground. How fast did you lose your breath out of fear, detective? Let’s see what it takes to lose your mind too, the way everyone says I have. Good luck.” _Dean read it, scoffing a laugh “She’s playing with us, that’s what she’s doing.”

“Or she wants us to feel her pain.” Chuck looked at the man, the same thing going through their minds “And definitely lose time.”

They all looked at the immense albeit half burned to the ground house not so far away “Let’s go.”

~*~

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.” her voice broke through the silence no sooner than she had left you on your own. Or it seemed like that. For some inexplicable reason though it felt like an eternity had passed at the same time so maybe the truth lay somewhere in between.

You were laying with your back on the wall after a good few hours of pacing around and trying to figure out everything you could about an escape and where this place really was. Based on what Chuck had told you about the entire plan and what he expected from Amara, this didn’t look like their old burned down house. The fact alone easily meant that not everything was really going according to plan. But that didn’t mean you were going to wait like some damsel in distress for them to figure everything out and save you. You were going to save yourself through them.

“I’m not sleeping.” you said, carefully taking hold of the bobby pin and slipping it into your fist. As expected only seconds later you felt her grip on your arm and your entire body being yanked off the bed. You stumbled a bit but when you were back on your feet with both your hands still in fists you took notice not only of the chair but also computer and camera standing right in front of it. You decide to not let your eyes linger on the gun you notice on her other hand.

“All the better. Now sit.”

You took a deep breath, doing as told nonetheless, hands on your lap “What is that all for?”

“We’re going to give your lovely detective a message.” she moved to the computer “Maybe, after he really gets a taste of what fear and desperation feels like, he’ll get to more drastic measures of finding my brother for me and get him out for me. Maybe, even, Chuck will get to see it and stop hiding.”

“Gotta say, you have a weird way of showing you care to your loved ones. Given that is your brother and the man you say you want, so forgive me if I’m a bit confused here.”

“It was the only way I was taught love.” her eyes bore into yours “What would you do if your brother locked you up like some kind of animal?”

“Start wondering why he locked me up in the first place?”

“Hm” she only hummed, pausing for a few seconds before she smirked back again at you “Buying time won’t get you anywhere, you know it. They can’t find you here, there’s no way. Safest and at the same time most dangerous place in the world. This-” she pressed something on the camera “Will be a way to communicate. So we can agree on where my beloved brother will meet us. That is _if_ he shows up. You know what you have to do.” a short nod of her head and you took in a shaky breath, preparing yourself.

~*~

“Dean watch out!” it didn’t take a second warning before Dean was turning just in time to shoot at the man who was charging straight at him. And hopefully the last one.

The detective managed to get on his feet, panting and groaning as nearly every part of his body ached. Parts like his shoulder which would have been likely dislocated from all the banging on the the door to try and get it open – too desperate, hearing the muffled screaming and crying on the other side to think rationally – all the way to his throat where he had not stopped screaming your name and for you to hold on. If it had not been for all the brainwashed idiots doing what they could to fight them and even kill them then he would have gotten to you sooner but when could he have things go his way anyway? At least he had managed to break it open n the end.

“Come on.” he said in a gruff voice, hand pressed on his side and he nearly stumbled as he rushed to get inside the room; before Sam or anyone had the chance to help him with his wounds or to warn him about this being yet another trap or worse, Amara being there.

“It’s ok sweetheart I’m here.” he said in a husky voice, rushing to get to the ropes around the wrists and legs that held you bound down to your chair “Sam help me!” he said but didn’t even look over his shoulder, eyes trained on your shaking form as your sobs filled his ears “Easy, easy. I got you. I’m here, sweetheart, I got-”

But the words got stuck in his throat when he looked up to remove the cloth around your mouth and saw that it was simply not you. “Wh-wha-” he started but couldn’t form the words. His entire body felt numb.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Jack mumbled only to step closer and notice the same thing “It’s not (Y/n).”

“Help me, please help me.” she cried “A woman tied me up in here, she-”

“It’s ok, it’s ok.” but it wasn’t Dean because his voice was still stuck in his throat just as all the air in his lungs “We’re going to help you, they are all agents. Good ones. You don’t have to worry anym-” but his words too stopped when he saw the tablet on her lap and he shared a look with his brother “Cas come help here. Quick. We’ve… got something.”

“She- she said she has a message for you. She said that if her brother doesn’t show up then… then she will be in my place and it will only get worse. I- I don’t know who she was talking about, I-”

“It’s alright, it’s alright. We’ve got everything under control. We-” Sam huffed, watching his brother snatch the tablet and walk away to let the message play without paying attention to anything around him.

“_Dean” _the second your voice was heard, it caught their attention _“This is…most probably not the way you were expecting to see me but if it’s any comfort, it’s not how I expected it would turn out to be either. You know-” a shaky sigh came as you looked down “Who has me here. I’m- I’m alright, she hasn’t hurt me, for now. Amara knows we were looking for Chuck because he was in town and she wants him to show up. If he doesn’t, then-” the level of self-control and strength you showed so far, especially given the sort of panic attacks you’ve had concerning her. But when a gun pressed to your temple and he nearly lost his mind, it was no surprise when the real fear flashed through your eyes._

“_Things will get much worse. I won’t be in her place… I will be in a much worse one and you will be… adding another victim to the list. This tablet is your means of- of keeping in contact with her, she will reach out when she wants to. You won’t be able to trace back the signal so- so don’t bother. The fast Chuck shows up, the more chances I have. She says… Don’t try to fight her, otherwise…” you trailed off, glancing at her before looking back at them “She’ll send me to one of those places that officially doesn’t exist… according to **you. **You see I uh I know you always have a unique way of referringto heaven and hell and I suppose at this point, with a gun over my head, I can understand it. I am in one of those places that officially doesn’t exist. Hell, of course. But I have enough faith in you that you will manage to pull me out of it before-”_

“_Alright, that will be enough.” it was another voice, one that made Dean’s skin crawl “My turn and I will be more quick-” a long pause “I can’t wait to see you, Dean. I trust that you will not fail me.”_

It all ended before he had the chance to do anything. What could he do though? Nothing but-

“One of those places that officially doesn’t exist? Was that- was she trying to say something?” Jack asked in a low voice and Dean looked up, glancing at Chuck.

“Yes, yes she was.” Chuck was the one to reply. Nodding his head.

Dean couldn’t control his erratic heart, nodding his own head “We know where to find her.”


	15. Chapter 15

The echo of his footstep wasn’t loud, thankfully so, but it was loud enough in his ears. He could attribute the fact to how strong his heart was beating in his chest and drumming in his ears, in perfect sync with said echo, that made the nerves and fear settle in deeper with each passing second. His own breathing had fallen into the same rhythm but if you asked him he could say he was almost 100% sure he had stopped breathing altogether. He gripped the gun tighter in his hands not that it was any more possible at this point, his knuckles had turned white.

The closer he got, the more on alert he felt. They had wasted no time jumping into action and using any and all means of transport to get to the prison which as expected looked more like a bloodbath out of the most gruesome horror movie with all the bodies scattered around. But he didn’t have the luxury to spend even half a second focused on any of the bodies – already dead and with no opportunity of saving – when there was a risk of losing you. He had to get to you.

Splitting up might have not been the best idea but until more forces arrived they had to cover enough ground and the prison was one of the most complicated if not biggest high-security facilities. He should know better than anyone after all the times he’d visited it anyway. Part of his brain, a small one at this point with how much on alert he needed to be, still remembered the way. And he was sure it was that small part that led him to her cell even before he could realize it.

“You’re late.” the same that had been haunting his dreams for years “I was beginning to think that you weren’t going to show up at all. Still, fast at arriving at my old home, but getting all the way here did seem to take up longer.”

She was speaking, it was all Amara, and she was so close that Dean shouldn’t have been able to look anywhere but her and yet… yet he couldn’t find it in himself to look anywhere but you. It was both such a sweet relief that made his shoulders relax and yet painful sight that made his heart twist in his chest. You had only gotten in this position because of him. Hands cuffed behind your back, gun pressed right at your temple and so close to taking your life away. You were so close to dying, all it took was a second and the wrong move, and it would be your blood on his hands. It brought a sick feeling to his stomach and a painful ringing in his ears, the thought too terrifying for him to take.

“I’m sorry, what?” his confidence surprised even himself when he spoke up “Wasn’t really listening. I just really-” he shrugged, hand still gripping his gun tightly “Toned out after the first couple words.”

She only scoffed a laugh “RoLeplay, darling? I was thinking you were going to wait until it was just the two of us but then again… this place does bring up plenty of memories, doesn’t it? So many. Where does one even begin? Oh (Y/n) dearest, if only you-”

“Spare me, will you? I’ve heard the story. Once upon a time there was a psychopath who got mad at her brother for not letting her play with his toys and is trying to found new ways to break them one by one so as to get him back for it.” you spoke with more confidence than you had ever managed in your life let alone in front of a serial killer with a gun at your temple. But you had to say something, loudly and with as much humor and, yet, spite in your words - the right words - to get her attention on them and not on your fumbling or on any sounds that could come from you trying to get the handcuff to open. It wasn’t exactly like you had done it before.

“Oh and she has quiet the mouth of course.” there was only a hint of irritation in her voice though.

“Yeah and _he_-” you emphasized mostly because you were sure the metal was going to make a sound at this point “Loves to kiss it, though he still had to take me out on a proper date so I’m counting on it, honey.” you winked at him and although he was frowning at first he finally caught up and went along with it.

“Sounds good to me. Think I’ll get the rest of the month free for finishing up this case.” he shrugged almost smirking at you but it was far from relaxed and true and for that you couldn’t blame him.

“I always loved your confidence but we’ll only have to wait and see for how long you can keep that smile up. For example-” she smiled at Dean “You like what I did with the place? I’ve spent so much time in here that I was starting to get sick and tired of the plain grey and white walls. They needed some color. And that- that glass standing between us every time you’d visit, it’s so much better in pieces right now. You must have surely noticed how different it is from the last time you came to visit me… that is of course if you can even remember. You were so focused on setting me free, so driven, so determined that nothing else mattered, didn’t it?”

“She already knows Amara, there’s no point trying anymore.” his voice sounded so gruff that the exhaustion he had been trying to mask was so prominent at this point “I’ve told her everything myself.”

“And she still wants to live?” she raised an eyebrow “There must be something special about you after all.” the sentence this time came in almost a murmur that made you believe it was directed at you and not Dean. Not that you had the time to duel on it any further though.

“And if you want to speak of determined-” Dean spoke up again, trying to buy you both the time you apparently needed “I was only determined to get rid of you, yes I couldn’t agree more.” his jaw clenched and his eyes hardened even more, if it was possible. He was on edge, as were you, and knowing that it could turn real bad real soon for you didn’t help at all. For what it was worth, you were good at not showing it to her.

“Get rid of me? Oh Dean, please, we both know you don’t need that. You can’t even bring yourself to do that. The mere fact that you are here proves my point.” she shrugged, voice disturbingly calm and confident. Or maybe it was so scary because you believed her words yourself. You could play confident as much as you wanted to but when it came to her and Dean, when it came to Dean chosing her or most importantly being only capable of putting her safety first and not yours, you couldn’t lie you felt scared for your life. You wanted to have faith in him. You only didn’t know if you really _could_. “You will always come to me, before you even realize it. Why insist on fighting it?”

“It proves no point of yours and you know it.” but the small shake in his voice earned a small smile from her “Let her go before this gets any more ugly. I am here for _her…_ and nothing else.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Dean? Because I’ll tell you it’s not working or helping. Not to mention-” you inhaled sharply when you felt the gun press harder on your temple “In her case.”

“Not helping in her case or yours, Amara? You don’t want to hear it but it’s the truth. If it wasn’t for all the- the fucking reprogramming you tried to pull off on me we both know none of it would have happened. You would be behind bars long ago… if not dead.”

“By whom? You?” she raised an eyebrow “Don’t fool yourself, Dean, you can barely point your gun at me-” a glance from the man confirmed it, making him realize what he had not before “Let alone shoot me or kill me. You can’t do it, you might want to but you can’t. You will always look out for me, take care of me. The route here is a very familiar one isn’t it? You came here before you realized it, don’t lie to yourself, because deep down you wanted to come here all along. You wanted to come to me, we are connected, can’t you see? You say you want to save her but Dean…” she shook her head “Be honest. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to in her deathbed, does she? Hope, especially false hope, can be so dangerous sometimes. People forget that and those who remember, well, they prefer to be lied to. Choose false hope even if they know they’ll end up getting hurt worse. But you- you don’t have to lead her on.You are not going to protect her, you can’t hurt me and it’s really not your fault. You freed me, you gave me what I’ve been denied of for so long and you will help me make my brother pay for it as well. That is if he decides to show up.” she sighed “He always cared too much about his own self-interests to do what’s right.”

“You- you’re going to kill her either way.” Dean breathed out in a hoarse voice, filled with shock as his eyes widened in realization. It was a deep scary one that made his insides turn, this time in a way they never had before. He’d been on the edge many times with this case but none as much as now.

And yet… it felt like a bucket of ice cold water being dumped on him.

“I am, yes.” she said as if it was the most simple thing in the world but Dean’s focus was entirely on you. You had been doing a decent job of hiding your fear so far but the shock and fear flashed so clearly through your eyes when she said it, making them glisten with unshed tears that when you met Dean’s gaze it felt like someone tore his heart out and stomped on it. Wether you liked it or not, you felt helpless and you were pleading for his help as well.

“See, it’s not really personal. Sure, it is more than any other time or with any other… toy, as she put it, of my brother’s. But I was going to kill her one way or another. The pain my brother put me through after he chose _this _life instead of me and he never even apologised for it, he will feel it too. Maybe this time he’ll start to feel sorry for what he did to me. All his favorite ones, all his chosen ones, dying. Let’s see what it takes for him to show up.”

“No, no we won’t.” his tone was even, almost without any emotion but his eyes held a kind of determination that made you act faster on your efforts to undo the cuffs “Let her go, Amara.”

“Or else what? Oh Dean, you can’t do anything to me and you can’t betray me. You can’t even point your gun at me to-” but her words got caught in her throat when she saw his gun pointed right at her head. For the first time you actually saw _her _hesitate and doubt him. “Why don’t you lower the gun before you do something you regret, Dean?”

“Regret?” he raised an eyebrow “Oh I’ve done many things I regret. Coming back here for your help and not relying on myself and my brother is one of them. Letting you free is another. Hiding the truth, not being as strong as I should have been, letting people I care about down and getting people I cared about die are things I will always regret and blame myself for. But more than anything…” his eyes fell on you and you could see the thin layer of tears that was layering them.

“I regret letting things come to this. Letting them get this far, when I could’ve stopped them long ago and when I could'veprevented this. If I had then everything would be so different now and- Gosh, I’d even be taking you out to a date right now.” he laughed a bit but it was so pained, as if he too was scared these were the last things he was telling you “And you’d be so beautiful… just like you are now. Just like you always are. And maybe then I’d have more courage to tell you everything I feel, everything I’ve always felt, without holding back or being scared because of my lies and secrets. Because Gosh, I love you. I love you so much.” the words made your breath hitch in your throat and you were sure you weren’t the only one that froze up but he continued “It’s all my fault and I’ll always feel that way. I only wish that one day you will be able to forgive me for getting you into this because I- I am so sorry for everything, (Y/n).” he held your gaze for a couple seconds too long, so long that you almost forgot where you were and certainly didn’t even feel the tear that rolled down your cheek but clearly noticed the one on his face that mirror yours. Finally, his eyes slowly made their way to her, painfully-slow actually as if he didn’t want to look away from you, before he clenched his jaw “Let her go.”

“Drop the gun, Dean.” she said, her voice seemingly calm but you saw the moment of hesitation “You won’t do that. You can’t shoot m-”

But her words were cut off by her own scream that followed only a split second after the shooting sound and a second before your own gasp. Your eyes widened in terror and surprise. You looked down to see the blood ooze from her leg. The bullet had grazed her skin with perfect precision, enough to hurt and make her bleed a lot, that you were sure that if he wanted to – and you were really starting to think he did want to – could shoot her somewhere it would be lethal. But that wasn’t the surprise. It was the fact that he didn’t hesitate a moment. You looked back at Dean, looking more determined than ever as he raised back up the gun and you instantly knew what it meant.

“Clearly I can kill you with my bare hands right now and I’ll enjoy it.” he growled “But for her sake I won’t. Now you will let go of the woman I love, take a step back and let go of that gun.”

“Y-you-” her voice was shaking “You betrayed me?”

“No” he clenched his jaw “I betrayed her. But it’s a mistake I’ll never make again. Now-” he held his gun with both hands now “Let go, Amara.”

A pause followed, her shaky and heavy breathing was the only thing you could hear as you held your own “Clearly that’s how things are. Maybe I shouldn’t have underestimated you…” you had a feeling she didn’t mean Dean but you “Shame… I never meant to hurt you, Dean. You’re not the only one with a gun.”

When you felt the end of the gun press hard against your temple and heard a clicking sound of the safety your fingers moved frantically with the handcuffs, sensing the danger. Dean too took a step forward but she warned him against it “Try to get closer, try to shoot me and kill me but know you will be actually killing her. Know it and let’s see if you’ll live with it.”

“No, no don’t do this Amara, don’t-”

“Amara!” but this wasn’t Dean’s voice and it wasn’t yours either. It was however the right voice to set everything into motion, the exact person you needed.

“B-brother?” it came barely as a whisper from her but it was as loud as it could get in your ears. The gun was pulled a couple inched away from your temple, which again fell like miles away, and when the much-anticipated click of the handcuffs was heard you almost sobbed in relief. You didn’t want to hesitate so with a swift move you grabbed her hand with the gun and pushed it away from you, startling her. She fired but it only ended up in the ceiling and before she had the time to direct her gun back at you, you twisted it entirely out of her hand and had it fall on the floor. You pushed it as far away as you could with your foot. Before you could run away from her she grabbed you arm, and even if you made sure to elbow her in the stomach, she was able to bring you down so hard with her that you hit your head on the chair.

You could almost hear someone yelling for Dean to shoot her and soon another one yelling for him not to, with Dean only saying he didn’t have a clear shot, but you couldn’t be sure. There was a distinctive buzz in your ears that kept growing louder. Your vision was getting blurry and you were almost unaware of what was happening until you felt the pair of hands wrap around your neck. You struggled and fought but with such a severe hit on the head - you could feel blood running down your temple - and with black spots appearing in your vision, there was only so much you could do. Tears welled up in your eyes as you gasped for air but found none. You choked, grasping at her hands to pull them off you but only in vain. Your throat was beginning to hurt from all the pressure too.

Thankfully the reassure didn’t last long as you felt her being pulled away from you. You heard a loud metal sound and then some wrestling sounds, things even being knocked over, but all you cared about was that she wasn’t anywhere close to you anymore. You choked and gasped when the air started to fill your lungs but the pain in your throat made more tears fill your eyes. You were so focused on breathing that you didn’t even realize how bad your head was when you spotted a pool of blood next to your head that you were sure was not hers.

You could swear you felt a pair of arms around you and a face hovering over yours, familiar and loving, but your vision was so blurry and before you could try to make out who it was, you were completely surrounded by darkness.

~A week later~

“Whoa whoa take it easy. You have to take it easy, yes?” the soft female voice and the small hold on your shoulder were as comforting as they could get when your vision was blurry and all you could see was a blinding white light. The tears that formed because of your aching throat didn’t help at all in your case.

You blinked the tears away despite everything and even between whimpers and coughing, you struggled but managed to choke out “D-Dean?” you doubted if she even heard you on second thought, though.

“Try not to talk, yes? Your vocal chords have severe damages and it will take time to heal. There are a few bruises still left but fear not those will fade away too.” the nurse, you could now tell, informed you about your condition “You are certainly in a better condition than when you were brought here but that along with your head injury is not something to be taken lightly of. There was some serious blood-loss which didn’t help. The fact that it took you so long to come around proves that the internal bleeding did a number. You are lucky you got here so fast and that the doctors could-”

“D-Dean” this time you repeated with more determination and she seemed to get it or at ease hear it because she stopped her small rambling instantly. It wasn’t your condition that you were all that concerned about anyway.

“Oh detective Winchester?” she asked softly before giving you a smile “Good to see you remember him, although we’ll have to get the doctor to check you out too. Uhm as for the detective- He’s just outside. He was the one who brought you in. He hasn’t left your side the entire time, I’m sure he will be incredibly happy to know you’re awake.”

“Can I see him?” you asked hoarsely, eyes pleading.

“I will let him in while I call the doctor. But please, don’t try to speak. It might damage your chords any further.” she asked and your immediate response was to nod your head, simply too eager to see Dean.

And thankfully you didn’t need to wait long when the door opened and Dean was right behind it, eager to enter as fast as possible. The nurse told him something and once his eyes jumped to take a look inside the room, they widened when they met with your open ones. Giving her a fast nod he pushed past her to enter, all-but-rushing to your side only to freein his steps when he was within arm’s reach. It felt like for a moment he had a second thought, a feeling similar to guilt flashed over his face.

Deciding to ignore it, and probably the nurse’s advice, you broke the silence first “Hey.”

Again he seemed to hesitate but when he saw you extend your hand towards him he couldn’t help but crumble down in the chair, taking your hand in both of his and whispering a soft “Hey, sweetheart.”

“How are you?” you mouthed the words and he gave you a sad smile.

“You’re asking me how I am? _You_?” he raised an eyebrow and you managed to give him a grin, albeit small and sleepy.

“Well, you suck at taking care of yourself so-” you shrugged but winced a bit “Seriously, are you alright?”

He only hummed, not giving you a response for a couple seconds as he tried to keep up a smile “You-” he tried to laugh, key word _tried, “_YOu scared us real bad sweetheart. I know you’re too tough to break at this point but I couldn’t just help but imagine-” he shook his head “You did good though, you did great. Everyone’s outside, waiting eagerly to talk to you by now and the guys haven’t left much either.” he said but you didn’t return his smile.

“’S not what I asked.” you mouthed, giving him a loo.

He tried not to break but it was getting harder. In the end however he sighed in defeat, too tired to keep it up even if he wanted to “I almost lost it when the doctor said there was internal bleeding. They were scared of losing you. They said you might not-” he took in a shaky breath “You hit your head way harder than we initially imagined, harder than what it looked like. That’s why you were out for so long. I- I didn’t know if you were ever going to wake up. I couldn’t leave your side for a second. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened and I wasn’t here. I was just waiting… praying you’d wake up.” there was a kind of truth in those words that shook you to the core. You squeezed his hand with whatever strength you had left in you.

“So that means you haven’t slept properly in seven days then?” you finally asked, and for a few seconds he stood there only blinking at you.

“Is that what you seriously got out of everything that I said?”

“Mhm pretty much.” you managed a smirk “Is all _I _care about at least. Dean.” you sighed before coughing a bit “You need the rest too, I don’t want you to fall down because of me. I’m good, I’m safe and I’m right here. You can rest, surely for just a couple hours at least? Then you can come again and let my admire those pretty eyes of yours again.”

He couldn’t help but look almost a bit in surprise at you at the moment. It made him feel for a moment, a crazy moment, that things were back to normal between the two of you. That he hadn’t broken your heart in the worst way possible.

“You mean…?” he trailed off, unable to believe let alone put into words he possibility of you forgiving him. He couldn’t be that lucky, it was too good for him to believe it was true.

“I mean you’ll have to try a bit harder but for most part… it’s alright. Everything is alright between us.”

“B-but h-how-”

“After everything you did? Really Dean how could it not be? Besides-” you looked down at your hands for a moment “I- I understand. The risks were too high a-and… well, it wasn’t you. I can see it wasn’t and for a moment I had not been myself either. So I understand what you went through, what she did to you. That video? What I said to make you come to the prison… it was because of her, all of it, and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. Until I put you in danger, _you _Dean. I would never intentionally do that. I was someone else, it’s scary but it’s real, so I-” you shrugged, giving him a small smile “I understand you. And I forgive you. You at least did everything you could to protect me. You fought it, hard as it was, but it was something I couldn’t do. It was much more than what I could do.”

He stood there for a solid couple seconds, if not minutes, simply staring at you. His liips were parted as if he was in utter shock and he tried to understand if this was real or not. He took in a breath soon afterwards but it came in shaky and you noticed a thin layer of tears in his eyes that he didn’t dare let free. He closed his eyes, jaw clenched a bit which worried you until you saw the corners of his lips lift into a smile. He opened his eyes and held so much hope that it made you smile too.

“Thank you.” his voice was low and gruff, shaky a bit, but it was filled with such relief too that made one form on your lips as well “Gosh, (Y/n) thank you _so much.” _he nearly choked in his words “You don’t know what this means for me.” you could swear he was going to break into sobs right then and there.

You didn’t blame him. You could just as well. After finding out the truth you had been crushed. You too believed you were never going to forgive him or trust him in the least bit ever again but when you had nearly lost him for good, when you realized there was a chance you’d never meet again, then you were too scared to waste any time on holding grudges. Especially over something he had done for your own good because Amara’s control was never his choice. If anything, though, he had proven to you just what you meant to him when he fought her back.

“Think I do. But you don’t have to thank me.” you shook your head “’M actually really sorry.” you mostly mumbled this time, gaining his attention again. He had not even realized when silence set between the two of you.

He frowned unable to understand “Sorry? What for?”

“For everything I guess.” you glanced away only for a couple seconds “But mostly- I practically ran away with no explanation. I- I shouldn’t have. You must have been worried sick and I-”

“It would serve me right. For one.” he shrugged softly forcing a smile that didn’t feel real “Don’t. Don’t apologize in the least bit. Yu did the right thing, she had found us anyway and you had to protect yourself. Besides- Sweetheart-” he shook his head “Damn. I should be sorry. I got you into this mess, I-” when he looked back up at you again you noticed how his eyes were red-rimmed and how there was a characteristic shadow underneath them “Damn it (Y/n), you could be dead by now because of me. I- I was stupid and I was reckless and an idiot for hiding all those things from you but I was so scared you’d never forgive me and I didn’t know how I could live with that. But then I realized how if anything happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to live at all and so I-”

“Alright, that’s enough.” you said as firmly as you could “Let me stop you right there.” you coughed so you had to pause for a couple seconds “Yes, you are an asshole and a brainless one at that, I get it. To sum up what you said.” it earned a soft although pained chuckle from him “But truth is… I fell in love with you like this. And I can’t do anything to change it… nor do I want to. I’ve been hurting too but it can’t compare to the pain I’d feel if I lost you for good.”

“You’d never lose me. _Never_.” he squeezed your hand before bringing it up to his lips and kissed your knuckles “Which really sucks for you because you’re stuck with me for life more than it sucked for-” but he stopped himself before he could complete his sentence. He didn’t know if he should even say her name after everything that happened.

You took a sharp breath in, hesitating only for a second before speaking this time in the most clear and steady voice “You shot her.” and it was no question. It was a statement that the both of you could read a thousand things into.

Dean held your gaze before finally nodding his head “I did. And it has never been easier than in that moment. It has never been easier to be in that place, the exact same place it all stated and it all happened, that it all evolved and changed inside me… the place I lost myself, I could almost say. It has never been easier because as surprising as this may sound, it felt like I found myself in that place again thanks to you though. It was easy to speak, to act, to _be _again even if she was there and it was all because of you. There wasn’t even a choice to make, I would never hurt _you _(Y/n). Protecting _you _is all that I could ever do and I hate that I made you doubt it even for a second. (Y/n), I-” this time he took a deep breath and stilled himself, saying with all of his honesty “I love you.” he held your gaze firmly for a couple seconds just so that he could make sure you believed him.

“I-” he gave you an almost laugh, looking down a bit shyly “I love you and, again, despite my biggest fears and despite my hesitation you prove to me that saying those words isn’t hard. That looking at you and saying what I haven’t told another woman besides my mother is… so much easier than I ever even imagined. Guess I’ll just keep on learning new things now huh? It feels like I’m a whole new person, even- even breathing feels different… it feels more real and it feels like-” he stopped himself, running his fingers through his hair “Are you going to say something or just let me keep going here like the love-struck fool that I am for you?”

“Eh might let you ramble a bit more. You’re adorable to be honest.” you grinned, coughing when you made the mistake to say the words verbally before you continued onto mouthing “Besides, I clearly remember. You pretty much said it in front of the serial killer which was kinda awesome and hot at the same time.”

He squinted a bit as he tried to make out what you were saying before in the end he got it and let out a laugh “Glad that’s what you’re going to remember and not the fact that you nearly died.”

“Well, I do remember that you also promised me a date. Which you _definitely _did.” you told him, giving him a look that made him grin before leaning down to kiss the back of your hands again.

“I definitely did, yes.” he whispered “Anything for my girl.”

“And… what about her?” this time you had to ask out loud, although still a very hoarse whisper.

He took in a deep breath and straightened his back “Chuck is going to take care of the issue. A whole prison just for her this time which… will accommodate him too.” his words made your eyebrows raise in surprise “Not exactly what you think. See, the thing was that all Amara wanted was her brother and it was his apology. Which in all honesty he owes to you too.” he ignored you shaking your head “He _does! _But that doesn’t mean I’m letting the asshole near you anytime soon. Anyway, special forces rushed in only seconds after you blacked out, thankfully there was an available helicopter that got us to this hospital before you could get worse.” he squeezed your fingers “But something happened and I’m still struggling to believe it. Now that she’s back in prison, a more secure one, she’s different. She’s much more different thanwhat we were used to. I haven’t seen her personally but Cas accompanied Chuck during his third visit to her and she seemed almost…”

“Almost?”

“Human.” the word made you both frown “She had many more emotions that I even thought she was capable of and she let them show. She- (Y/n), she sends her apologies to you. She said all she wanted was her family back, Chuck, a-and his apology. She thought revenge on him was what she was looking for but it made her feel more empty. Him visiting her more, speaking with her and apologizing has changed her. Or so Cas says. And as for me? Maybe a way to fill that emptiness. Whatever the case-” he sighed with a shake of his head “She is somewhere where she won’t harm you ever again. Far and I mean it very _far _away from here. And all of it- It’s over now.”

“Over?” there was something about saying the word, even in a weak hoarse whisper that you felt and needed to feel. Dean smiled, kissing your palm and nodding his head.

“It’s over, yes. You’re safe.”

“So that means I get to go back to my ordinary life after I’m out of here?”

“Yes, yes you get to. As if nothing ever happened… Well, if you exclude me.”

“Are you saying you want to be a part of my life detective?” you smirked, raising an eyebrow and he let a breathless laugh out.

“If you will take me as an addition, yes. Yes, I’d love that.” he gave you a caring look before you saw nervousness flash through his eyes before he asked slowly “You do, right?”

“Why, I thought I’d have to commit a murder and see you again, judging by how busy your schedule usually is, so you bet, detective.”

“Then I’m all yours this time.”


End file.
